OAD not by choice? — The Bump
One & Done: Only child

OAD not by choice?

Are there many women on this board that did not choose to be OAD?  
DD conceived naturally in 2009.  TTC #2 since August 2010.  Praying for guidance as we decide what's next.

When the world says, "Give up,"

Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

 ~Author Unknown

Re: OAD not by choice?

  • I'm by choice, but there are some that are not.  It's mixed here! :)
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  • Me. I have a heart complication from my first pregnancy, and would not survive another pregnancy. It's really difficult having that choice taken away, and those first 6 months were especially rough. Focusing on the positives and reading some pro-only child books have really helped me. 
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  • I'm OAD not by choice.  The first few months of DS's life, I couldn't imagine how people have 2nd(or more) children but then things evened out and I badly wanted a 2nd child because DS is so awesome.  I wanted to experience it all again.  It took me a long time to get pregnant with DS and MH and I are older parents.  Basically, the shot clock ran out on me and we decided before DS was 5 mo that we were OAD and DH got a vasectomy at that point.  Even after the vasectomy though, I really had a hard time accepting that I wouldn't get to have a 2nd child.  It's only now that I'm finally letting go of the hope for a 2nd child and some of the bitterness/regret I have that my family size was not of my choosing. 
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  • Thanks, ladies.  I definitely did not choose to be OAD.  We got pregnant easily with DD and I never imagined it wouldn't happen again for us.  But after 3 years of fertility treatments, a lot of heart ache, and a second opinion from a doctor that told us we have little to no chance of pregnancy unless we're willing to use a donor egg... we've decided to end our journey.  Reading through some of the posts on this board, I thought most were OAD by choice so I'm not sure how much support I will find here. 
    DD conceived naturally in 2009.  TTC #2 since August 2010.  Praying for guidance as we decide what's next.

    When the world says, "Give up,"

    Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

     ~Author Unknown

  • There are many where it's not by choice, to varying degrees, but a lot of the threads look at the positive side of OAD, so it's not obvious. If you start back at the beginning of the board, with the first-time threads and introductions, there's more.
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  • Smudges*MomSmudges*Mom member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited August 2013
    I've made the choice to accept that being OAD is better for us. * My son is four years old and I am 42 years old. * It took us nearly two years, four failed IUI cycles and IVF to get pregnant (not to mention the financial aspect). * I never felt good while pregnant. Ultimately, I developed pre-eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome. * The OB who delivered my son (emergency c-section because I was so sick and he was not doing well) counseled me to be done. * I was hit with crushing PPD the day we came home from the hospital. My parents took shifts and cared for LO and me for two months. * My DH is in the military. He has been deployed for, basically, two out of the last four years. * We moved to Germany almost 18 months ago (and DH deployed three months later). Sure, if I were a head case, I could have pushed for a second child. But nothing in the list above says to me, "Let's do this again!" Just before meeting my husband eight years ago, I'd come to terms with the idea that I might not get married in time to have a family. (I was days away from turning 34 and had zero prospects for developing a long term relationship. I was being realistic.). So, being happily married to my husband and having one fabulous kid is more than I dared hope for. In a perfect world, I would have had two children. My life is far from perfect, but it's perfect for me. Sometimes I get wistful for what is not to be, but, for me, that is wasted energy. I can't change my/our situation. And, as a former infertile, I am thankful for the child I do have. I know that this situation is more difficult for some to accept, but for me, it is what it is. Being OAD was not my choice, but I have embraced it because I can not change it without risking what I already have. ETA: I swear, I used paragraphs when I wrote this. I'm not sure what's up with the formatting. Sorry for the block o' text. Ugh.
    ~*~*~*~ Smudges*Mom is Marni~*~*~*~

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    Our IVF miracle was born at 41w6d while Daddy was deployed to Iraq.
    Marni is a pre-e/HELLP Syndrome and PPD/PPA survivor!
  • I am not OAD by choice. I was forced to have a partial hysterectomy immediately after delivering my daughter. 
  • I think that it's really a mixed bag here; some people who "choose" to be OAD aren't really choosing based on their desire to not have more children.  There are quite a few of us who technically could have a second, but the choice really comes down to a risk assessment and what risks we're willing to take.  I'm one of those.  DH and I are in our 40s, and there are physical risks associated with my age for both myself and my unborn child (as well as some that aren't associated with my age) that I am not willing to take.  So, technically, I could have a second, but it would be unwise to do so at this point in my life.  
  • We wanted a second child. It is not in the cards for us. It is still hard for me. You will find support here. Hugs to you and welcome.
    Married 4/12/08 DS born 11/17/2009 via c-section at 39 weeks. 11/12/2011 BFP #2!! m/c 7w5d. 2/28/2012 BFP #3 Beta #1-12dpo = 18; Beta #2-16dpo = 185; Beta #3-18dpo = 505. EDD 11/10/2012. Ectopic discovered at 5w4d. D&C followed by methotrexate.
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