Recipients dropped out update

ArgyleBride · August 2013

mobile: Recipients dropped out

After all the warnings to me about how important it was that I be responsible, take the cycle seriously, and be sure I could follow through with donating, it turns out this cycle is ending early because of the recipients, not me. It's not like I feel angry or led on or anything like that, I'm just really surprised; the clinic has been so focused on making sure I go through with it, and disappointments on this board have been about disappearing donors/GCs, it just didn't occur to me that the IPs would drop out. I suspect this was a very difficult decision for them--apparently, the IP's mother has become ill and needs care. It sounds like a heartbreaking situation.

Anyway, I have been told to carry on as if it is happening, with the hope that they will find someone else who matches with me and can just slide right in. Not sure how that would work--why have I been on BCP for a month if they could align cycles this late? Maybe they are hoping to find IPs okay with a FET? No clue here. I hope this doesn't push my cycle back enough to put all my appointments and retrieval right in the beginning of the term--I am TAing and that would be pretty disruptive.

LittleLady77 · August 2013

Wow! I'm so sorry. It must be kind of a let down.

brooklynesque · August 2013

I'm so sorry this happened to you!! I'm sure it was an agonizing decision for the IPs, and I have a feeling IP drop-outs are are pretty rare generally. (You're just the lucky one!

) What the clinic might suggest if it finds another recipient right away is an all-freeze cycle (ETA: I see you already mentioned the prospect of an FET above). The clinic would freeze 3- or 5-day embryos until the intended mother was at the point in her cycle where she was ready to receive them. I know this is sometimes done even in "normal" fresh cycles if it turns out the intended mother's lining isn't cooperating. Lots of clinics have equally good stats with frozen embryos. Alternatively, they might ask if you would be willing to freeze your eggs (to be used for the right recipient in the future) for similar comp. Good luck, and I hope this works out for you.

Lacyj67 · August 2013

Oh I am so sorry! But im sure they will match you with someone very soon. We kinda jumped in with a donor and are doing a FET because we couldn't synchronize the cycles in time and in so ok with that!! Good luck and keep going!!

ArgyleBride · August 2013

I love hearing your stories of last-minute cycles working out. I'm relieved that this is a feasible goal; I was afraid the clinic might just be stalling. Consider me comforted! I'm one of the lucky ones who gets sick on BCP, so I'll be glad if it's not for nothing!

It is a bit disorienting, switching IPs in the middle, but we were anonymous so the change will not be very jarring. And maybe after the family emergency has resolved, the same IPs will come back to me. You never know.

stinkerbell6879 · August 2013

So sorry that this happened. I am sure they will make sure that things get sorted out soon! Also I will ditto that there are sometimes that there is someone on the list waiting for you :-)

liz4paws · August 2013

Wow, that's very unusual and I'm sorry it happened to you! I hope that everything works out in the end.

BeckyP005 · August 2013

Wow I'm sorry. Hopefully everything works out.

ArgyleBride · August 2013

Okay, update: there apparently is a list for me (surreal, yet flattering) and they have confirmed with another match. What they neglected to tell me before asking me if I wanted to "go ahead" with a different match--and then telling the new match--is that the timing will be *completely* different, and may indeed fall on difficult-with-work times. I am even out of the state for part of October, the new estimated retrieval month (so specific) which they should know (I've told them twice) but probably don't. Siiiiiiigh. I really wish they had given me all the relevant information before telling the new IP I was on board, now I have to do it now matter how awful the timing is and I'm just frustrated with the clinic. Humbug.

MrsT4 · August 2013

Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear about this and my initial thought was that it seems to be very unusual for IP's to back out. I wonder why they just didn't agree to a 'freeze all' cycle, but perhaps it is more complicated than that?

I'm more upset to hear your update and that your clinic isn't being more honest about the dates with you. You shouldn't have to agree if the timing doesn't work for you, especially given that you have travel plans already in place. It is very nice that you're concerned about the new IP's, but I think the clinic needs to take some responsibility here....ugh, I know it's a tough situation and I commend your attitude, given all of these last minute changes!

(((Hugs))) to you and I hope it all works out in the end.

BeckyP005 · August 2013

Nothing is easy! Glad they found a match BUT they should of talked to you first. Can't believe they just assumed it was ok!!

Like MrsT4 mentioned if this isn't doable for you then you shouldn't feel guilty. I'm sure the IP's might be a little sad but they shouldn't of told her!

My clinic did that to me and in the next breathe she wasn't available. Facts pp before getting us all excited..lol. Good luck in whatever decision u make!!

Mama-Bear · August 2013

If the dates don't work then tell the clinic, you already have plans. If you hadn't and maybe you just didn't want to do an ER in October then I'd tell you to suck it up, but when they made plans without even consulting you, that really kind of ticks me off (as if the clinic doesn't even feel it's important to consult the donor). When I was gearing up for my cycle (as a GS) the clinic asked me specific dates that I wouldn't be available and would've worked around any (only date was DS1's b-day and we did the transfer almost a month before then).

stinkerbell6879 · August 2013

Ditto everyone! Tell the clinic! My donor told my clinic and we got pushed out a week before we even started. The IP will understand, you have to make sure your not stressed by this process, just as much as the IP want you to start they will also understand and not want you to be under ANY extra stress. Good Luck!

brooklynesque · August 2013

Argylebride: I agree with the others here who say call the clinic to discuss timing. My original donor needed to tinker with the dates a bit and it was fine. The clinic will work with you. If not, there are agencies I can recommend. ;-)

ArgyleBride · August 2013

I called them to make sure they knew about the trip. I am sure everything will work out, and if it royally sucks, then I will consider switching to an agency.

Prayingforblessing · August 2013

I am sorry I hope it works out!!

BabyVDM · September 2013

ArgyleBride said:

mobile: Recipients dropped out

After all the warnings to me about how important it was that I be responsible, take the cycle seriously, and be sure I could follow through with donating, it turns out this cycle is ending early because of the recipients, not me. It's not like I feel angry or led on or anything like that, I'm just really surprised; the clinic has been so focused on making sure I go through with it, and disappointments on this board have been about disappearing donors/GCs, it just didn't occur to me that the IPs would drop out. I suspect this was a very difficult decision for them--apparently, the IP's mother has become ill and needs care. It sounds like a heartbreaking situation.

Anyway, I have been told to carry on as if it is happening, with the hope that they will find someone else who matches with me and can just slide right in. Not sure how that would work--why have I been on BCP for a month if they could align cycles this late? Maybe they are hoping to find IPs okay with a FET? No clue here. I hope this doesn't push my cycle back enough to put all my appointments and retrieval right in the beginning of the term--I am TAing and that would be pretty disruptive.

My perfect donor was cycling for another couple when they had to suddenly drop out. We jumped at the chance to have her knowing all our cycles would be FET. Her eggs were collected and added to our cliics donation bank but held for us. DH deposited his sperm and the eggs were thawed and fertilized and then frozen at 5 day blasts. I am pregnant now with twins. We have 5 frosties still waiting for us.

It's a shame you won't be cycling for that couple, but please know if you continue, there will likely be a happy couple who will thank you for it!