Twins are so hard...

kellibelle0417

My sweet babies are 3 weeks old and I'm truly in love with them. I feel incredibly blessed. My parents leave on Sunday so I'll be on my own during the day starting next week while my husband is at work. I was left alone today for a couple of hours and had a minor breakdown (shed a few tears). How do you manage two crying babies at the same time? My heart just breaks when they scream. What are some of your tips and tricks? How do you set yourself up for a successful day?

meldoo2002

Wear one.  Seriously that was my saving grace.  When they were tiny I wore both in a Moby wrap.  As they got bigger I was able to wear one and carry the other or feed the other.  Sometimes one just has to cry but you do your best to tend to who needs you most (and that may change day to day or week to week).  Just do your best... these infant days are soon forgotten by you and them.  

MuseumMaven

Oh I have been there. It is so hard. For me, wearing the fussier baby helped. If I had the newborn days to do over I would get a wrap to wear both babies.

I was also able to get lots of help. Many of the grandmas at church were more than happy to come over and snuggle babies. Is there anyone who can come over to help you out and give you a break?

It will be ok and you will manage!

mamatotwins0812

Oh girl I so get it. I didn't have any help and DH went back to work immediately as he just started a new job the week I delivered, so I was alone a lot. It's hard, hard, hard but try to remember that these tough days will pass. Like museummaven said, if I could do it over again I'd wear both, but I always wore one also. The less fussy one would be in the swing or wherever he was happiest. I also swear that they somehow learn a rhythm and start giving you somewhat of a break. I started to feel like the one would get quiet when the other started up, almost to say "mom ill be good while you help my brother". They'd take turns lol. Stay strong- you can do this!!

ktjruss03

Your babies are beautiful!  I completely understand!  I was on my own from the get go since DH had zero time off of work   Thankfully my in-laws took my 3 y/o (hyper) DS every afternoon for the first week.  It is hard, and there is no way around it.  I try to make sure both babies have all major needs met and then if one is fussing I hold and rock until they calm down.  This week they both seem to be taking turns with the fussing, occasionally at the same time.  I live across the country from my entire family so that is hard.  My mom and grandma came out for 5 days and I didn't realize how much I appreciated having help! 

I was given a moby wrap but I cannot figure it out, not to mention it is super thick and HOT.  I am getting and Ergo this week now that the boys are big enough to go in it (I think) so I am going to start wearing whoever is fussy at the moment or just take turns having that one on one time with each boy.  I am so thankful this is my 2nd time around, I can't imagine having twins the first time.Hang in there, it will get easier!

kellibelle0417

Thank you everyone. It is nice to know there are others who understand. I appreciate the advice and tips. I was given a moby wrap and am working on figuring it out so I can wear one. What type of wrap works to wear both?

raraavis28

I'm pretty sure I had a similarly-titled post here when my twins were the same age.....it is so super hard, especially as a FTM! But it will get easier, I promise!!

Don't really have anything to add to PPs' great advice, besides to emphasize babywearing (never figured out how to wear two in the Moby, but wearing one made a big difference) and to get some helpers if possible....even just to have another adult to talk to while you're in Babyland all day.

Sending big hugs....like I said, it will get easier, and you will get your own system down in time (you will also get "immune" to the screaming, believe it or not...). Hang in there....you're doing a great job!!

Mthurm17

I'm glad you posted this! I'm almost 33 weeks and trying to wrap my head around how all of this will work (especially with my 3 1/2 year old DS). The advice you all offer is great!

nuttycoconut

The Moby is wonderful! Take a few minutes to watch a video on how to use it (YouTube) and practice as much as you can. It isn't hard at all and I still use it now! I don't know how to wear both though.

The NICU put my twins on a schedule that I still use now. They eat every 3 hours and take a nap after about an hour and a half- to two hours of awake time. When they were only a few weeks old they would only be awake 45 min to an hour and would sleep 2 hours. I counted on that break so much! I was just feed them, change them, snuggle for a few minutes, then swaddle them up tightly and put them in their cribs/pack and play. It got trickier around 3 months when they weren't napping as well and they had more awake time. 

I was on my own when they were 2 weeks old so I totally understand your concerns! Also, my DH works 16 hours a day so I basically had no help although sometimes he would take the 1am feeding so I could sleep a small stretch (even though I had to pump).

I mastered feeding both in boppies, tried to take them on a walk every day just to get out, and definitely used the swing whenever I needed to. I also started a "bedtime" routine super early that included bath time, soft music, pjs, etc. After a few weeks they started sleeping for a 6 hour stretch, which slowly lengthened to 8 hours, 10 hours and now finally at 7 months it's 12 hours. 

