Cry it out? — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Cry it out?

I am just curious on what everyone's thoughts are on either letting a baby cry it out or running to soothe baby every time. My hubby and I have different opinions on this so I wanted to see what others thought.




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Re: Cry it out?

  • jessalynn521jessalynn521
    2500 Comments 250 Answers Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its
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    edited August 2013
    Babies don't have the ability to self soothe this young. CIO therefore only reinforces a sense that no one will come satisfy the baby's needs. When they cry at this age they need something, and it should be dealt with in an appropriate time frame (I finish whatever I am doing with my 1 year old and then come take care of the baby). If it is just whiney noises (he does in the MOTN) I give it a few seconds to see if he just falls back asleep or not.
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    somerandomladystudyinpink[Deleted User]
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  • I'm team run to soothe! Crying is their only form of communication.
  • Soothe. I come to her more quickly or slowly depending on the type of cry (pain cry, fussy cry, etc.).
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  • kmvwkmvw
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    My husband wants to try it because after she is changed and fed and put down for bed, she cries. It is pacifier related though, if it falls out of her mouth she cries until we come and put it back in. My husband thinks she should be able to just go to sleep without us running to put the pacifier back in.




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  • kmvw said:
    My husband wants to try it because after she is changed and fed and put down for bed, she cries. It is pacifier related though, if it falls out of her mouth she cries until we come and put it back in. My husband thinks she should be able to just go to sleep without us running to put the pacifier back in.
    How old is your baby?
  • kmvwkmvw
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    She is 7 weeks, will be 8 weeks on Thursday




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  • At this age, too young. Depending on baby, maybe around 5/6m.
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  • My son is almost 2 weeks old. When he cries we run to him, period. He is too young to CIO.
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  • kmvw said:
    My husband wants to try it because after she is changed and fed and put down for bed, she cries. It is pacifier related though, if it falls out of her mouth she cries until we come and put it back in. My husband thinks she should be able to just go to sleep without us running to put the pacifier back in.
    Tell your husband no to CIO at this age and to be thankful that she's not sleeping in your bed. So, if that means getting up to put her binky back in her mouth than just scurry on in there and do it. Eventually she'll learn to self soothe and put her own binky back in. But not now...
                                   






     
                                 
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  • I don't agree with and every bit of research I've done says that its not appropriate since their needs and wants are the same thing for babies at this age. I don't always Automatically pick my son up every time he starts crying or fussing. It depends on why he's crying...because sometimes he just wants to know he's not alone and simply hearing my voice until I can pick him up is soothing enough to calm him down...but I never just leave him alone to sort it out himself. (my sons 2mo)

    my step daughter on the other hand is left to CIO 75% of the time she's but she's 2...and the majority of the time her crying is for wants that she can't rather than needs.

  • Nicb13 said:


    elmoali said:

    What your husband needs to realize is that it's not about the paci, really.  For her, she needs something to feel safe and comfortable.  It happens to be the pacifier but it's about meeting her need.  Just because we as adults feel safe in the environment doesn't mean they feel the same. Our world, to them, is like one of us being dropped off in a foreign country where we didn't speak the language, didn't know anyone, couldn't get our own food, didn't know where to go at night to sleep, etc.  They are little, nervous & confused and needing comfort is real and how they find that comfort is different for all babies.  Like another poster said, her baby can be soothed by voice and that's great.  Some kids need the paci.  Some need to be held.  It all goes back to meeting the need they have to feel calm, safe and secure.

    Show this paragraph to your husband. This little tiny baby just needs her mom and dad for comfort. How do people not understand that?


    Seriously. I feel like I'm going to get a rep on TB for being such a B about CIO posts, but FFS, a tiny infant can't just be left alone to cry.

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  • Your husband needs to read up on this. Babies that young can't self soothe.
  • kmvwkmvw
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    Thank you for everyone's input. The only reason my husband wanted to have dd cry it out is because that's what other people are telling him to do, including one of the maternity ward nurses. She had said that as long as the baby is fed, changed and burped that its ok to let a baby cry a little. I don't think my husband is a moron or idiot, we are both first time parents trying to figure this parenting thing out. But thanks for everyone's help!




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  • @kmvw I don't think your husband is an idiot but it's very easy to be swayed by people who give you an answer that APPEARS to give you what you want.  It's about education so have him read up on it.  That said, there are times when a baby has to cry.  Like another poster mentioned, if you're in the bathroom/shower, getting your own food, etc. and the baby starts to cry, finish taking care of you - the baby won't break.  That's a necessity vs letting them cry to "teach" them that crying won't get them what they want.  There's also a difference between fussing and crying.  Sometimes babies have to fuss it out a little as they attempt to settle themselves.  You'll get to know your baby and what the cut off is where you know if you don't go to them, they're going to escalate.
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  • I don't let him CIO right now. If everything is good (fed, swaddled and clean), I will let him fuss for no longer than 5 min and will go get him if he hasn't fallen asleep yet.

    ssemovsk
  • I am so sick of all my DH's relatives (older.. 55+ but a lot of them) constantly telling me since DD was born that we are spoiling her by holding her too much and not letting her CIO. It's affirming to see all these posts.. In addition to our pediatrician and most modern literature saying that a newborns wants are the same as their needs.
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  • I'm all for CIO when it is age appropriate, but that is not at 7 weeks.
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  • elmoali said:

    @botanicalbliss Do you have other children?  I think it's fine to say you don't believe in CIO in infants but with some kids, it's a very real possibility by toddlerhood they will figure out how to play you.  After you've been woken up by cries for water, more blankets, less blankets, a weird shadow, I just want to sleep in yoooour bed!, and other cries for zero legit reason, you might find yourself deciding that the kid has to suck it up and learn to put themselves back to sleep.

