Asking for to much?

Nursewillow

Hi Moms and Moms to be. I am 44 and have a 6 month old bee-oooo-tiful baby boy. After all the tests, scans, sonograms, etc. he came along perfectly healthy. A true blessing. My hearts desire is to give him a sibling. All the people who were so supportive of my having Max are now saying NAY to another. Say I'm tempting fate and being selfish to risk it. I feel so down. Even Dad is starting to buy into this theory. I cry every time my cycle starts and find myself resenting Dad for not being more "active" in trying to conceive. It is damaging our relationship. Am I greedy? Should I ignore this overwhelming longing to add another child to our family? I never pictured my son alone. In my mind there were always two babies giggling, playing. Advice?

samiaf

I don't think your selfish.  I was  an only child and I always wanted a  brother or sister.  Maybe you should talk to hubby about your feelings and see if he will share his.  

Nursewillow

I should. I'm depressed and closing him out. I know this is my silly pride. Sigh! I feel vulnerable talking to him about it because its such a visceral primal desire. I guess I know I could have it, he'd never deny me, but it doesn't mean he truly wants to. If I was younger I'd never think of going ahead without him fully on-board. But at 44...?

happywifemomofone

Hi-I am also 44yo, and PG with my second son (my first will be 21 yo when this LO is born).  I always imagined 3 children in my family, and never intended to raise my son as a lonely only.  We tried for 3+ years to get PG-without success-GETTING PG was the hardest part of this whole journey for us.  Anyways, d/t your age.....this could likely be an issue for you too.  If you get pg there is a possibility that you could experience multiple m/c-it's not an easy journey, and the older you are the harder this can be (sorry, this isn't painting a rosy-supportive picture for you-but for many women this becomes our REALITY after 40).  People sometimes get pg with a healthy baby in their 40's, but often this does not happen multiple times.  I would talk to your husband and find out what his issue is with TTC #2, is he afraid of having a handicap child with Down's or a Trisomy?  How would this effect your current family life and what effect would it have on your current child?  Is he afraid of the risk of multiple m/c?....or how this might effect you are your relationship?  Is he afraid of the financial cost that TTC another child could take on your finances if you need to use ART?  There are things that you can do to address each of these concerns-on different levels if you desire.  You can assure a child without genetic abnormalities by 1st trimester screening tests/or PGS/PGD if doing IVF.  You can use DE of a younger woman, or donor embryos, to possibly prevent multiple m/c R/T genetic defects.  Finances can be a HUGE concern if you need to use ART, open dialogue is the key to being on the same page.  GL......hope that you can find a solution to creating the family you desire with  both you and your husband on the same page and moving forward together.

gladygirlca

You may also want to talk to your OB.  If you're feeling really down and/or overwhelmed by these things, you may want to have your OB's help in watching for PPD as well as discuss conceiving a second child.  Talking to your husband and your OB may help center you again as well as help you weigh the reality of your situation in a supportive way.