Finally grieving having a c section

Brb13

Hi all-
I'm 7 weeks pp with a beautiful and healthy son and for that I'm so grateful. But I think I'm finally starting to grieve the fact that I didn't get the natural/vaginal birth I wanted. When I think about his birth I'm so sad about it.
I went in to be induced and everything was going great and I made it to 10cm with the minimum amount of pitocin and hypnobirthing. I was feeling awesome. I labored without any intervention (besides level 3 pitocin) for 22 hours before we made the decision to have a c-section as he wasn't engaging in my pelvis and was sunny side up.
My whole pregnancy, all I wanted was to have a natural unmedicated birth. I'm constantly second guessing the decision to be induced. I know healthy baby/mom is the most important thing, but its still sad. I keep playing the what-if game. Has anyone else gone through this? What can I do to make it better? If nothing else it feels good to get these rambling thoughts off my chest. thanks for listening.

cuterusaurus

I go through it constantly, and I am three weeks out. I also had to have an emergency hysterectomy though so I think it's more intense for me. I labored for over 24 hours with no meds or interventions. I keep wondering what if all.the.time.

Brb13

I'm sorry you are going through this too. And a hysterectomy!! Wow- I'm sorry.

cgregory81

I'm 4.5 months out and I still think about this everyday, but I don't feel as depressed by it. I was induced at 39w2d due to GD. Labored for 24 hours and made it to 10cm pretty in eventfully. Unfortunately DS's heart rate nosedived and wasn't recovering during pushing so I ended up with an emergency c-section. My epidural didn't take quickly enough & they needed to get him out ASAP, so I was given general anesthesia. That was honestly the worst part for me...that I wasn't awake for his birth and my husband wasn't allowed to be there either. It makes me so sad to think that we weren't there to welcome him into the world. I also had some complications and my c-section ended up taking 3 hours so BFing and whatnot was delayed. All this is to say that I definitely understand how you feel, but I promise it gets better. When I start to slip into a funk I remind myself that at least my son is safe. He could have died! I remind myself that being grateful for our safety is a better use of my time and energy than feeling sad. It might not be the story I imagined for us, or the story you see in movies, but it's OUR story and it's just as special.

I'm not saying it's easy. It's a daily battle really, but the sadness will lessen. Just give yourself time. Best of luck, OP!