    No, I don't, and my opinion might change when he gets older, but I don't think I could handle just letting him cry.


  • Playing the "Bink Game" sucks, but if you're going to give her a paci, be prepared for her to cry when it falls out. May I suggest not giving her a bink when she's in her crib/bassinet? This will eliminate the bink game.

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  • This is too young to let them CIO. Baby spent 9 months in the womb; if she is fed and changed then perhaps she is gassy, or maybe she just wants to be held. At this young age, it is still okay for you to rock her to sleep in your arms when needed. Also, if this is her bedtime, make sure that the last hour before bedtime is quiet, soothing, and low-light. These all tell her it's bedtime. Until my son was 5 months, he slept in his pack & play next to us, which had vibrations that helped soothe him to sleep. On extra difficult nights, we did let him sit in his swing to fall out, then carried him to his bed. If you use these methods sparingly and not every night, they will not become dependent on them. You may be tired while all this crying is going on, but know that it will pass and that she will only be this small once, so make it count. :)
  • OP, my husband was constantly asking when we could let her "cry it out". He would mention things about how we're just teaching her to cry, blah blah blah. BUT-we were lucky enough to have a low needs baby, so the few times she has cried it's been easily fixed and she STTN early. so that helped him understand that when they're SO young, crying is a need, because she really only did cry for needs (food, poopy diaper, and ocassional comfort). 

    I will say we've let her fuss during sleep cycles around 2 months-she'd wake up and fuss for 2-5 minutes and fall back asleep. she will still fuss when she's super tired, but that's her way of falling asleep-she fusses in our arms too, and she fusses LESS in the crib then our arms so we let her have it. last night was the first time we let her "cry it out", and she's over 6 months.

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  • She is 7 weeks, will be 8 weeks on Thursday
    Too young. Have you read / heard of the 4th trimester? There is no spoiling, no manipulation, and no "teaching of lessons" at this age. Being held is a legitimate need.
    My son is 8weeks old...I wish someone would tell some of my family that, they insist he needs to learn he can't be held all the time :-\ I hate it and you can't tell them otherwise
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  • If they push, ask them if they would like you to provide some research that proves babies this young

    a)can't manipulate with crying for wants vs needs

    b)grow up to be more independent if their needs are met immediately and swiftly early on

    c)only cry for needs because they have no other way to communicate.

    I did that with my husband. I sent him an email with many links and purchased a book.

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  • do you all go the minute the baby makes any kind of crying or whiny noise or only when they are full on crying ( this is at night)?  Sometimes my baby will start  making whiny noises or likes hes starting to cry and I get up to get him and he stops.  Sometimes I wait to make sure he is really crying and not just making noise so I will give him a minute before I go get him.

        

  • MrsMuq said:
    kmvw said:
    My husband wants to try it because after she is changed and fed and put down for bed, she cries. It is pacifier related though, if it falls out of her mouth she cries until we come and put it back in. My husband thinks she should be able to just go to sleep without us running to put the pacifier back in.
    Your husband needs to inform himself about the development of infants, then. Babies absolutely should not be subjected to CIO before 6mo, and personally, I wouldn't do CIO at all.
    This. It's just not something I could do even if the baby was 12 or 18 months. Many people do have success with it but they do it properly and at the right age.
  • It shouldn't be started until 4 months. We didn't do it until closer to a year
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  • I agree with other commenters--she's too young for cry-it-out. When my (now 2 year old) son was that age, our pediatrician instructed me to feed him every 4 - 5 hours in the night, or whenever he needed it. But there are other reasons your baby could be crying: colic, loneliness, boredom, gas, etc. She could also still be establishing her circadian rhythm.

    My son didn't swaddle well, so he learned to self-soothe with his fingers. 7 weeks is probably too early for that, but I would recommend leaving a hand free so she can start getting coordinated enough to attempt to self-soothe. 

    Babies at this age are not manipulative. Our pediatrician told us that babies should not begin sleep-training (CIO method, etc) until 6 months at the absolute earliest. We ended up using Ferber's method around 8 months (after trying no-cry methods) and it worked for us. I know you and your husband are exhausted, and I understand. Hang in there--the 4th trimester is very difficult. I found when our son 3 months that he slept a lot better, and I've heard the same of my mommy friends.

    And there is nothing wrong with letting an infant/baby cry a little. In fact, I read recently that babies sometimes make crying noises in their sleep as they transition into different stages of sleep, so if you jump up the instant they start make a noise you could be disrupting their sleep. I would say 5 minutes is a reasonable amount of time to wait, unless the cry is more alarming.
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