Daycare weekend to weekday transitions (delino)

delino

This is my third week back to work. Overall it's going well. We have a routine and it works well. Last weekend she refused naps on saturday and then napped like a champ on Sunday. This weekend was the same thing. Last week she had an ok Monday, a bad Tuesday and then the rest of the week got better and better. Now it's Monday again and they said she was a little sad this morning, didn't finish her bottle and didn't take her early morning nap.

So it seems like she's finally getting settled at DC and then the weekend comes. Then she's settled in at home and Monday comes. I feel like her world is constantly changing and it's too much on her little 3 month old brain and it breaks my heart. FWIW I review her daily reports and try to keep her on a similar schedule at home. I'm guessing this is pretty normal. Did it get better for any of you? Anything else I should try?

jbranden12

No advice but it's hard over here too. We EBF on the weekends so she eats on and off all day in between naps and workouts (her therapies). Mondays are always hard when she has to go back to bottles and we work to keep her full but not overfed.

MickeyM04

Yeah, I felt this way too when we did DC (we have a nanny now).  It was like he spent all weekend getting used to being at home during the day, then spent the first couple days of the week at DC trying to get un-used to that and re-used to being at DC. 

It DOES get better as they get older.  They are still pretty primitive at 3 months but I felt like the older DS got, the more he understood the routine of 5 days at DC, 2 days a thome, or if he didn't necessarily "get it", he definitely was not as phased by it, and would continue to be OK at home on Saturday and then OK back at DC on Monday.  Even now, for example, our nanny can never get him down for a morning nap (which we think is because she brings her 3 y/o son and he and DS are BFFs and we think DS is too excited to nap when he's around), but on Saturday and Sunday he goes down for a morning nap for us no problem. 

The only suggestion is to try to either get DC to stick to your schedule, or stick to DC's schedule as much as possible.  We frequently tried to modify DS's schedule to match DC's so it was easier for him.  Since they were with him more, I didn't think it was fair to try to ask them to stick to what we were doing 2 days a week.  So on the weekends, I would feed him at the times he typically ate at daycare, try to get him down for naps at the same time, etc.  Then it was easier because even though he was in two different environments, he was still doing things at the same time, so it wasn't a shock to go from DC to home and back.  It's totally up to you, but I would try to stick to what DC does as much as possible even if what you do at home is identical to what you were doing 24/7 before she started daycare and it seems counterintuitive.  GL!!!

delino

I do try to stick to the DC schedule. Unfortunately she's not quite on a schedule yet. But i try to find a pattern based on how her day is going.

hopefulmom81

It sounds like you are doing just great, mama.

The thing is, it will always ebb and flow.  When you finally have a "pattern", you will hit the 4 month wakeful, when that settles down, you will hit teething, kwim? 

I think you are doing great.

LO is going to be just fine doing days at daycare and days at home with you.  I am guessing LOs just want to spend as much time with mom and dad as possible on the weekends so it shakes things up a bit, however, there is nothing bad about giving DD one more person that loves and cares for her.  Remember "it takes a village" and that we have a really odd system of work falling solely on the immediate family.  Children around the world are raised by a few loving providers.  I have noticed that DD is really "go with the flow" and I do attribute most of that to just her nature, but I also think a small part of it is being in daycare part time and having to cope with a little change.  You aren't throwing her into these super random situations, you are giving her to the same person with the same schedule.  

You are doing great!

hopefulmom81

hopefulmom81 said:

It sounds like you are doing just great, mama.

The thing is, it will always ebb and flow.  When you finally have a "pattern", you will hit the 4 month wakeful, when that settles down, you will hit teething, kwim? 

I think you are doing great.

LO is going to be just fine doing days at daycare and days at home with you.  I am guessing LOs just want to spend as much time with mom and dad as possible on the weekends so it shakes things up a bit, however, there is nothing bad about giving DD one more person that loves and cares for her.  Remember "it takes a village" and that we have a really odd system of work falling solely on the immediate family.  Children around the world are raised by a few loving providers.  I have noticed that DD is really "go with the flow" and I do attribute most of that to just her nature, but I also think a small part of it is being in daycare part time and having to cope with a little change.  You aren't throwing her into these super random situations, you are giving her to the same person with the same schedule.  

You are doing great!

Did I mention you are doing great?  Geeze, sorry for repeating myself

delino

Thanks hope. It's so hard when you question if you're doing right by your child.

Of course I got a call that she had a fever and had to pick her up. They said she wasn't eating and was crying a lot. I got her home and she didn't have a fever, ate a bottle and went to sleep. She doesn't normally not eat when she's there so I don't know what was wrong. Of course now I'm crying because I feel like I'm failing her by making her go to DC.

ct103

My little L doesn't go to DC (she's watched by either my DH or my mom while I'm at work). But there's still an adjustment period over the weekend. She generally naps like crap, but it's way worse on Saturday and Sunday because she's confused that mommy is home all day. Little babies don't understand the concept of weekends (nor would I expect them to), so it makes sense that they do this. I don't really have any advice, just know that you and little D aren't alone!

