Feeling insecure :/

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe

At the beginning of this year I weighed 115 lbs.  I felt great. I exercised 4-5 times a week, and ate well for the most part.  In March, I got pregnant and I miscarried in May on Mother's Day.  I gained 5 pounds during that time and never knocked it off.  At my first prenatal appointment, I was 124.  No biggy......I expected to put on some weight due to bloat and only being able to stomach carbs lately.  I just weighed today and I am 128.  So I've gained 8 pounds in the last 12 weeks.  My doctor had me stop exercising completely.  I feel horrible about myself.   And I don't mean to sound selfish to those of you who truly struggle with weight issues and can't change that.  Please don't think this post is insensitive.  I just am now dealing with new feelings that I've never had to deal with before.  I went from feeling sexy with my husband all the time to now, I don't even want to change with him in the room unless the light is off. :'/  Anyone else feeling this way? Or do I just need to suck it up and embrace being pregnant? I'm hoping that when I go to my 2nd prenatal appointment next week, my doctor will okay light exercise so maybe I'll feel a little bit better.  

jazzyexpo

Is there a reason they said no exercise? Usually walking is ok and great to do during pregnancy. I think most pregnant women struggle with this. Your body is changing and it's no easy to deal with. I had an ectopic April 2012 and before that I had lost 40lbs. After though, I put it all back on because I got depressed. I still probably double your size and I'm already planning a major body weight loss, after baby comes of course. I don't really care at the moment about what my body looks like. It's temporary and before you know it, baby is here and your body is back. It's only temporary

tsmith312

I feel the same way ! I lost about 10 pounds before I got pregnant which put me at 125 ... Even my hudbdvd noticed and couldn't keep his hands off me . Now all I eat is carbs and I can tell I've gained weight and I don't even want my husband touching me bc I feel this way ! But I just think of the gift ill get at the end My precious LO and I know it's worth it . You can also loose weight it's not easy but after the baby go back to exercising !!

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe

jazzyexpo said:

Is there a reason they said no exercise? Usually walking is ok and great to do during pregnancy. I think most pregnant women struggle with this. Your body is changing and it's no easy to deal with. I had an ectopic April 2012 and before that I had lost 40lbs. After though, I put it all back on because I got depressed. I still probably double your size and I'm already planning a major body weight loss, after baby comes of course. I don't really care at the moment about what my body looks like. It's temporary and before you know it, baby is here and your body is back. It's only temporary

I think because I'm only just turning 22, and I had two miscarriages back to back, they wanted me to just try basically glorified bed rest to see if I could sustain this pregnancy. Which I have so far, and for that I'm very thankful. I know when I hold my little miracle it will be worth these depressing feelings. For now since I'm feeling better, I'm trying to make better eating choices.

rachbaby1

I've always watched my eating and exercised regularly - so I knew gaining weight on purpose was going to be tough, and it is.  You are so young - you will bounce back from this so fast! Especially since you practiced healthy eating and exercise habits prior to pregnancy. I'm trying to think of this as a phase where I do not have to worry about my weight and let go of the insecurities.  I know what you mean about wanting the lights off! But, I'm sure your husband is really much more caught up in his hopes for your healthy baby than you gaining some weight.

Hoping that soon you will have a cute little belly to make you feel more confident - and best wishes to you with this pregnancy.

htn1763

I know how you feel. I did ivf and had to stop running (was 5x a week and running in races a couple times a month) so I gained 10 pounds. Then I had a miscarriage and gained a couple more. I got weighed in today and I am still up those original 10 pounds. It just sucks to see it. I just wish I could have started off the pregnancy at my normal weight. I'm still not allowed to run either. 

MamaWino

I know where you're coming from but try not to worry about it.  I was incredibly fit and at my lowest adult weight before I got pregnant with DD.  I wasn't allowed to work out during my pregnancy either and all I wanted to eat were carbs so I put on a substantial amount of weight pretty quickly.  I ended up gaining 57lbs total (terrifying) but lost it all without even trying and I'm over a decade older than you.  You'll be fine  And I'm sure your husband thinks you're beautiful in a completely different way now.  

rachbaby1

FarmBoysWife said:

 
put away the scale for the next 9 months. Not the next 6 months, for 9.

