DD sorry

emme022

So yep I did end up deleting this like I had said I probably would but felt I should respond to/answer a few people who did post so I am sorry if I miss something because I can not see the replies but I am 26 and I actually am on 2 forms of birth control because I am aware this is not even remotely a good time to be making babies.  Yes SO's 30+ hour income plus unemployment is our only current income although I am trying and applying any and everywhere to change that and I am hoping at the very least I can get holiday employment soon. I've tried to find meet up groups etc and I have just had a really hard time meeting people/finding friends but I am still trying to change that.  And although SO and I discussed before I become involved in LO's life if we were "really in it" since it was not fair to her if we were not we are now again discussing things and trying to really talk out if this is right for both of us and her both now and in the long run, it has been a very very very bad month/summer mostly due to my family/money/my school stuff in general basically only part has been SO.  Like I said I am also, and SO knows this, really thinking about/trying to figure out if I can put up with/deal with BM for the rest of my life so hopefully we can figure out where to go from here no matter where things land.  Anyway thanks again for the advice and sorry for the crazy person post I have slept maybe 8 hours in 4 days and I'm just starting to break.

docco11

Wha??  I don't even know where to begin.

fellesferie

Your only household income is SO's 30-hour per week job? And he's in school full time? How can you possibly live on that?

I don't really remember your background. Do you have a child with your SO? I can't tell for sure in your post. If not, you might consider taking a step back and trying to reevaluate whether this is really the right thing for you. 

It also sounds like you should go out and try to make some friends. I know that's easier said than done, but you need some social support. There are play groups and book clubs and all kinds of places to go and just meet people to talk to. 

It's understandable why you are overwhelmed and anxious. And I also understand venting, but I really think you should make some changes. A lot of the things you mentioned in your post are changeable. 

Sigir

How old are you?

Why can't you get your masters?

It sounds to me like you are very young, and need to take some time to find yourself and what you want to do. I am assuming you are caring for your so's child, and don't have any children of your own yet. If that is true:

1. Get on two forms of bc, stat.
2. StoP focussing on so and his baggage and figure out what you want to do w your life. If that means moving back in w your parents so be it.
3. Don't move back in w anyone until you have at least a year of a solid job you enjoy under your belt. You will meet friends through work. What is your degree in?

Let me tell you, I got married and tied down way too young and it led to a lot of misery. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, and it seems you might be going down that path. Don't do it.

ambrvan

I just want to let you know you are not alone.I read your post this morning but could not reply to now.

Last year I was the only one working, both DH and I were in school, and we have two kids, and we were going back to court with BM again. I also live far from my family and have no real "friends" here. The loneliness definitely added to my feelings of being overwhelmed. Money was a huge stress.

I don't know you well, but I know that for me, I am a control freak of sorts. It really added to the feelings of being alone because I made myself alone by taking on everything, all the responsibility, myself. One thing that helped us was me opening up and asking for help. From DH. From church. From my mamaw. And not necessarily money, but just asking for emotional support. Opening up to my H about my feelings really changed a lot for us. I didn't realize that me trying so hard to take care of it all was making him stressed out too. I thought I was making things easier on him.

Don't hesitate to vent here. Or PM me if you want to talk. You sound like you are feeling so much like I was not long ago.

EarthandFire

@EmcMac87:
You sounds like me on the social arena. On a acquaintance level I am very good with people. At work, in organizations I'm involved with, with my LO's teachers I am very good at getting along with people but pushing that to a more personal level and really creating those friendship bonds I struggle. I always have.

I also lost friends when I graduated HS and was literally ditched by the one person I felt really bonded to for alcohol and partying. I don't drink more than a glass of wine if I drink. I have no problem going out or with those who do drink but she stopped calling and when I'd call she'd make excuses about why she couldn't hang out.

My better half is my best friend and has been for years before we became romantically involved. I still go out there and try to meet new people but it's hard for me to find people I click with and maintain that close interpersonal relationship. We both have children from previous relationships as well as one together on the way. We aren't dealing with the financial difficulties you are, though I have had my share like everyone so I can understand your struggles there. I've been a single mom for most of my LO's life. His ex is also difficult. Manipulative and all sorts of selfish. Some of the things she does boarder on unhinged. I've asked others about her behavior so this is not my bias opinion and she has in the past needed psychiatric treatment. 

I'm from a blended family that works and works really well. My step-mother's ex was much like the BD's I hear about on here so everything wasn't always roses and having BH's ex in our life I understand the struggles that other moms are having here with both BM's and BD's. We have our own similar ones. If you want you can PM me any time. Or anyone for that matter.

EarthandFire

@ambrvan: Me too on the doing things to make things easier for him and realizing it made it harder. Communication is so important.

redrae78

emcmac87 said:

  Like I said I am also, and SO knows this, really thinking about/trying to figure out if I can put up with/deal with BM for the rest of my life so hopefully we can figure out where to go from here no matter where things land.  

If you are questioning if you can put up with BM now then I would suggest walking away before you get too deep into this relationship.  

Our BM is BSC and has put us through hell.  There have been times when I thought of walking away but I love my DH too much and I don't want our DD to grow up without her daddy so we make it work.  We have a good foundation and we have a Pastor that we can talk to when times get hard.  Let me tell you it has not been easy.     

You are young and have your whole life ahead of you!!!  Focus on YOU and what makes you happy.  Get out and find yourself a job that you enjoy.  Meet new people and put yourself first. Once you are in a better place emotionally and financially all of the other pieces will fall into place.  

EarthandFire

redrae78 said:

 

Our BM is BSC and has put us through hell.  There have been times when I thought of walking away but I love my DH too much  

This. I've been angry with him and asked myself why I'm putting myself through the hurt but once I calmed down there was never any doubt in my mind I'd put up with whatever I had to for our family. I love all our children and the genetics don't matter. They're all mine. It's not an easy road. It's good you're realistic with yourself.