Should I be dealing with this or just ignore it?

sunnydays99

DS (4 in November) has started noticing and commenting on skin color. The other day in the store an African American woman was walking toward us and he said "look, a black mommy" (all women are mommy's to him!). I was mortified. The woman made a groaning sound and was past us before I could even think to apologize for him. I was just so stunned! Once we were in the car I tried mentioning that we don't comment on people's skin color, but he didn't seem to understand.

Today we were looking through a catalogue and he saw the witch from wizard of oz and called her a green mommy. I reminded him about not describing people based on their skin color and he said "but she is green".

Is he just too young to be making a big deal about this? I want to teach him to be respectful but at the same time I'm thinking that racial differences are just too abstract for him and he just notices a literal difference in color from himself. I'm torn on continuing to discuss it and just ignoring it when he says it. So, WDYT??

sunnydays99

fredalina said:

Totally normal. I would just acknowledge it and say, "Yes, there are a lot of different skin colors. Some people have black skin, some have white skin, some have brown skin, and the witch from The Wizard of Oz even has GREEN skin!" The problem with shushing him is he will start to think 2 things. One is that there are certain things he can't talk about with mommy, and the other is that if it makes you uncomfortable to talk about black skin then maybe there is something "wrong" with black skin. https://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2008/06/myth-of-colorblind-kid.html?m=1

Thank you!! The response idea is perfect! If (or when, most likely!) he does it again at least I'll be prepared with what to say! i just don't want the person he's talking about to think I'm doing nothing!! lol. My gut says that if I ignore it he'll just move on but I worried that maybe I should be doing something else. Thanks again!

sschwege

I agree, just say something along the lines of what pp said.  Try to react in a similar fashion to how you would react if he said, "Look a blue eyed mommy" or "Look a brown eyed mommy".  Just acknowledge and move on.  Some might disagree, but I don't think an apology is necessary here, he's not doing anything wrong.  

sunnydays99

fredalina said:

Or maybe it's because my kid would rather embarrass me in much more awesome ways. Like asking the amputee if he lost his arm in a science experiment or asking the little person where his mommy was. Or pointing at a woman in a burqa and yelling, "Look! A ninja!"

Oh my gosh! Kids really come up the craziest stuff!! A former co-worker told me that when she was 4 or 5 she was at the grocery store with her mom and saw a little person. She screamed "mommy look! It's a puppet!" Parenting can be so embarrassing!! Lol

meg1974

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I think society makes too much of a big deal about it. To me, the color of someone's skin is just another way of describing them - like the color of their hair, eyes, etc. I wouldn't be offended if some kid pointed at me and called me white. 

I realize some people are offended by this, but to me that is their issue, not yours. Our kids are not intending to be insulting and don't even understand why someone would take it that way, and there is a lot of truth in that. I think people can learn a lot from the innocent observations of kids.

Littlejen22

If you feel uncomfortable I would not apologize because that seems like it is wrong. Notifying differences is not wrong only thinking those differences are bad is wrong. I would make a positive comment like yes and isn't she wearing a pretty dress or doesn't she have pretty hair. My son is 6.5 and very into braids so when she sees a black woman with long braided hair he loves it but if he says it out loud then I make it positive.

ambrvan

fredalina said:

IDK. I guess I don't really care what others think. There is nothing "wrong" with having black skin or even with pointing it out (as various media outlets do all the time). It is a little bit like pointing out that someone has a purple shirt. And most parents of all colors have been through this to some degree.

Or maybe it's because my kid would rather embarrass me in much more awesome ways. Like asking the amputee if he lost his arm in a science experiment or asking the little person where his mommy was. Or pointing at a woman in a burqa and yelling, "Look! A ninja!"

Or deciding that the check out line at the grocery store is the perfect place to start talking about the anatomical differences of makes and females... very loudly.