HELP!! I NEED TO DECIDE IF I SHOULD BE A SAHM OR CONTINUE WORKING!!!

saraepayne

Hello Ladies -

Any insight on this issue is welcomed!

We are preparing for our first child in January. I've always been 100% focused on obtaining status in my career and swore I'd never be a SAHM.Now I feel like I may be eating my words!  Even though the baby isn't here yet, I can't fathom the thought of someone else caring for it up to 12 hours a day, which is what it would be with my husband and I having busy careers. We can afford for me to stay home, but I'm terrified of how long it will take me to get back into the workforce after being gone, since I work in Human Resources and laws/policies change constantly. I love the idea of my little one being socialized and independent, but I'm just so confused and would like to hear someone elses' thoughts on the subject of working vs being a sahm. I'd love to hear from someone that has left a an awesome career, how did you maintain your professional growth while out of the workforce? How were you able to rejoin the workforce after? Does anyone regretting leaving their career to be a SAHM!? Everyone's comments are welcome! :O)

dh79

I went back to work after DD was born.  We had looked into me staying home, but ultimately decided the best thing was for me to return to work.  I was totally okay with it, as I really loved my job and had family caring for DD during the day.  I worked for 5 months and then my husband got a new job that required moving 100 miles north.  So I quit my job and we moved.  I have been staying home for about 5 months now and with our second child arriving in March 2014 I have no immediate plans to go back to work.

There really are pros and cons either way.  I loved my job and would have been sad to quit (moving forced my hand and made that decision easy).  I missed my daughter a lot during the work day, but also recognized that my work made me happy and having happy parents was also very important.  Now I SAH I love that too.  I feel very blessed to get to spend so much time with DD.  I do miss the intellectual challenge of my job, but have been good about finding other moms in the area so at least I have adult time in my life too.

I agree with the previous poster about returning to work and then making your decision.  When you come back from maternity leave I think you will know quickly which option is right for you.  SAH vs. working mom, I really think either is fine as long as you find a daycare you like/trust.  

T+Schultz4

I am having my second in 3 weeks. My boys will be 18 months apart. I have pursued my career and even made advancements. You just need to shift the hours differently. For example, I get ready before baby wakes. Then I hang out in morning with him. I leave work by 5 everyday so that I can spend time with him before bed at 7. Then I do some work after hubby and I eat dinner. I also work from home 1-2 days a week. You can make it work. You just might need to do some trial and error and see how it goes.

ajdmama

I'm a young attorney- I started practicing right after I graduated at 24, had LO1 at 25 then decided I'd rather stay at home. Most of my colleagues, the partners at my firm and my Mother thought I was making a huge mistake but I'm not interested in the money or experience if it means I have to miss spending time with my babies. LO2 is due in March, so my kids will be 20 months apart. I plan on going back to work when the youngest starts preschool and they don't "need" me during the day. While I've been home for the last year, I've had my moments where I'm sure I threw my career away, but I'm confident that when the time comes there will be the right opportunity. In the meantime, I stay involved in my field- I do volunteer work, stay active in networking events, occasionally write drafts for small projects or cases (when I have the time). I think it's important to keep your foot in the door. Ultimately, it's about what works best for you and your family. Best of luck!

StayingSecret

Don't blame ya.

I went down to part-time when LO#1 was born. It was a great compromise for me.

But I'm also guessing you meant to post this on a different board since this is the Two Under Two board.

ebp913

Since you sound so unsure, I would go back to work for a couple months and see how it goes.  It's a lot easier to go back, decide it isn't for you and then stay home than the to quit, not like being a SAHM and then have to get back in to a new job.  You may find that some time away from home is what you need. 

I work FT and I think in the next couple years I want to scale back.  However I really do like getting out of the house and interacting with adults.  I always assumed that I would want to stay at home because my mom did and all my friend's parents did when I was a kid.  Then maternity leave hit and I was like holy cow, I am not into this.  It's easier for me to imagine staying at home now that my oldest can really play and go do activities but until about 1 year or even 18 months, there wasn't a ton for me to do with her where we live and staying at home would have been kind of isolating.  I personally would also rather be at home more as my kids get older when they will remember.  

Arielle27

Is there anyway you could continue to work in your field without losing too much credit/status but cutting down the number of hours you work? In any case, you will probably need to decide after you've had some time at home with your LO. You may feel much more strongly one way or the other after you've had a taste of both worlds.

Before my first was born, I had also started thinking that the career I had been building wouldn't compare to being home with my baby. While on the one hand, of course nothing compares to my love for my children, it turns out I also love my career and really love the balance that having a career and time with my children provides. With my first I was lucky enough to be able to afford 6 months full maternity, then I returned to work with my hours cut slightly so I had time for both parts of my world.

When number two arrived (only 16 months after number 1), the cost of childcare made the decision much more difficult. Like you, I was terrified that if I submitted to being a SAHM, I'd never get back into my career... So I dove into work in my field, despite a bad commute and bad pay (we had moved while I was pregnant, so I couldn't continue at the comfortable job I had had after my son was born). I basically killed myself to make ends meet (financially, emotionally, etc.) for 5 months before realizing how stupid I was being. I then quit... and we got pregnant again.

We always wanted our kids close together and wanted three. Even though I love my work and honestly feel more fulfilled/balanced/happier when I can work part-time (or full-time, but with no commute), it doesn't make sense for our family for me to be working anymore.

Number 3 is due in September and I plan to be SAHM for about a year. When this one goes into daycare, I'll return to my career as best as I can!

However, I think my point is that I could not have made this decision before my children were born! I think it is very difficult to plan this type of thing... as much as you'd like to be prepared for it.

Good luck!

Brissett

I am work in HR and I love my career. I was able to hire an Aupair to take care of DS while I am at work. This works out really well for our family and made my transit it back to work very easy. I think it would have been much harder if we tried daycare. I love being a mom but, after 3 months of maternity leave I missed my professional life.

Mommy2CB

I SAH to 2 little boys and love every minute of it. I couldn't wait to leave my job! However, I worked to pay the bills. I did not have a career I loved. Thankfully my husband earns enough for us to live comfortably and wanted me to stay home as much as I did!

I would wait to see how you feel after your baby is born, and what others have suggested maybe try working part time! GL

Divallyn

Working provides a balance and fulfillment that staying home did not for me. I am a much better mother as I love every minute and am completely tuned in during the time we have together. I stayed home till LO was 12mths. However, he is only is daycare 8 hours ... Even at this age I can't imagine him being there for 12 hours a day. Are you able to go back to better hours?

saraepayne

Thanks ladies!!!! Yes I definitely posted in the wrong area but thank you for all of your feedback! I will let everyone know what happens in January!!! :-)