Good luck! Months 0-3 are incredibly tough but try to enjoy! I do miss those moments when they would fall asleep on me.

mrsmac08

I had a similar post the week my husband went back to work full time.  It's totally normal to feel that way and it does get easier. Preparing for and scheduling out my day and the babies' day helped.  A lot of it is trial and error (figuring out how feeding works best, when taking a nap yourself is best, best time to take a walk, give a bath, etc), and a lot of it is just accepting the fact that everything isn't going to be "perfect" at every moment and that's okay.  Babies cry and it's okay, it's the only way they can communicate! And I always tried to remind myself in those early days that my expectations weren't my babies expectations, they thought (and still think) I'm pretty fabulous even when I'm feeling like a total failure.

Make sure to take a little time for yourself too, take a shower, even if you plan to go right back in pj's. Also, the first week completely alone, I stayed home the whole time. The second week I decided to get out of the house, which helped a ton! I just thought, the worst that will happen is that they'll cry in the store and we'll leave.  They did great, and it definitely built my confidence. Getting out to Target or to grab a coffee a few times a week was a good little break. Good luck, it will get more manageable!

ceechie

Mine are 2mos and this post made me tear up! It's so hard! My baby B is having a really rough day, gassy and keeps spitting up. But at least A is taking a great nap in her crib. I was on the verge of tears when DH left for work.
I haven't worn both either, seems heavy, but I do throw one in a sling when I can't get her to relax. And a white noise maker helps a lot too. I just wish they'd take a binkie!!! They act like I'm trying to gag them...
I guess it's lucky they're cute. I also found that I like sitting in my glider in the quiet nursery by the window when it gets hard. It's peaceful and calms us. Find your place like that. Good luck to all of us! Haha

LotsaLattes

I mostly just thought about the next year (this summer!) and knew time would pass and I would get through it. And got out of the house often, as much as I could. Made the days go by, and I will say, this summer has definitely been a ton easier!

CaliCarly77

This thread made me tear up a little - but the responses all helped tremendously. 

Anyway, I just wanted to post this - oddly, its from the Anna Paquin is a skinny B thread - and I think its tops on my registry after reading this thread!!

https://www.weego.com/en/produkte/weego_twin.php

kari.sandall

Those first few months were a blur. At 4 months old I am starting to feel more like myself again. My advice is camp out on your couch during feedings. After feeding both, cuddle for a little then put them to bed. Mine still take good naps in between feeds. And really try to nap when they do to help you survive. Also, our swings are the best purchase we made. They have spent many days napping in them so I can take care of the other baby. Hang in there, it gets better.

meldoo2002

I used the Moby when they were small... until like 8-9lbs (born at 3lbs). and then an Ergo when they were bigger.

kellibelle0417

Thank you everyone! Your advice, support and reassurance is greatly appreciated. I had a much better day yesterday when I was alone with the twins. I know I'll figure out a routine. I haven't quite figured out a good feeding routine yet. I find it so much easier to feed one at a time so I'm trying to do one right after the other so they are somewhat on the same schedule. I'll definitely be taking each piece of advice given here. Thank you. To those going through the same thing right now... Good luck! We got this twin mommy thing!

cailinmeister

Did anyone say this?  If you're breastfeeding be sure and get a double pillow and pop them both on when they get fussy.  My boobs were my babysitters.  If not, then get them going on pacifiers!  Single moms can afford to go without them, but they are life savers with twins.  (If they won't take other ones, try avent soothies which have a different shape.)

Also, don't worry about the crying (yeah right, but you know what I mean).  My twins are super laid back for first children and I believe it's because they had to cry and learn to wait a bit more in the beginning.  They ended up developing skills for handling their own emotions earlier.

You are amazing!  If they are alive at the end of the day, you're doing a good job!!  

MTipler22

You WILL get through this period! I felt so overwhelmed during those first few months and actually 2 years later, some days I STILL feel overwhelmed! haha.  My first months home with the twins were a big blur and I felt like I lost myself in the process.  I didn't ask for help nearly enough and felt like DH and I were the only ones that could care for our babies.  I felt bad asking someone to babysit or help me out.  All I can say is... DONT LOSE YOURSELF!  Remember to take care of your needs too.  If your needs are met, you will be an overall better mommy to your darling twins.  I wish I would've figured that out sooner

macchiatto

That is such a tough time!
I personally had a hard time logistically with wearing them when they were that little but once they were big enough for the Ergo it went better. I wish I'd had a Baby K'tan instead of a Moby, but they weren't out yet then!
Anyhow, know that you are not alone and that you WILL get through this! Now mine are sassy, spirited, fun, affectionate 4-year-olds and even though there were times one baby had to cry while I took care of his brother, they are very happy and loving little guys now, and I'm glad for them that they have each other!

carrotcake06

Right in the thick of it with you. I'm brutally exhausted and barely making it. Most days are spent trying to get someone, myself included, to stop crying. Some days are better than others.

