BD no call, no show - what should I do?

KTdidit

Thursday was the start of BD's weekend with DS. I drove down to the meeting point, waitted 40 minutes for him and he never came. Never called. Aside from documenting, is there anything else I should do? Call the lawyer and let him know, for some reason?

SimpleJane

I would just document it. How far do you have to drive to the drop off point? If it is very far I would tell BD that if he doesn't call and confirm the DO the day of the next visit you wont be meeting him.

Amanda88

Can you email/text him and say, "I went to the drop off and wait 40 minutes and you did not show or call to say you were not coming. Next time, please call if you aren't going to make it. It disappoints/upsets DS. If this become a habit, I will not be driving to the meet up without verification that you will actually be there and on time."?

This way you have some sort of proof he did not show up, and you don't have to waste your time or have to see your DS hurt because X can't get his act together. When we would just "document it" it didn't really mean anything in court. The judge said there was no way to prove it by us just writing it down. 

KTdidit

The drive is about 40min one way.

BD has no working phone, no email, and no way to check his Facebook (which was how we were communicating for a while). So I have no number to call and leave a message for him. When he cancels weekends or tells me he has to put it off a day he calls from random numbers. Should I send a FB message and he will see it next time he is able to sign on?

grumbledore

Send the Facebook message anyway - it's not your responsibility to make sure he has a way to check it.  

Does he have a mailing address?  Send a certified letter.

On a non-what-to-do note:  That really sucks, I'm sorry you and your DS had to deal with that.

Littlejen22

Am I the only one that would want to know that nothing was wrong if this is not like him? Do you have a relative you could call? You do not need to give details but ask if they have heard from him?

+just+j+

Does he have an address??  Or do you have a trusted family member's address?  There is nothing wrong with certified US Mail. That way he has to sign for it, and you know he received it.

I would not share with your lawyer until it becomes a serious issue where he is repeatedly doing this. 

SimpleJane

Am I the only one that would want to know that nothing was wrong if this is not like him? Do you have a relative you could call? You do not need to give details but ask if they have heard from him?

If I remember correctly he lives with his mother and is pretty young. I was assuming that his mom would know if he were actually missing. Maybe I'm confusing posters though

KTdidit

SimpleJane said:

Littlejen22 said:

Am I the only one that would want to know that nothing was wrong if this is not like him? Do you have a relative you could call? You do not need to give details but ask if they have heard from him?

If I remember correctly he lives with his mother and is pretty young. I was assuming that his mom would know if he were actually missing. Maybe I'm confusing posters though

No, he lives with his gf and her kids. Even though he's never not called before, this doesn't surprise me. It fits in with the rest of his behavior. Their whole situation is a hot mess. As I said they don't have a phone so I'm sure no one has heard from him. Flame me if you will but I'm not concerned for his safety. If something happened I'm sure I'll hear about it eventually

Amanda88

Yes, send a fb message and then a letter certified with return receipt.

karatechrissy

Except, what if something happens when your child is with him??? How would you find out??? This would concern me. If he had no means of communication, I would be hard pressed to go to my lawyer and have something added to the CO that he needs a phone (home or cell, whatever) to communicate with you while the child is in his care. That's just absurd to me. 

As far as the not meeting him thing goes, I think technically, if you didn't, and he showed up, he could hold you in contempt for keeping the child away. I know that is not your intensions, I'm just saying he could if that happened. Doesn't sound like he is reliable so I wouldn't bet on it, but it could happen.

Ilumine

Oh hell no.  This would be the "straw" that broke the custody order's back.  

I would contact your lawyer about changing the Court ORder that he is required to provide you a working phone number that you can contact your child during his visitation or you do not have to hand the child over. 

Damn it, you have a right to call your child during he other parent's visitation (as long as it is not disruptive) and more importantly, you have a RIGHT and DUTY to be able to get in contact with your child in case of an emergency. 

What if YOUR the one running late because of traffic or a blown tire?  How are you supposed to let him know?  What if there is an even worse emergency?  How are you supposed to let him know?

HELL NO. 

Wahoo

I agree that you need to demand that he has a method of communication. If he is such a hot mess I would not want my child to be without access to emergency contact / emergency care! I'm not sure what your financial situation is, but even if you can provide DS with a pay-as-you go phone, or a phone on your plan that is restricted to your number and maybe another emergency contact.

KTdidit

karatechrissy said:

Except, what if something happens when your child is with him??? How would you find out??? This would concern me. 

 

This is something I have been struggling with as time goes on and he goes through more and more phones. Any time I bring it up he magically has a phone to use, and then soon enough it either doesn't work or he texts me with a new number.

 

Wahoo said:

...even if you can provide DS with a pay-as-you go phone, or a phone on your plan that is restricted to your number and maybe another emergency contact.

This is an idea that I have been fighting, but it is clear I now need to look into it.

Littlejen22

Do they still have kid phones that can only dial a few numbers? As long as you don't upgrade to a smart phone next year you are fine.

Gwenillian

I've read that one way to document you were at the meeting spot for pickup is to buy something small & keep the receipt for documentation of the date & time you were there.