21 months apart. Overwhelmed!

TannersMama

Hi there. I have a son who is 13 months old who is the love of my life. DH and I are just enamored with him more each and every day. And..we just found out we are pregnant. Surprise! We wanted another, maybe 2 more, but just not yet. We were thinking maybe about trying next summer. And I just can't shake the idea that its too soon! I have yet to really feel happy about the news, which makes me feel awfully guilty. But I also worry that our son is still such a baby, and I'm going to rock his world, and feel guilty about that too! That's what's really killing me. I work full time, and already feel like I don't get enough time with him as it is. Am I ruining his life or making it that much better by giving him the gift of a sibling? Thanks for reading thus far. Any advice from those who have been there would be greatly appreciated.

Divallyn

Siblings are never a garunteed gift.

I think you will be fine. Kids are resilient, you are not ruining his life.

Pinklemondreams

Hello! My kids are 17 months apart. My DD is 2 and a half and my DS is now 1 and they get along wonderfully. I worried initially that my alighted would feel neglected, jealous, etc. but she really didn't have much to compare life to. When DS was a newborn he slept most of the time so she still got plenty of mommy time, and once he was more alert she was able to interact with him somewhat. When he started crawling, oh my word, they started to play together and it was so cute! They napped at different times so each one got one on one time with me. Now we can all play a game of hide and seek or keep away. They love taking baths together. And recently they started sharing a room! It's been wonderful to see them become such good playmates. I'm pregnant with my third so he/she will be 19 months younger than DS, and I'm hoping it will be as smooth a transition for the older two. I will admit, the first 6 months were difficult for me but only because of the teething and constant breastfeeding. After that life is a breeze. I hope you feel better about this! Good luck!

shj5u

hey.

Take a deep breath--this is great.  I promise.

I have 2 boys that are 20 months apart, and while I planned for and really wanted my second son, I spent a lot of my pregnancy feeling boderline terrified of him.  I was (and still am) enraptured with my first son (and second now, too , and he was/is very much a mama's boy.  I was so worried about what this would do to him; I felt almost like I had betrayed him.

Fast forward...I have a 34 month old and a 14 month old.  They are thick as thieves, they already play together a lot, and both really enjoy the other's company.  For us, it's turned out to be nothing short of wonderful.  The first year was not this crazy sleep-deprived nightmare that I'd heard it was.  There were no moments where I really couldn't meet needs in a reasonable amount of time.  No times where I really felt like I was failing DS1. It's busy, sure, but it's the right kind of busy.

So, here's what I clung to when I was pregnant that made it easier:

1. people have been doing this for bajillions of years. It's not crazy to have 2 kids under 2.

2. think about 10 years from now, not just 10 months. 

3. your oldest is still going to be a baby, and this is a good thing.  he won't go through this major transition while in the throws of figuring out his 2's. he won't be crazy jealous.

4. you have 9 months to get ready.  your oldest will seem older and more independent by the time #2 comes.  it'll seem more doable soon.

Really, it's twice the good stuff, and it's more than doable.  I now have two amazingly different but equally adored loves of my life.  My relationship with my first has not suffered one bit, and we all get another boy to love. 

As far as the work load goes, it's more, but it isn't exponentially more.  Bedtime routines after the initial newborn craziness can be at the same time.  Before you know it, everyone will be eating food together, and double strollers and baby carriers solve most of the physical logistics.  This is totally doable, and it's all good!!

MNmama7112

i'm about in the same place you are- i have an almost 14 month old and we are due at the end of march with #2, so they'll be 21 months apart. we planned for this one, but i did have an odd mix of complete joy/excitement and guilt. i have thought a lot about how my little boy will have to "grow up" a little faster than what might be "normal" (i.e. transition to a big boy bed before 2 to make the crib available to the new baby, etc.) and i've even cried thinking about how he won't be our "one and only" and won't have our undivided attention anymore. at the same time, i'm excited for them to play together, to see my son [hopefully] embrace being a big brother, and for our family to grow. i honestly am not sure that i wouldn't feel any of these things if we'd waited longer to have another baby. i truly think it's a normal part of the process of big life changes (like when we were having our son and it was bittersweet thinking it wouldn't be just my husband and i anymore).

i think it's good you're acknowledging these feelings. but try not to let the negative feelings overshadow what could be an exciting time.

shj5u- i appreciate your post soooo much! that's just what i needed to hear- what a positive, realistic outlook. thanks for the perspective from someone who's been there

LC122

I will agree with shj5u's #4 because that's all I've got so far. We are a few weeks out from having two that will be 21-22 months apart. I have been looking back at pictures from when our first turned a year old and I can't believe how much she has changed and what a big girl she is. Daily, she amazes me with new things she can say and do (and reach). So, I guess what I'm saying is that your first LO is going to grow and change so much in the next 9 months that you won't feel like he's such a baby anymore by the time your next LO arrives.
I'm also hoping this age difference hits that little sweet spot where they are old enough to know what a baby is and understand enough about what's going on, but aren't quite so caught up in their own world so as to reject any imposition upon it.

TannersMama

Wow I can't thank you enough for these responses. So comforting to hear your experiences and really helped my perspective. Time to get excited :-)

mama2kyle

My babies are 22 months apart. I was also afraid of how my oldest would handle the change. All I can say is that he LOVES his brother. He's the first person he asks for when he wakes up in the morning and from naps... he loves laying next to him and giving him kisses, helping me get a burp rag or the pacifier... he's doing so much better with it than I ever imagined. I will say though that my oldest LO is pretty independent...he can occupy himself and enjoys playing even if nobody else plays with him, so that might be part of why it's easier than I thought. I hope they will grow up to be super close!!

kmonroe2

I have a 9 month old and just found out I am (unexpectedly) pregnant. Due late April which would make them about 1.5 years apart. I too have had a weird mix of excitement and terror. Ha! These responses have put me a little more at ease. Thanks ladies!

mcfife09

@shj5u- Wow! Thank you, I'm feeling just like OP and your words put me at ease. I actually cut and pasted it on a note to reread if I'm ever feeling scared. Thank you for your thoughts!!!

Beckypooh09

Two years later having kids 20 months apart is such a blast. They play together all the time and of course they fight all the time. lol. But although it has had its major ups and downs I wouldn't change a thing.

IBackBevo

Lurking...I love this thread! I just found out I am KU, too. My LO's will be 21 months apart. I am glad I lurked on this board. You all sound very supportive and I look forward to lurking/posting in the future.

MyLucky7s

My girls are 23 months apart and now 2 and 4.  Watching them play together and look out for each other is amazing. Yes they fighter and argue but when they are apart, they actually say that they miss the other one.  It is harder the first year but soon they will grow to the same routine.  Congrats!

Mayfaerie88

I am in the same boat.  My daughter will be 21 mos when Baby #2 arrives in November (gender is a surprise).  The thought of 2 under too is a little overwhelming, but I have several friends that have children close in age (a few are teens and few are younger) and they said it worked out well for the most part.  I am also an older (and SAHM) at 43, so I'm already tired keeping up with my very active 19 mos now, but we really hoped for a sibling and didn't have the luxury of time on our side to wait a couple/few years in between.  So while it's a little scary, we are really excited!  Plus I have my parents nearby to help out which will really be a big help!
Good luck to you!  And just breathe

MNmama7112

IBackBevo said:

Lurking...I love this thread! I just found out I am KU, too. My LO's will be 21 months apart. I am glad I lurked on this board. You all sound very supportive and I look forward to lurking/posting in the future.

I'm due March 26th and my kiddos will be 21 months apart too!