2 yr old clothing battle

LIAngel

Ugh.  Getting my DD dressed in the morning is such a struggle.  She'll see what I picked out for her to wear and she immediately will say "NO!  Not that one"  She will fight me tooth and nail while I dress her.  Once I get her dressed, she will proceed to take the offensive outfit off.   My DH will give in to her and let her wear what she wants (I don't agree, cause she needs to learn that what I pick out for her is what she has to wear).  

School starts next week and I don't have the time in the morning to be fighting her.   I try to be tough, but she still throws a fit and strips off the clothes anyway.   Any advice?

BeanNut

Seriously?  Why can't she pick her clothing?  Just take any ill-filling or off-season clothing from her dresser.

somewhereincali

Yeah, so not a battle I would be willing to fight. Why can't she pick her own clothes? Toddlers have so little in their life they get to control, it helps to remember that and try to find ways for them to have control over things, can you imagine if we lived like that?

mrsannie

somewhereincali said:

Yeah, so not a battle I would be willing to fight. Why can't she pick her own clothes? Toddlers have so little in their life they get to control, it helps to remember that and try to find ways for them to have control over things, can you imagine if we lived like that?

Agreed. Or you could let her pick out the top and you pick matching bottoms. That's what I do with my son. That way he has a say and at the same time doesn't walk out the door wearing a striped shirt and plaid pants.

mplesset23

LIAngel said:

Ugh.  Getting my DD dressed in the morning is such a struggle.  She'll see what I picked out for her to wear and she immediately will say "NO!  Not that one"  She will fight me tooth and nail while I dress her.  Once I get her dressed, she will proceed to take the offensive outfit off.   My DH will give in to her and let her wear what she wants (I don't agree, cause she needs to learn that what I pick out for her is what she has to wear).  

School starts next week and I don't have the time in the morning to be fighting her.   I try to be tough, but she still throws a fit and strips off the clothes anyway.   Any advice?

Lurker here - According to my mother, as soon as I could talk and walk I refused to let her dress me.  So she decided to pick her battles and let me dress myself.  At least it was the 80s and clashing was cool  I'm starting to have similar issues with my DS who is also 2.  Although for us, it's that he doesn't want to take his PJs off and just wants to wear those.

lite-bright

Clothing is something you can only control for so long, IMO, and some kids start that fight early. To me it's not a battle worth fighting in 99% of cases. 

You could let her choose from 2 (or even three) outfits that you pick out. That has always worked for my DD1. My DD2 is pickier and will fight me and strip out of something she truly doesn't want to wear, but I try not to let it get to that point and either pull things out of rotation if I truly don't want her to wear them (like winter clothes in summer) or am willing to offer three possible choices instead of two. I draw the line at four. 

 I would rather have her pick something and put it on happily even if I don't like it, then to physically force her into clothes she doesn't want and just have her pull them off. 

Don't let this become a control thing. It's not worth it. Toddlers get so darned little control over their lives (someone else dictates their entire day, diet, schedule, activities, etc.) that letting them pick what they wear is, IMO, something small that is harmless to indulge. 

memali26

Why won't you let her have a say in her clothes? If you don't want to give her free range of choice, try giving her two outfits and letting her pick from those. It will give her a sense of control in her life, help her learn to make decisions, and cut down on your battles.

DD1 is 3.5 and has been dressing herself, for the most part, since shortly after she turned 2. 99% of the time I let her wear whatever she wants, provided it's weather appropriate. Because of that, the 1% of the time I need her to wear something specific we don't usually have a battle. DD2 is 23 months and has been picking her own clothes for a few months, as well. I give her a little bit of guidance because she doesn't understand weather appropriate yet, but she gets most of the control. Seriously, there are much bigger battles for me to choose than my kids choosing a pink shirt and a yellow skirt.

SusieBW

We've always let DD pick her clothes, though we usually limit it by picking out a couple of things for her to choose between.  I agree with PPs - it's not worth fighting over this at all.

LIAngel

Okay well what if she wants to wear the same thing over and over.   She has 2 outfits that she loves and constantly wants to wear it.   Of course there are days that she can't cause they are  in the laundry waiting to be washed.   I'm not sending her to school wearing the same 2 outfits for days on end.   I'm fine with giving her choices, but she always wants those particular ones.   

sschwege

I agree with pp let her pick her own clothes!  Just keep out clothes that are seasonally appropriate and let her go to work at it.  The only time I would be dead set against my children picking out their own clothes would be Christmas and Easter.  Other than that, it's not worth it!

