Sleep training :( (Rusalka)

adoxyinherear

So DD had her 12 month check up today and our new pediatrician, who is not looney tunes like our old pediatrician, was super cool about talking with me about DD's sleeping. She's still up two or three times a night to eat, and I know she doesn't need to but I am just such a wimp and so worried that letting her cry is going against my instincts for a reason. But she knows how to put herself asleep - we lay her down for the night awake, and she puts herself to sleep - so I think she's just waking because she can, and she knows I'll come in.

Guess I'll be breaking out the No-Cry Sleep Solution, because I'm sure I don't have the guts for anything else. I just wish DH would night wean her while I'm away for a week! It would be his gift to me for a year of getting up all night.

Is there any hope, mamas?

JulyMomma2U2

I would SOOO lay on the guilt trip and get DH to agree to wean her!!! And, maybe she will wean herself if your away and DH takes a bottle to her instead of he boob?? Either way, I'm sorry you're still having sleep issues!!

adoxyinherear

esd said:

I was right there with you mama! I will say that DS wasn't fully weaned until 14 months. He was still nursing before bed but was STTN. For MOTN feedings, I just picked him up and snuggled him until he settled down. It takes a toll I know but you can do it!

I'd like to keep nursing, just, not in the MOTN Sigh. This is so hard.

orangegoggles

:::hugs::: I feel your pain. We had lots of problems with this. Waking every hour or every hour and a half. As much as I didn't want to sleep train, I'm do glad we did. It was the best choice for our family. I also did a modified version of Ferber...but changed it a bit to make it work with my comfort level and DS personality. We all feel happier, well rested, and DS has learned to sleep better within 2-3 days. Best of luck wih whatever you decide to do...for me it ended up being a lot easier than I thought.

melly918

Although my DD does STTN most nights, my issue was getting her to fall asleep at the start of the night.  We used Ferber a few months ago and it worked until she had some regression due to travel and I never tried Ferber again until two nights ago.  I can say the first night is the hardest and it does get easier with consistency.  On the nights she would wake up in the middle of the night, I would wait a few minutes in hopes she was just coming out of a sleep cycle.  If she continued to complain, I would go and turn on her crib music soother.  Most of the time, she went right back to sleep.  Try to avoid picking her up and nursing her.  HTH!!

MickeyM04

My suggestion would be to have DH go in there when she wakes up and not feed her.  She may get the hint after awhile and stop waking up because there's really no point.  When I wanted to curb DS's night feeds we just sent DH in there during one of the wake ups to rock him and put him back down (not crying or anything like that), and then after about a week he stopped waking up at that time because he stopped expecting to eat at that time.  You can do that for one feed at a time until you get rid of all of them. 

CIO may not be that bad though.  I think you only start letting them cry for like 5 minute increments, so that's doable I think maybe?  At least it's not letting them cry for like 4 hours until they stop.  Just an idea.

I think you have to decide what's right for you guys.  If getting up during the night doesn't bother you, and if she seems happy and contented when she's awake (i.e. not overtired), then there's really no harm I guess in keeping up the middle of the night wake ups.  If, however, you are starting to get frustrated/overtired/upset OR if she seems to be overtired during the day, it might be better for you to do something to nip it in the bud. 

I am not a CIO advocate or anything (we never did it; DS basically just started STTN on his own), but if it comes to that, it will hurt in the short run but be better in the long run.  I think of it that way when DS has a temper tantrum because we won't let him eat an entire bag of yogis in one sitting.  I can listen to him have a tantrum and be super upset but then have him learn that he's not going to get what he wants every time he asks for it, or I can give in every single time and he will be a brat who knows that if he has a tantrum, I will give him something.  I'd rather have the 10 minute tantrum than a kid that is self-entitled and throws tantrums all the time to get what he wants for the next however many years, you know? 

Just my thoughts.  Like I said, if it's not bothering anyone in your house, don't worry about STTN.  It's not a big deal.  Plenty of kids get up during the night, at all ages.

adoxyinherear

Thank you so much for your help, ladies. When you say you used a modified Ferber, what do you mean? Did you go in more often (because I fear I would, and screw it up).

ct103

I'm not a sleep expert and I have far less experience than you, but I'm curious if you are able to soothe her back to sleep (or at least back to being relaxed) without nursing? Does she have any other comforts that you could fall back on instead of nursing? I like the idea of sending DH in there because he's still comforting, but it breaks the cycle of nursing. What about a music box or pacifier? Forgive me if you've already tried these, I'm just throwing out ideas!

orangegoggles

RusalkaSings said:

Thank you so much for your help, ladies. When you say you used a modified Ferber, what do you mean? Did you go in more often (because I fear I would, and screw it up).

We shortened the time intervals between crying. I also gave him his paci and patted his back for about a minute before leaving again. I know both of those things are considered "sleep props" but it seemed to work just fine for us.

adoxyinherear

ct103 said:

I'm not a sleep expert and I have far less experience than you, but I'm curious if you are able to soothe her back to sleep (or at least back to being relaxed) without nursing? Does she have any other comforts that you could fall back on instead of nursing? I like the idea of sending DH in there because he's still comforting, but it breaks the cycle of nursing. What about a music box or pacifier? Forgive me if you've already tried these, I'm just throwing out ideas!

So far, we haven't had any luck. DH goes in there and she just has a complete meltdown, and he often has to give her a bottle and still she fights going back to sleep. This is seriously just the hardest, most ridiculous thing. Every time I try I just give up and resign myself to no sleep until she's 5.

Tonight is not going well.

melly918

Hang in there.  The first night is always the hardest.  The first night, DD cried for two hours even when we checked on her at regular intervals. Three nights later, she's out like a light a minute after I put her down but I think it was a fluke since she refused to nap more than a half hour this afternoon.  Be patient and be consistent with whatever you decide to do. It will take a few days to hopefully no more than a week for you to start seeing results. 

Junebug060609

Hopefully DH can night wean her while you are gone.  If you go in, she'll expect a boob.  If he does, she knows better. 

FWIW though, my DS was still up once a night for milk (nursing until 11m, bottle until ~13m) until he was a little over a year.  I gradually reduced the amount of milk he was getting in a bottle (on the boob you could limit time instead) and then just gave him snuggles and rocking after that.  The night wakings stopped soon after. 

adoxyinherear

Junebug060609 said:

Hopefully DH can night wean her while you are gone.  If you go in, she'll expect a boob.  If he does, she knows better. 

FWIW though, my DS was still up once a night for milk (nursing until 11m, bottle until ~13m) until he was a little over a year.  I gradually reduced the amount of milk he was getting in a bottle (on the boob you could limit time instead) and then just gave him snuggles and rocking after that.  The night wakings stopped soon after. 

Thank you so much for sharing your experience.

SandiaPinaMama

Check out sleep lady shuffle and Dr jay Gordon. I kinda meshed these together to night ween DS at 10 months. I ended up holding him while he cried for a few minutes. The message was, I'll come when you cry, but the diner is closed.

adoxyinherear

watermelon mom said:

Check out sleep lady shuffle and Dr jay Gordon. I kinda meshed these together to night ween DS at 10 months. I ended up holding him while he cried for a few minutes. The message was, I'll come when you cry, but the diner is closed.

I'll check it out! So far she just gets more and more angry when she isn't offered something. DH gave her a little cup of milk tonight.