Pregnant after IF

XP - baby showers while PG - PGAL/PAIF perspective

Hey ladies -

There's a baby shower coming up at work in a few weeks and I am not sure if I want to go or not. I've traditionally had a hard time in the past with showers (siggy for mobile - 4 losses, 4 IVFs, currently 15w4d PG with a chromosomally normal bean and everything's looking very good) and so far I'm not "into" babies quite yet, not into all the baby items yet (I'm still just "casually" walking in the very middle of the Target baby aisle, occasionally touching a blanket or bib but then running away like a goon.) I'll get or make a gift and write a nice card and be gracious in that way, I'm just trying to feel it out and see if I need to take an hour or so of vacation time that day to not attend.

I'm announcing our pregnancy at work and to the world tomorrow, so I feel a bit wonky about possibly not showing up to this co-worker's shower so soon afterwards. But I don't think anyone would really notice, or care, you know?

If you've had multiple trubs getting/staying PG, when did you feel emotionally awesome enough to attend/invest in a co-worker/non-best-pal shower? When in your PG did you start to be interested in babies?
BzeetyD = 38, Mr. BzeetyD = 44 together 12/02 married 9/08
TTC #1 since 1/10
DX: Unexplained/??? MFI issues

Our lil' lost sparks:
5w3d loss 7/30/10 - EDD March 2011
8w loss 4/15/11 - EDD November 2011
8w3d loss 8/2/12 - EDD March 2013
4w c/p loss 10/29/12 - EDD July 2013

Long story: trying on our own + testing testing testing with 6 rounds of Clomid, more testing, injectables + TI, laparoscopy - one tube blocked, 2 IUIs with Follistim...BFNs.
RPL testing all normal, Karyotyping normal

Moving on to IVF.

IVF #1 April 2012 = BFN, IVF #2 June 2012 = BFP. U/S 7/23 = saw heartbeat but measuring behind. Follow up U/S on 7/30 - no heartbeat. D&C 8/2. Trisomy 12. IVF #3 Oct 2012 = Chemical Pregnancy

Phone consult with CCRM on 12/12/12 - ODWU 1/4/13 - both tubes clear(!) - AFC 24, AMH 3.2, FSH 9.6, LH 5.4, E2 25. DH has high frag rate but improved!
IVF #4 March 2013 CCRM. EP protocol w/ Menopur, Gonal-F & Dexamethasone. ER 3/29 & IMSI, PICSI. 43R 13M 10F 6blasts bio'd. CCS testing reveals 3 normals!!!
FET 5/31/13 of 1 4AA blast - thawed and expanded. 4dp5dt BFP.
Beta 9dp5dt = 181, 11dp5dt = 427. 1st u/s showed a healthy heartbeat! EDD 2/16/14

After 4 years of hoping and heartbreak, our sweet little bean was born on 2/19/14
We are so in love with her.

"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

Everybody is welcome!!!

Re: XP - baby showers while PG - PGAL/PAIF perspective

  • I would have a appt that I just couldn't miss but that's just me. I'm still very cautious about my own pregnancy and not really ready to be all ooh and ahh for someone who isn't really a friend.
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  • I agree with Crystal. I just recently attended my best friends "sprinkle" for her second and I did pretty well. It definitely helped to be pregnant myself, although it was for my BFF, and just a few very close friends, just simple gifts, nothing over the top etc.. But I contemplated canceling several times before going. I think if you do decide to attend, you will do better than you expect, but don't feel pressured. Do what feels right for you.

    Me:34 PCOS, one kinked tube, low thyroid.
    DH:39 lower than average count.
    Married 2006. 3 failed IUIs and countless BFNs.
    ~IVF#1: July 2012~
    7/10 Retrieval: 16r, 14f w/ICSI. 7/15 ET: Transfered 2. 4 frosties.< Poas faint+ 4dp5dt.>
    Beta#1 (8dp5dt): 138. Beta#2 (10dp5dt): 355.
    u/s#1: (19dp5dt) 8/3/12 one sac, two yolks! Beta 8,000
    u/s#2: two strong heartbeats! EDD 4/2/12
    Boy/girl fraternal mono/di twins-- lost our sweet baby girl at 22 weeks due to SIUGR
    Preterm labor at 23 weeks 4 days, lost our sweet baby boy.
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  • I am going to offer a different perspective. I'd go to the shower. I think it might get you excited because soon it will be your turn. I have had two losses, 2+ years of IF. Once i got past first tri and started telling people and I bought a few things it made me excited and hopeful.
    When I was dealing with IF I couldn't attend showers and would bawl my eyes out when I found out that someone was pregnant.
    You are pregnant. Things are looking good. I'd try and embrace that and go be there for your co worker. I think sometimes we have to push ourselves past our past. Those of us with long roads here will always have a part of us that feels sadness over the rough road we went on. But we can look forward and celebrate our and others blessings.
    I hope this helps and didn't seem too preachy.
    Btw I also think you should buy your baby something, an outfit or a blanket or a book. For me bringing baby stuff into the house was cathartic.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Can you see how you are feeling closer to the time?  If it's not for a few weeks, maybe you'll have even had your a/s by then and be feeling even more confident?

    Married 8/2008. IVF with PGD March 2013.
    3/22 ER: 25R, 20M, 15F. 9 genetically normal, and 3 survived to Day 5
    3/27 ET: transferred 1 embryo, beta 9dp5dt=163, 12dp5dt=639
    4/25 1st ultrasound at 7 weeks = identical twins with heartbeats?!!!
    PPROM at 31w, delivery at 32 weeks of two beautiful girls
  • I think dragonfly also made a very valid point. Sometimes we just need to move on from our past. I don't think there is a wrong answer only you know how you feel.
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  • I've now been to two baby showers since finding out I was pregnant.  Although one was for one of my IRL support group friends - so I would have went to that one regardless if I was pg or not.   I have to say I really enjoyed it - it was nice to not feel sad for myself for once.  Plus a work shower is shorter than a normal shower - so it's almost like a test run to see how you feel. 
     TTC #1 since 6/09
    Dx: PCOS and MFI
    3 IUIs, 4 IVFs = BFFN
      3rd RE: IVF #5/FET = BFP
    14dp5dt=1170 16dp5dt=2573

    1st u/s=
    It's a Boy and a Girl!

    Born at 34w3d! 

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