You say she strips down because she doesn't want to wear what you pick out.  I think that would resolve itself if you let her pick out her own clothes.  If it doesn't though, she obviously can't leave the house naked.  So for DD if she decides she does not want to cooperate getting dressed I tell her we are setting the timer.  Her choice is to get dressed before the music stops or not get dressed and go to her room for 'naked time'.   She has chosen the latter a few times and goes to her room.  She always returns 30sec-1minute later to get dressed.  Maybe that would work?

memali26

LIAngel said:

Okay well what if she wants to wear the same thing over and over.   She has 2 outfits that she loves and constantly wants to wear it.   Of course there are days that she can't cause they are  in the laundry waiting to be washed.   I'm not sending her to school wearing the same 2 outfits for days on end.   I'm fine with giving her choices, but she always wants those particular ones.   

Days they aren't clean, tell her they're dirty and when they are washed she can wear them. She might pitch a fit, but you just offer other clothes and move on. Or take fredalina's suggestions about teaching her to do laundry. That will help teach her responsibility and offer her a little more feeling of control.

Days they are clean, just let her wear them. What harm will it do, besides a little more wear and tear on the clothes? I'd also get more of her preferred clothing - another few outfits that are similar in style/color/fabric to her two favorites. We learned early on DD1 prefers dresses and hates pants, so I just don't buy her pants anymore and choose not to fight that battle.

dairygirl19

I let my kid pick too. She comes up with some godawful stuff, but really she's either going to daycare or Target with me, WTH cares?

 

I just put away anything I don't want her to wear.

I taught my kid about dirty laundry too and kind of over-emphasized it. So now she throws her clothes at night in her hamper and says "Wash." On Saturdays when I do hers, she brings me the basket all excited.

 

Also, if I know her faves are in the wash, I will pick out two outfits, shut the closet door and let her pick from those.

I'm in negotiations all day. I'm not fighting this battle too.

somewhereincali

LIAngel said:

Okay well what if she wants to wear the same thing over and over.   She has 2 outfits that she loves and constantly wants to wear it.   Of course there are days that she can't cause they are  in the laundry waiting to be washed.   I'm not sending her to school wearing the same 2 outfits for days on end.   I'm fine with giving her choices, but she always wants those particular ones.   

My 40 year old husband wears the same thing everyday if its clean, I fail to see the problem. He seems to have become a fully functioning member of society.

somewhereincali

somewhereincali said:

LIAngel said:

Okay well what if she wants to wear the same thing over and over.   She has 2 outfits that she loves and constantly wants to wear it.   Of course there are days that she can't cause they are  in the laundry waiting to be washed.   I'm not sending her to school wearing the same 2 outfits for days on end.   I'm fine with giving her choices, but she always wants those particular ones.   

It's also very developmentally appropriate for a toddler to want to wear the same few things over and over.
If you look at it from her point of view, she has these two favourite outfits and for reasons she doesn't understand sometimes you let her wear them and sometimes you don't, even if they are there and clean (because a toddler can understand something being dirty, but not a social rule about not wearing the same thing more than once a week)
They do it with food, toys, etc

TriciaandSean

another vote for let her wear what she wants.  My son has a curious george shirt that he'll wear every day if he sees it in his closet.  We usually either let him pick a shirt out of his closet himself or give him two choices, usually first asking what color shirt do you want to wear?  When I give choices sometimes he says he doesn't like my choices and then I let him look in the closet but normally he is fine with what I choose.  He likes to be in control.

jesstellina

LIAngel said:

Okay well what if she wants to wear the same thing over and over.   She has 2 outfits that she loves and constantly wants to wear it.   Of course there are days that she can't cause they are  in the laundry waiting to be washed.   I'm not sending her to school wearing the same 2 outfits for days on end.   I'm fine with giving her choices, but she always wants those particular ones.   

Could you buy a couple more outfits that are similar to those? For a while, at bedtime DD insisted on wearing her princess t-shirt. We'd have to go look for it, or, if it was dirty, convince her to wear something else. We now have 4 princess t-shirts that are different but similar enough that she loves them all.

