NWMR: Separate trips - is this weird?

honeybee111

DH and I took DD(3.5) and DS(2.5 months) on a week long trip to visit my parents, introduce DS to my extended family, etc.  We also fit in a short 3 day road trip with my parents.  Everyone had a lot of fun, but it was kind of hard doing a road trip with an infant.  We had to stop frequently, DS is not the best traveler, so there were periods where he would scream in the car.  DH and I decided we would maybe take a break from road trips until DS was a little older.  My inlaws just announced that they are doing a 5 day road trip, and invited us to go.  DH and I think DH and DD could go on the road trip without me and DS.  My inlaws are kind of offended because I'm not going on the trip.  DH explained to them that we found out DS is not great in the car for long periods.  Plus, inlaws are horrible planners, and I can't imagine spending 5 days with them with no plans and waiting until the last minute for everything on top of taking care of an infant.  DD is much more flexible, plus even if she is tired and throws a fit because no one thought to think about dinner, at least I won't be there to have to deal with it.  My inlaws are just baffled that why would we not all go on this trip as a whole family?  Now that I think of it, when I was growing up, my parents always took my siblings and me everywhere together.  We never had separate trips where one kid stayed home, and the other one got to go on vacation.  Does anyone else think this is weird?

mexicolombiana

No it's not weird.  Going on a road trip with a 3 month old sounds stupid.  I get that they are planning a family trip, but if it isn't going to work for you and the baby, just tell them and send your DH and DD!

How many hours of driving are we talking?  Personally, I would go but avoid doing some of the family activities if you don't want to do them or if they're not possible with a baby.  Or just take a really good stroller and/or carrier and go, and when you get tired just rest and tell people that you're tired and there is too much activity for you and the baby. 

I guess really it would be depend on where you were going, where you were staying, and how much driving you were talking. 

Good luck! We never had separate trips either but who cares? If you really don't want to go, tell the in-laws that the baby is too small for a road trip but you'll be happy to go next year!

RachieTK

To me, what your describing isn't the same as one parent option to stay home with a child who could go on the vacation, so I don't think it is at all strange. If your kids were older I might find it odd that half the family stayed home from a family trip.

itsmevkb

It's not odd to me at all.  Right now my husband and all four kids are at a rented lake house with my in-laws while I'm at home.  Last summer my husband and the oldest two kids went to Texas with his parents and I stayed home pregnant with Maren and taking care of Sully.  I'm sure there have been other times too when one of us took some or all of the kids with the other one staying home.  For us sometimes it just has to do with being able to get off from work (four maternity leaves in six years has a way of draining even the best vacation stockpile) and other times it's a matter of the trip not being a great fit for some of the kids.  When my in-laws suggested the trip to Texas my first response was no way am I taking a one year old who screams every second in the car on a plane because what if he's the same way.  I don't think they really thought it was odd, more I think they were worried I'd feel left out if I didn't join them.

mittensonkittens

Would it be possible for you and baby to fly and meet them at their destination?

ccam

A 5 day road trip with a 3 month old does not sound like a vacation to me!  You staying home does not sound weird at all!!

litzo27

I just took my 5 year old with some family on a short trip to Disneyland. DH stayed home with the 2 year old for a number of reasons. While we usually take vacations together for that one just made sense to separate. Worked very well.

financialdiva

Not weird at all! I think some people forget what it's like to have young kids honestly.

I thought about doing the opposite earlier this year. I was going to take the baby on a trip for my cousins baby shower and DS1 was going to stay home with DH. I was still nursing, he would fly for free and it would have been such a short trip, I would have hated messing up DS1's schedule and routine for such a quick world wind trip, where the baby would have slept through most of it because he was so young.

I caught so much slack from it and everyone even started offering to pay for DS1's ticket (which wasn't the main issue). I ended up not going for various other reasons. But I really think some people just don't get it.

I would stick to what you are doing. I wouldn't want my oldest or my DH to miss an opportunity like this.

EastCoastBride

I roll my eyes at the "offended" part.  If I were DH, I'd be like "Well, we're offended that you aren't taking our needs and concerns into account". 

Anyhow- no, I wouldn't want to do a road trip w/ an infant.  If they don't understand that, then o h well, that's on them.  My ILs are kind of in the dark when it comes to what we have to do because of DS.  We let it roll off our backs.  We do what we need to do and they can either keep up or not.  We don't care and we don't get too caught up in their feelings on the issue.

QueSrah

How in the world can a road trip with an infant be fun?  Wouldn't you have to stop every two or three hours (most likely in awkward places) to feed, diaper, or otherwise soothe?  It's not like some of that stuff is easy to do while the car is moving.

What did your ILs think of the frequent stops on the last road trip with all of you?  Were they ok with the interruptions (and possibly missed altogether how stressful you found it)?  Or are they willfully ignoring the inconvenience they felt the last time?

jlaOK

I don't think it's weird at all.  I'm new to the more than one kids gig but DH's and I's new motto is "divide and conquer."