Sunglow28

My boys are ten months now and I never thoughts I'd say this, but it is getting a little easier! When I think back, each month got a little better, and now they are napping better, playing together and learning everyday. Hang in!

kellibelle0417

Great advice. Thank you everyone! This weekend has been great with my husband not working and tons of family around. Tomorrow starts my first full day of being alone with the twins while my husband is at work. (My parents left town today). I do have friends coming by at various times this week. Wish me luck!!

elizabeth0705

As another Bumpie told me, the babies will switch off being fussy. My son used to be the fussy one, and I felt so guilty because I felt like I picked him up more than my daughter. However, now the tables have turned and my daughter is the fussier one (and I still feel guilty!). Just remember they will each have their turn being the more needy one, and just take it as it comes. You are doing a good job!

elizabeth0705

And yes, it definitely gets easier. Things got SO much easier once the babies started sitting up on their own. Also, once the feedings go faster, and the sleeping/napping schedule is more set, the days start to seem way more manageable. 

twobytwomom

You are not alone mama! The first few weeks (months!) are hard! I've been there. Twice! And I will tell you, it gets SO much better. Both of my sets were always good during the day...but when the "witching hour" hit....O.M.G. Try wearing one! I really liked the moby and now I love the ergo. No matter what, just remember....you are not alone; they will not remember if they had to cry for a little bit; this too shall pass. You've got this! Do your best, and before you know it these days will be a memory. 

JenniferF11

I wrote a very similar post last week so I hear ya! Some days feel like I'm totally failing and other days I feel like I could conquer the twin mommy world haha. I just keep telling myself things are going to get easier and think about the future milestones to get me through the really rough days. I love my ktan carrier and also my RNP and swing. Plus A LOT of help. I had a saint mothers helper right after my girls were born who came three days a week for a few hours to help me. I highly recommend having someone to help you like that just so you can have an hour to yourself to shower or take an uninterrupted nap!

kellibelle0417

Thank you all! Today was a good day. I am working on a rhythm. I'm sure I will get there.

lynn0926

You will get into your rhythm for sure.  At 3 weeks, you are in a growth spurt, so they will be fussier.  Next one is at 6 weeks.  Try getting out of the house with them too.  That helped me.  Even a simple trip to Target.  Places like Target always having crying babies, so no worries if they get worked up.  I wore them like PP.  I would rock both in the RNPs with both hands or both feet. I would hold one while bouncing the other in the bouncy with my foot.  You will get frustrated and you will cry.  That is perfectly normal.  You are in survival mode right now.

kggmrgajgcag

I am terrified reading these posts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I will have four under four!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gracelusaka

I loved this post so helpful,thanks ,am 17 weeks  

daisy19782011

This was a great post! Thanks! I'm 25 weeks and getting nervous

caden

I ditto everyone in this post but i just wanted to add 2 more tips: 2 swings (assuming your babies like them. Mine did after they were maybe a month old and they worked so great I napped them there until they were 6M old) and try turning on some music when they get fussy. I didn't get that tip til my kids were a little older, like 6M, so I'm not sure how it works on newborns, but it definitely helped me. I got a bunch of baby einstein music CDs, mostly classical stuff. That frequently quieted them down, probably b/c they were thinking WhereTF is that noise coming from? My kids are 3 and I still bust out CDs when they get cranky.

You are in the worst of it now, so just remember that it will only get better. That probably doesn't help you get through today, but just know everyone goes through this so you're not alone. You're not doing anything that will cause them harm. They will not remember crying and being left unattended for a little while b/c you were busy with your other baby. And before you know it you'll be at the stage where your kids cry and you respond with, "Oh knock it off." lol.

BabyCarryingVessel

Oh this is such a tough time! You are doing great, and you will find things that work for you. I don't really have great advice because I cried A LOT during those first two months. Get your phone, the remote, your water cup and some snacks, and settle into the couch for a long feeding/snuggle/sleeping session. I also dreaded having to be alone, but I think it started getting easier around 10 weeks. You got this, mama!

kellibelle0417

Thanks everyone! Things have gotten so much better since I originally posted this. They are now 7.5 weeks new! We are getting the hang of things. Nursing is so much easier and I'm not getting so upset now when one cries. I think it'll only get easier as they get bigger! Thanks again!