Something else that you could try that I've heard as a way of fostering your child's independence is to get a little plastic dresser with drawers that are easy to open. Put a whole outfit in each drawer, and she can pick her outfit every day.

RedZee

Another lurker voting to let her pick out her clothes. If you put the favorite outfits in the laundry, she likely won't choose them anyway.

DD will also choose her favorite shirt if she sees it. Preschool teachers know how toddlers are. DD's teachers were always amused at her extremely fancy and mismatching outfits (she insisted on wearing a fake fur coat and sunglasses to school when it was 70 degrees - I hid the coat that night). When I felt silly bringing DD to school in one of her crazy outfits, I saw that another boy in her class was wearing a tie that his mom said he was insistent on wearing every day.

Even though I often dislike the insane combinations, I like seeing her develop and learn how to dress herself and take pride in what she's wearing. And I definitely prefer laying out a couple of outfits and letting her happily choose to trying to force her into her clothes (we did that too for a couple of days before realizing the issue was that she wanted to choose something else).

erbear

Why does it matter? This is not a battle I would fight. Let her pick her own clothes. If you must be this much of a control freak, give her a choice of three things, but I wouldn't.

TiffanyBerry

Another "why are you fighting with her" on this one.  It is important for her to have some control over the things that are reasonable to let her control, and clothing is one.  Wearing different clothing on different days, wearing matching clothing, wearing clothing that YOU (not her) think is seasonally best - all of these are social constraints that, if you really think about it, are not important.  It's fine to draw the line at dirty, but the rest... well, you're the one choosing to make this fight.

dragon_chica

You need to learn real quick that they will fight you tooth and nail over anything they're able to.  What they eat, what they wear, where they pee/poop.  Learn to let go just a tad bit and you'll feel your sanity returning fast.  In the beginning when I let DD pick out her outfits she came up with the wildest combinations.  Nowadays I am ridiculously impressed by her color combinations.  It makes a mom proud.  As for wearing the same clothes over and over again.  She's not going to a high-society event.  She's going to daycare/preschool where I'm sure a large majority of her friends are wearing the same outfits over and over again and the teachers experience this daily and I'm sure really don't care.  The amount of times I've had to soak the princess dresses she wanted to wear every day drove me batty but it's what she wants to wear.

Don't look at it as being defiant but as allowing her to start to think for herself and be independent.  Believe me, if you become one of those moms that hover and control it will bite you in the ass big time later on when she has the inability to make a decision on her own.

PunkyBooster

I'm alllll about choosing my battles. Clothing is so not one of them. Bedtime? Yes. Not hitting or kicking the dog? Yes. But clothing? And I'm a pretty type A neurotic mom. I take a lot of pride in how ds looks. I have figured out a way around it by choosing clothes for him that are either a set (Gymboree 3 shirts, 5 shirts that all coordinate), khakis and a variety of polos or things like shortalls.

jeffrae

I give two options. She picks. I let her pick out her socks. It works for both girls, though my four year old needs three options, lol

olechka

I'm with OP, my DD is over the top with chosing her own clothing, chosing from 2 outfits doesn't work she starts opening drawers and pulling stuff out of them.  But now that it's getting chilly, she refuses to wear anything but spagetti strap dresses, shorts and no socks or sweater. 

So we fight about that daily and most of the time i send her as hoping if she's cold, she'll ask daycare to put on more clothes.  To me Its more about her listening to parents and following directions, which she doesn't do; btw we spend an hour fighting about wearing socks today, she finally gave up, it was ridiculous.

 

ASmallWonder

Kids like to be in control and make their own choices.  The best you can do is limit the options to things that are acceptable (assuming the preferred outfit is clean, otherwise just let her wear it).  Pick 4 shirts and 4 bottoms and tell her "Guess what?  You get to pick what you're going to wear!  Pick anything in these piles!"  Be very excited at the offer - she'll think she's getting to do something amazing but you've gently controlled the situation.

memali26

olechka said:

I'm with OP, my DD is over the top with chosing her own clothing, chosing from 2 outfits doesn't work she starts opening drawers and pulling stuff out of them.  But now that it's getting chilly, she refuses to wear anything but spagetti strap dresses, shorts and no socks or sweater. 