We should all be able to turn in our scales somewhere!

KariB509

It's definitely hard gaining weight even when you know it's because there's a baby growing inside you. It's scary seeing that number on the scale every time, especially when you weren't happy with your prepregnancy weight like me. :-/ Just have to remind yourself that once you have the baby, you can work it all off. Why is your doctor having you not exercise??

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe

FarmBoysWife said:

I'm going to way over share. 

I'm 197.8 lbs right now (well, this morning at 4am when I stepped on the scale!) when I got KU I was 223ish. 

When I got KU with DS I was 170, and I never looked at my weight when they weighed me but my last weigh in I do know because the midwife told me I've only gained 5lbs my entire pregnancy. When I got home from the hospital I was 145lbs. 
After I had DS, between March (when I got back from my mat leave) and September, I gained up to the 223ishness i was at BFP. The only time I stopped it was when I cut my calories down to about 1,000 a day.. I 100% understand when you see those first few pounds creep on, you're like "fuck-balls" and freak out. This is the reason why I never peaked at my weight when I was KU with DS. I felt like I had gained 20 by the end of my pregnancy, I was huuuuuuuuuge. The only thing that made me ok with my post baby weight gain was knowing that I was doing the right things.. I've had more shit food since I got my BFP then in the entire time between DS' birth and finding out about this LO. 

My advice is this (and I did this with DS) eat healthy 95% of the time, take your prenatal (if you can) and put away the scale for the next 9 months. Not the next 6 months, for 9. You have to break your brain of the condition of "weight gain is bad, sinner, you're going to hell!!" and look at your body as doing something beautiful. Look at your body's progress and stop trying to quantify it because you'll go batty. 

Really great advice about putting the scale away lets see if I have the balls to do that lol. You seem like you're doing great if you've lost 20 + lbs since you got KU!! That's awesome. And about the vitamin....I think that's part of the reason for my weight gain. I started taking it at night so that I could sleep off the nausea, but I still have to eat a COMPLETE meal with it in order to keep it down. And usually the meal has been straight carbs. So maybe if I can change back to taking it in the mornings now since I'm not feeling so sick all the time.....that will help.

Thanks for the advice!

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe

KariB509 said:

It's definitely hard gaining weight even when you know it's because there's a baby growing inside you. It's scary seeing that number on the scale every time, especially when you weren't happy with your prepregnancy weight like me. :-/ Just have to remind yourself that once you have the baby, you can work it all off. Why is your doctor having you not exercise??

She said because I'm barely 22 and have already had 2 miscarriages back to back, she wanted to try this and see if I can sustain the pregnancy. So basically I've been on glorified bed rest. But I'm not complaining....my little one is growing strong at this point. :x

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe

Anneplusone said:

I'm with you. I also had a mc on Mother's Day. I was in marathon shape running races and four times a week min. Now I've been too sick and tired to run and eating carbs like crazy. My coworkers have noticed my weight gain and It feels odd not to be running all the time. Think I'm going to avoid the scale until march!

How far along are you now?? It's great that someone who has walked in my shoes has also been blessed very quickly with another chance!!! Congratulations.

rachbaby1

There are also options for vitamins that you do not need to take with food, if that would help.  I take New Chapter Perfect Prenatal and they have never made me sick - the prenatals I took at first were awful though.

linzerd

I would give anything to weigh what you do! My lowest ever weight was like 125 and that was over a decade ago! FBW is right, put that scale away! I don't even own one. We live on the 2nd FL of my parent's house and I sneak down there to weigh myself ONLY when neither of them are home. I have struggled with my weight for years. My mother did as well and had gastric bypass surgery in 2001. When I graduated HS I was 150 then lost 20 lbs my freshman year of college and stayed there for about 5 years. Then MH and I got together and I ballooned up to 180, then he broke up with me in '06 for 4 mos and I lost 40 lbs, then we got back together and I went back to 180, then we got engaged and i lost about 20 before my wedding, then I got ridiculously lazy and got all the way up to 217 when I got my BFP, since then I've lost about 10 lbs. Well, last week at the dr appt it said 211, but when I came home I weighed myself downstairs again and it said 209, so we're going with that! ;-)
In the end, it is normal. You are pregnant so you're gonna gain weight, there's no way around it. And you are young so chances are it won't be hard for you to take it back off after you have the baby. Good luck to all of us!

benevolentforce

Totally know how you feel - and I don't even own a scale.  I wish it were easier to flip the switch in my brain that says uncomfortably tight pants = bad to uncomfortably tight pants = good!  I'm just assuming changing the way I think about it will take time - like most everything else.

