Need Advice...

NavyWifeTrivette

So my STBXH keeps texting my mom asking if I have made a decision yet on if he can come see the baby once he is born or not. As I am getting very close and could pop any time, I need to make a decision. I honestly don't know what to do though. I want him to see his son. I want him to see what he walked out on and what he will be missing out on. I want to see if he will really even show up and make the effort. However, because I have the restraining order against him, he can't be around me. So my question is, how can I work this out? I don't want to leave my babies side as soon as he is born. Even though I know he would be safe with my mom and other family members during the visit, I still don't want to leave my baby. But I know I cant be around him with the restraining order because if I do that could could jeopardize my chances in the custody hearing. I really don't know what the best way to handle this is, and neither does my mom. My mom agrees with me that he should be able to come see his son, we just don't know the best way to go about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Gamera3000

I'd tell him he was welcome a few hours after you have the baby so you can have uninterrupted bonding time. Then your mom can be there while he meets the baby and you can resume new baby time after he's had a couple hours.

EarthandFire

This would be a hard decision for me. I am very pro-father's rights as I have seen women take advantage of men using laws predominantly geared towards mothers in custody. Ultimately gender does not determine if someone is a poor parent nor does being a poor husband/BF/GF/wife mean someone will be a poor parent. You haven't mentioned why you have a restraining order in this post. I think that plays a big part in your decision. If he's dangerous to your son or might try to take him I would wait for the CO if it were me. If you don't plan on being with DS immediately after the birth while they bathe and weigh him that may be the best time to allow him time with DS. Grandma can supervise, there is a great deal of staff around, XH will feel that you've given a certain consensus to him. With my last I was restricted to the bed on a monitor during this time. It may be time you're not really losing with DS. This time I plan to put my foot down (if I can) and accompany baby with dad. You'll want to ask your Dr. To me at the hospital would seem like the best place with someone who you have a restraining order against. Plenty of surveillance, personnel and security. Things you won't have at home. I don't know much about restraining orders but if you have a lawyer I would consult him/her. The most important question I think is should he get this time? You're the only one who can judge that. Will this be important bonding time between him and your boy? Will it help bind him to provide and protect for your DS? LO won't remember this time but your STBXH will. It may be worth having your mother negotiate somethings with him for this time. It sounds like you want XH to be a strong part of DS's life. I would give him the time at the hospital, not at home for now. If not while doing weight and measure then in the afternoon during your nap. If you want him out of your lives unless he's willing to step up and fight then I'd wait. You dear have a lot on your plate. Good luck.

NavyWifeTrivette

Thank you so much for the advice! Yes I do want him to see his son, I know that for a fact. The restraining order is because shortly after I left him, he called me and threatened to come here and kill my family. He never once threatened me directly, and I really don't think he would hurt our baby. However, that is a risk I am not willing to take. I am still open to him seeing his son, as long as it is well supervised. I agree that the hospital seems like the best place because of all the added security, but I plan on having skin to skin right away. My son will be staying in room with me, and I feel like I personally will not want him to leave my side even for a minute. That is my biggest dilemma right now. I want him to see him, but I don't want to leave my son. I wouldn't mind being there when he sees him, that doesn't bother me at all because I don't think he would do anything to hurt me. However, because I already have the restraining order, I don't want to back out of that because I am filing for sole custody with supervised visits and if I drop the restraining order I am afraid the courts will think he is no longer a threat and give him joint custody. As of right now, my mom and I are thinking it is best to wait and see what the court says, because I requested a temporary ruling on custody and visitation until the actual divorce and custody goes to court. They should have a temporary ruling before my son is born. However, if they do not have a decision in time, then we will reevaluate and figure something else out for the meantime. I don't know if that is really the best way, but it was really the only thing we could think of for now.

babymama619

No f-ing way I'd let him near the baby, and I'm not normally like that. I'd send him done pictures do he know what he is missing and that's that. I'd contact whomever you need to to set up a supervised visitation where you are present.