Teresa1896

Normal for us too. She would always get a case of the Mondays. . But I do too....nobody likes to disrupt a perfectly good weekend with a Monday! Of course your kiddo would always prefer to be with you, ya know? It's a good sign that she's comfortable enough at daycare to "miss it."

ct103

delino said:

Thanks hope. It's so hard when you question if you're doing right by your child.

Of course I got a call that she had a fever and had to pick her up. They said she wasn't eating and was crying a lot. I got her home and she didn't have a fever, ate a bottle and went to sleep. She doesn't normally not eat when she's there so I don't know what was wrong. Of course now I'm crying because I feel like I'm failing her by making her go to DC.

You are not failing her! Is it possibly that she's teething? Last Monday my LO had a low grade fever and was generally miserable. She was seeing a doctor anyway (thank god) and he ruled it out as teething; the #1 reason for them to run low grade fevers and refuse bottles at this age. I know I constantly have to remind myself that many times the reason for her fussing is internal and beyond my control. You're doing amazing, tomorrow is a new day

delino

ct103 said:

delino said:

Thanks hope. It's so hard when you question if you're doing right by your child.

Of course I got a call that she had a fever and had to pick her up. They said she wasn't eating and was crying a lot. I got her home and she didn't have a fever, ate a bottle and went to sleep. She doesn't normally not eat when she's there so I don't know what was wrong. Of course now I'm crying because I feel like I'm failing her by making her go to DC.

You are not failing her! Is it possibly that she's teething? Last Monday my LO had a low grade fever and was generally miserable. She was seeing a doctor anyway (thank god) and he ruled it out as teething; the #1 reason for them to run low grade fevers and refuse bottles at this age. I know I constantly have to remind myself that many times the reason for her fussing is internal and beyond my control. You're doing amazing, tomorrow is a new day

Thanks I guess it's possible she's teething...anything is possible, right?

delino

dmalone1024 said:

You are not, NOT a failure! As workin moms we have to make hard decisions regarding care and sometimes DC is the answer. I struggle with it, too...

J had a hard time the first two weeks. She wouldn't eat, she fought the bottle, and basically fought herself asleep. Now (3.5 weeks later) she's taking about 8 oz. a day from them with no problems. She fights when she's off or having a rough day, but DC is very patient and cool with her. And we're only doing MWF daycare. She's with me EBF on T and T.

LO will get used to it. Give it time. And you're a WONDERFUL mommy!!!!

thanks. They're patient with her and give her lots of attention. Today just wasn't a good day I guess.

hopefulmom81

delino said:

Thanks hope. It's so hard when you question if you're doing right by your child. Of course I got a call that she had a fever and had to pick her up. They said she wasn't eating and was crying a lot. I got her home and she didn't have a fever, ate a bottle and went to sleep. She doesn't normally not eat when she's there so I don't know what was wrong. Of course now I'm crying because I feel like I'm failing her by making her go to DC.

((HUGS))

As a preface, I think that SAH v working is 100% a choice for each, individual family.  My point in writing this post is simply to help another working mom feel better about the decision, not to insult another choice or to say these positives are not present in the SAH situation.   I am treading lightly as to not cause a debate because I honestly believe there are merits and downfalls to both. 

That being said, my mom SAH for me and I work for DD.  SAH worked for my mom, working works for me.  In my opinion, I see a lot of benefits to a quality, loving DC.  You are teaching DD several things by having her be at daycare.  You are teaching her that she has love and support outside of just you and DH, you are teaching her to be flexible while still remaining in a safe schedule (5 days DC, nights and 2 days with you and DH), you are teaching her that mommy has interests outside of her (as an only child, I think the idea that I was my mom's whole world royally messed me up.  The pressure and guilt I felt all of the time was too much. That is not because she was SAH necessarily, but she didn't really do anything for herself ever.  Having a career inherently gives you another interest outside of your child), you are teaching her that mommy makes money too, you are teaching her that you will ALWAYS come pick her up if she needs you, you are socializing her, you are giving your life a balance and probably being even more patient and loving with her in the times that you are with her.

All of what you are teaching her aside, you are also making money to provide a good life for her, I would imagine.  

I am obviously biased as I think my PPA was a major contributing factor to me NEEDING to be at work for my sanity.  I also dropped down to work 4 days a week, so that extra day helps a lot.  If the full time daycare keeps bothering you beyond just the initial stage, is it possible you could find some flexibility within your schedule?

As for your DD, she could be teething, it could be a mild virus, she could have just gotten overheated.  You are absolutely not failing her in any way shape or form.  You are doing the opposite actually, you are sacrificing time with her to provide for her.  You are putting what you want to do aside and doing what is best for your family situation.  You still love her the same, snuggle her the same, and think about her the same.  I would say that is the opposite of failing.