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PinupMomma08

I'll be 100% with you. My guess is that your DH, if he is like most all the Dh's out there, will still think you are so amazing and beautiful for your bodies changes. You might feel insecure, but I can promise you, he will still enjoy looking at ya. PROMISE. 

I was heavy to begin with, and still felt gross with DS and my DH told me once while he was watching me get dressed that he thought I never looked more beautiful. I was shocked and started my laundry list of complaints and he said it was beautiful magic watching me grow his son. 

Can't argue with that really. 

TradeMama

Before I got pregnant with DS I wore a 00P. It was really hard walking in front of a mirror as my shape changed. Then after he came, I never got my weight down again before I got KU again. Knowing I'll likely gain 40 lbs on top of the 15 I haven't lost yet. It does get easier when you look obviously pregnant and not just chubby.

Missfunball

I'm just echoing the other ladies, no reason you can't do light things. Maybe some yoga, it will definitely help and keep your core nice and tigh which is good for delivery and for you without being a heavy agressive workout

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe

I really appreciate all of your encouraging responses. It's nice to know that a lot of you are feeling exactly the same way.

HKline922

Due to your exercising before and because you lead a healthy lifestyle, your body will most likely bounce back faster. Just remember, our bodies have a serious job to do. We were made for this. Try not to focus on weight. Focus on nutrition for your baby. I worked hard to lose 15 pounds since New Years. I lost it plus
I lost 6 inches total. I'm not worried for I know I will have the same drive to get my body back after baby as I did before and even during this pregnancy.

ClaireBear90

With my first I started out at 118, dropped to 113 because of morning sickness, but by the end I had gained somewhere around 50 pounds. The pregnancy books tell you that 25-35 pounds is the "normal" range... yikes! I was concerned, but my midwife said I was fine, healthy, and that my weight gain was perfectly acceptable. Toward the end I was having a hard time with it. I really wasn't "fat" . . . I went from a size 4 to a size 6, but so much of it was water retention.

After the birth, my legs never looked skinnier to me. I lost the weight so much faster than I ever expected and without any formal exercise. Carrying a newborn around and breastfeeding was all it took for me to bounce back to almost my pre-pregnancy weight. Keep in mind, our bodies are meant to do this and everyone gains a different amount of weight and at different speeds. I gained way more than I thought I would, but I had a beautiful, healthy baby to show for it.

And if your husband is anything like mine, he probably thinks you're sexier than ever.

pattipants

I lost 10 lbs right before my BFP (I was doing the Whole30 detox), and I've gained 10+ lbs since then. It sucks! I gain and lose weight fairly easily, so I'm trying to focus on eating healthy now as much as possible, so that when it comes time to lose the weight, it's truly baby weight and not junk food weight.

For me, this in-between time is tough mentally, because I don't look that obviously pregnant, I feel like I want to wear a shirt that says, "I'm not fat, just pregnant!" But I know I don't have to justify my body to anyone; it's just my own mental hangups.

amsat

I had lost 15 pounds right before bfp and while I haven't gained it back yet, I haven't been exercising or eating as great as I was. It makes me feel like you do.

I'm sorry. I know how much the feeling sucks.

ProudMommy030614

I am short and thin so my 4 pound gain shows but all my DH says is," I did that, he'll yeah"! And we are expecting #3 and every time he loves the bump!

dancer7889

I'll be 100% with you. My guess is that your DH, if he is like most all the Dh's out there, will still think you are so amazing and beautiful for your bodies changes. You might feel insecure, but I can promise you, he will still enjoy looking at ya. PROMISE. 