So we fight about that daily and most of the time i send her as hoping if she's cold, she'll ask daycare to put on more clothes.  To me Its more about her listening to parents and following directions, which she doesn't do; btw we spend an hour fighting about wearing socks today, she finally gave up, it was ridiculous.

 

If you don't want her wearing spaghetti strap dresses in winter, take them out of her drawer. Leave some short sleeve/long sleeve dresses and let her choose from those. Leave seasonally appropriate stuff in her drawers and let her have her choice of it. If she refuses socks, oh well. Her shoes might get a little stinky, but so be it. Just not a battle worth fighting when there are bigger things to worry about.

somewhereincali

I would just love to have the kind of time that I could spend an hour arguing with my kids about what they wear

LIAngel

Thank you for all your responses.  Okay I took your advice and for the past few days, we have gone into her closet and I say "okay what should we wear today?".   So far *knock wood* it's been fine.  The real kicker will be in 2 weeks when she has Preschool pictures being taken.  I really would like her to look nice, since I do have to pay for the pictures.   And yes, I realize that it's just preschool pictures and she'll be taking class pictures for the next 14 yrs or so, but this is important to me.  

PunkyBooster

These sock stories crack me up. For a while ds insisted on wearing his pulled up to his knees. I joked that I couldn't tell if he looked like a soccer player or a little elderly man

PunkyBooster

LIAngel said:

Thank you for all your responses.  Okay I took your advice and for the past few days, we have gone into her closet and I say "okay what should we wear today?".   So far *knock wood* it's been fine.  The real kicker will be in 2 weeks when she has Preschool pictures being taken.  I really would like her to look nice, since I do have to pay for the pictures.   And yes, I realize that it's just preschool pictures and she'll be taking class pictures for the next 14 yrs or so, but this is important to me.  

No one will fault you for that. Ds has to wear a smocked Jon Jon for his school pic. The teachers hate them. He'll be ok. Ill send a change of clothes do he has the option to put on pants he can take off himself.

One picture day is an exception but prepare her in advance. Get her reallllly excited about the new dress she's wearing.

emberlee3

DS has not let me pick out his clothes since he was 18 months old.  I was able to bribe him with a cupcake to wear an outfit of my choosing for pictures recently. Do whatever it takes!

ASmallWonder

LIAngel said:

Thank you for all your responses.  Okay I took your advice and for the past few days, we have gone into her closet and I say "okay what should we wear today?".   So far *knock wood* it's been fine.  The real kicker will be in 2 weeks when she has Preschool pictures being taken.  I really would like her to look nice, since I do have to pay for the pictures.   And yes, I realize that it's just preschool pictures and she'll be taking class pictures for the next 14 yrs or so, but this is important to me.  

Pick a few outfits now that you'd be ok with her wearing for her pictures and let her pick.  Like someone else said, get her excited about it and make her think the decision is all hers.  Every day say "Pictures are coming up!  I can't wait to see you in the xyz outfit you picked!  Let's look at it again!"

memali26

LIAngel said:

Thank you for all your responses.  Okay I took your advice and for the past few days, we have gone into her closet and I say "okay what should we wear today?".   So far *knock wood* it's been fine.  The real kicker will be in 2 weeks when she has Preschool pictures being taken.  I really would like her to look nice, since I do have to pay for the pictures.   And yes, I realize that it's just preschool pictures and she'll be taking class pictures for the next 14 yrs or so, but this is important to me.  

I completely understand wanting a specific/special outfit for pictures - that is one of the 3-4 times a year I don't let my girls pick their own clothes. But I've found letting them pick day-to-day cuts down on the fight when I do want/need to pick because they (well, my 3yo, not so much the 2yo) get that it's a special thing. And definitely agree with the others - get her all excited about the special picture outfit! Make it feel like playing dress up, do her hair special, it will be fun for both of you

olechka

Thanks for all of your responses and perspectives. Agree fighting about socks for an hour is ridiculous, it was Saturday and i wanted to make a point.  I can't take dresses and shorts out of the drawer yet because here weather keeps changing, it'll be 85 tomorrow and low of 54 today.

I'll try to pick battles better and focus on more important stuff.