Am I Overreacting?

jadwedd

OK you all know how I feel about my MIL.  She is an evil witch.  So I want to know from impartial people if I am overreacting.  She came over the other day to see us before we moved to a hotel in South Jersey because the baby has to be born at CHOP so they can do open heart on her right after she is born.  Fine, I hate her in the house because she always finds things to pick on in my "shack" but that is another story and it worked out because dh cleaned so that's good.  Anyway, she stands there and tells me that she bought a lot of clothes for the baby but she returned them because Steve said she already had a lot of clothes (which he did, because she does, from work and my students.  But what dh said was that she had a lot of clothes in certain sizes so if anyone asks other sizes would be better and she got mad because she wanted to give the baby clothes and who would give me clothes anyway?)  And I do not care if she returned them, but why tell me that she did/  My neice then emailed me and told me that she was with her when she returned them because she said that no one appreciates her and she wanted us to feel guilty.  Seriously?  My baby needs open heart surgery when she is 2 days old and I am supposed to give a shot about clothes?  Anyway, then she told us that she would buy the baby a mattress in a month if we wanted.  What? Why wait a month?  We said no thank you, someone gave us one that they only used once or twice and we already set it up.  Hello!  I had to set up the nursery early.

So now the bad part of my brain is starting to think that she just doesn't want to buy the baby things if she doesn't survive so she is waiting to see how the surgery goes.  Which is evil, but totally believable with this one. 

So my plan is to tell her that I got her a great birthday present but I thought about all the stuff that she already had and returned it.  I also told dh that he had to keep her away from me after the baby is born because she will stress me out and make my milk go sour.

He does try to keep her away from me, but he is such a nice guy he won't like cut her out of his life.  He has told her off, a lot recently, because she yelled at him for not asking her to go to CHOP for the consultations and stuff and he lost it.  But he won't cut her off and she just keeps coming back.

PrettyAccountant

Sweetie - you have enough going on in your life right now and you don't need her crap. I know it is hard but just try to ignore her and cut her off at every point you can. When she opens her foul mouth just say something to stop her in her tracks. You and your LO is the most important thing right now - remember that!
She sounds like a flipping drama queen that needs to get a grip on life. Maybe even try laughing right at her, to her face and tell her she is reduculous. It might even make you feel better.
Sorry you have to deal with this.

PurpleIris30

Sounds like she's trying to get a reaction out of you, so I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. Ignore, ignore, ignore and focus on your LO right now. Sorry you have to deal with this.

74dragonfly

I'd just ignore her. I would not say that thing about the birthday gift. Don't engage in that. Just focus on your sweet baby on its way.

luvboston

I have a similar mother in law who I call satan and I just ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist. If you use this tactic she can't do anything if she is never getting a reaction

oO Angie Oo

I'm so sorry you're going through this. This is the last thing you need to worry about. I don't think she is not buying things to see if the baby survives. She would seriously have to be evil if that was the case. Shake it off and focus on what's important: that you are finally having a beautiful baby girl. Lifting her little body and heart up in prayer for her surgery. I know you'll be busy but keep us updated!!

Citygirl1015

I agree with PP's, don't give her the reaction she's trying to get. It sounds like she's trying to bring you down to her level of mean spiritedness and selfishness. Unfortunately she will probably always see the world a bit skewed no matter what you say to her. That's her cross to bear and not your's though. I would focus on that sweet baby girl and bringing her home, and leave all this petty drama behind you.

BzeetyD

In situations like this I always try to look for someone's real, honest emotional motivation, not what is perceived.

Maybe she's trying to show you that she cares, and that she too is worried about your LO and she doesn't know the appropriate way to do it or how to truly be helpful to you.

If you have a rocky relationship anyways, maybe she's been trying to make some in roads but isn't getting much feedback or feels like she's doing it all wrong.  When your DH said what he said about the clothes, perhaps she took it to mean "The baby already has a lot of clothes" and she felt like she made a misstep.

Perhaps she doesn't know when (not if) your LO is expected to be home from the hospital or if you're using your crib right away.

Some people aren't good listeners and some people need for even critical moments to be about them. Maybe she's needing some validation or acknowledgement from one of you for some reason.