I was heavy to begin with, and still felt gross with DS and my DH told me once while he was watching me get dressed that he thought I never looked more beautiful. I was shocked and started my laundry list of complaints and he said it was beautiful magic watching me grow his son. 

Can't argue with that really.


That's wonderful of your DH! I honestly think my DH is so focused on my growing boobs that he doesn't actually pay much attention to my slightly growing belly.

MrsLaurenandDan

FarmBoysWife said:

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe said:

FarmBoysWife said:

I'm going to way over share. 

I'm 197.8 lbs right now (well, this morning at 4am when I stepped on the scale!) when I got KU I was 223ish. 

When I got KU with DS I was 170, and I never looked at my weight when they weighed me but my last weigh in I do know because the midwife told me I've only gained 5lbs my entire pregnancy. When I got home from the hospital I was 145lbs. 
After I had DS, between March (when I got back from my mat leave) and September, I gained up to the 223ishness i was at BFP. The only time I stopped it was when I cut my calories down to about 1,000 a day.. I 100% understand when you see those first few pounds creep on, you're like "fuck-balls" and freak out. This is the reason why I never peaked at my weight when I was KU with DS. I felt like I had gained 20 by the end of my pregnancy, I was huuuuuuuuuge. The only thing that made me ok with my post baby weight gain was knowing that I was doing the right things.. I've had more shit food since I got my BFP then in the entire time between DS' birth and finding out about this LO. 

My advice is this (and I did this with DS) eat healthy 95% of the time, take your prenatal (if you can) and put away the scale for the next 9 months. Not the next 6 months, for 9. You have to break your brain of the condition of "weight gain is bad, sinner, you're going to hell!!" and look at your body as doing something beautiful. Look at your body's progress and stop trying to quantify it because you'll go batty. 

Really great advice about putting the scale away lets see if I have the balls to do that lol. You seem like you're doing great if you've lost 20 + lbs since you got KU!! That's awesome. And about the vitamin....I think that's part of the reason for my weight gain. I started taking it at night so that I could sleep off the nausea, but I still have to eat a COMPLETE meal with it in order to keep it down. And usually the meal has been straight carbs. So maybe if I can change back to taking it in the mornings now since I'm not feeling so sick all the time.....that will help.

Thanks for the advice!

I have no choice about my weight loss right now. I had HG with DS and have it with this LO. I'll be in the hospital again in 2 weeks for more fluids... LOL. 

I read that and immeasurably thought "oh no, she has HG again!" I've also lost over 20lbs due to HG. I'm surprised you're not getting fluids more regularly. I get them daily.

crystaljoanna

My dad gave me one piece of advice when I told him I was pregnant - "enjoy this time. Your body is going to change and you don't want to spend your time beating yourself up because you feel fat or unattractive." I thought it was strange advice from a dad - until I started to do it and caught myself. I have taken this bit of advice to heart.

We can't beat ourselves up. We wouldn't want our daughters doing it to themselves. I know it is hard and I catch myself looking at the blump, arm flab, wondering how big my hips are going to spread, etc then I remember why it's all happening and what it's for. And we're only going to get bigger in the next few months so I'm lovin my little extra five pounds (I'm only at 9 weeks) now because I know that scale will be creeping up!

my1stbabyat23

My doctor is a nazi! He yells at me saying I'm fat and I need to loose weight just like that. He doesn't care about anything else other than weight gain issues. I'm 187 now & he told me I better go in at 180 at my next visit! I'm like freaking out!

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe

bunnyfungo said:

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe said:

Is there a reason they said no exercise? Usually walking is ok and great to do during pregnancy. I think most pregnant women struggle with this. Your body is changing and it's no easy to deal with. I had an ectopic April 2012 and before that I had lost 40lbs. After though, I put it all back on because I got depressed. I still probably double your size and I'm already planning a major body weight loss, after baby comes of course. I don't really care at the moment about what my body looks like. It's temporary and before you know it, baby is here and your body is back. It's only temporary

I think because I'm only just turning 22, and I had two miscarriages back to back, they wanted me to just try basically glorified bed rest to see if I could sustain this pregnancy. Which I have so far, and for that I'm very thankful. I know when I hold my little miracle it will be worth these depressing feelings. For now since I'm feeling better, I'm trying to make better eating choices.

Have you asked your doctor how long you should stop exercising? Do you have to stop for the whole pregnancy? When I was pregnant with DD, my OB suggested swimming because it is has so little impact on your body. Even just walking laps from one end to the other can be a huge workout because of the resistance. Maybe you could do something like this?

She didn't say. I'm going back in at 13 weeks for my second appointment, and hopefully she will give me the clear to do some light exercise.  I live in Key West and have access to tons of beach water and tons of pools, so if she okays swimming I'm definitely gonna go for that. 

SVas1020

I feel horrible about myself as well. To make matters worse, my husband has decided in the past few weeks that he wants to be super healthy and has been counting calories and the whole none yards! I feel like he will glare at me as I sit there with a bowl of Cheerios at dinner (I have had terrible nausea since 5.5 weeks). I love that he wants to take care of himself but it makes me feel 10x worse about myself. :-S

rachbaby1

My DH is trying to get in shape too - and I really haven't been feeling the least bit bad while he has low fat cereal for breakfast and I make myself waffles.  It's hard to gain weight - but I have also been on a diet my entire life, and I'm working very hard to give myself some slack right now.  It sounds like all of you know how to lose weight, exercise and eat healthy, and I think we will all bounce back just fine! 

rachbaby1

Also - I just read an interview with Lena Dunham from Girls (best show ever!) with regard to body image, and it's such a nice example of what I'd like to pass onto any future daughter I have:

“My parents both have really healthy attitudes about their own bodies but also about the range of things that can be beautiful. But they also just always made me feel pretty and cool and smart, even in the moments when I have known – and still know – that my body wasn’t fitting into a traditional Hollywood idea of the female body…This could very easily be taken out of context, and I think it’s funny now, but I remember looking in the mirror as a kid and it would be like for an hour at a time, and I’d be like, ‘I’m just so beautiful. Everybody is so lucky that they get to look at me.’ And of course that changes as you get older, but I may have held on to that little-kid feeling that was me alone in my bathroom.”

clo1982

Honestly I think the only thing my DH sees and focuses on right now are 'ZOMG BIG BOOBS!!!!' I do understand where you are coming from and it's tough to see that number go up. Believe me, you absolutely will lose it if you work for it after the baby is here. Try to focus more on what your body is doing as it grows and realize that growing a baby is a workout in its own right. So, while you haven't  been  doing the traditional workouts that you are used to, your body is definitely still working. I try to think of that when the increasing number bothers me...if I had been laying around all the time and eating like I have been on normal terms, I would have gained a heck of a lot more than I actually have...so while I'm not running right now, I am still working!

bran0915

I totally understand!! I'm sure you'll be fine and it will even out. With DD I gained 80 pounds!!!!! It was insane. I have lost all of it plus some but I am determined I won't do that again - and every pound does suck BUT "they" say its better to gain to much than to little, so don't worry. Just enjoy being pregnant!

bran0915

my1stbabyat23 said:

My doctor is a nazi! He yells at me saying I'm fat and I need to loose weight just like that. He doesn't care about anything else other than weight gain issues. I'm 187 now & he told me I better go in at 180 at my next visit! I'm like freaking out!

Ummm find a new OB or midwife NOW. That's crazy!! Totally ridiculous

ClaireBear90

bran0915 said:

my1stbabyat23 said:

My doctor is a nazi! He yells at me saying I'm fat and I need to loose weight just like that. He doesn't care about anything else other than weight gain issues. I'm 187 now & he told me I better go in at 180 at my next visit! I'm like freaking out!

Ummm find a new OB or midwife NOW. That's crazy!! Totally ridiculous

This. Find a doctor or midwife who has some respect. It's one thing for your doctor to express concern over your weight and a totally different thing for him to berate you for it. My midwife always told me that what was most important was that I was eating well. If you're eating food that is good for you and baby and avoiding junk, I don't see what your doctor is freaking out about.