DH missing the birth of LO

Tink1704

My hubby found out tonight through a email from his CO (commanding officer) that he more than likely will be deployed in Jan to Afghanistan. I am due Jan 24th so looks like he will more than likely miss the birth of his first born. Its upsetting yet I know that this happens and I would not be the first to do this alone. DH promised me that we could Skype and all that but I feel horrible that he may miss such a monumental point in our lives! I know that this is the life I chose and that I will be okay but I am in shock. I dont want to make it harder on DH but I could really use some positive encouragement right now.
Thanks ladies.

Snooches07

Oh that's hard to take in. I would have started crying, but I cry at everything lately. Lots of hugs to you and fingers crossed that maybe he gets pushed back a month??

mightymousy

That sucks *hugs* I can only imagine

mamacrunch

I am so sorry. I know this is the job they take, but it is just unfair. I know they have to go, but it seams like with so many servicemen and women they would allow him to be here for your child's birth. 
I wish Paternity leave could delay deployment for you. big hugs

lisafish1179

I can't relate at all but I can offer support and an honest that really sucks!!! I'm so sorry! Also thank your DH for all that he does to keep us safe and thank you for being a military wife big hugs to both of you

OSUWifey09

H was deployed right after we found out we were pregnant with our angel baby and just happened to come back when we had our loss [came home four weeks earlier than expected]. It's so hard to go through all of that alone, especially something as big as the birth of your child.

My hope is that you two get to make lots of memories during the rest of your pregnancy and enjoy it together. I know Skype isn't the best way to witness something like a birth, but I'm glad he has that option. Try to focus on you two and impending parenthood as much as you can. I'm so sorry you guys have to face this. (((Hugs)))

Tink1704

Thanks ladies. I havent really been able to wrap my head around the fact that after nearly 4 years of ttc and a mc that now when LO is doing so good that he will be gone. Timing really sucks sometimes!

Junebug060609

Lurking

As a military wife just had to chime in. They miss so much, and sometimes the timing of when they have to go is straight up lousy. Big giant hugs to you. It's the life we chose, but sometimes it is so very hard.

I hope you are able to skype with him, and I hope you are able to call in some family or friends to be with you.

Tink1704

Being the wife of a military member and the fact that I served 6 years in the USMC prolly makes it easier but we have been so excited for this for so long I am just shocked at the sudden news. But thanks for the support. I am so glad this site is here because I would feel really alone.

Avion22

I'm not sure what your husband does or what service he's in, but I'm AD Air Force and I've seen a lot of different situations regarding friends of mine making it home or not making it home in time for a birth, and some people being able to leave late, and some people missing the birth entirely.

My only advice would be for him to officially request to be home for the birth.  You'd think it's common sense that they would know he wants to be home, but sometimes an official request makes a difference.  If there is any medical reason at all that he should stay home, then that information should be included.  Obviously it's probably too soon to know now, but if you're going to be on bed-rest and have another kid at home, then that's important information for his command to have.  Or if you're expecting multiples, or if you have any kind of high-risk pregnancy.   Or if you are not going to be getting any support from family members (like nobody will be coming to help you out after the delivery).   Hopefully none of those situations will apply to you, but if they DO then you should let his command know.

Obviously there are no guarantees, but it's possible that they can have him come out a little bit late and meet up with his unit.  There's a possibility of someone else doing the first 4-6 weeks for him, then swapping out.  Some people volunteer to do stuff like that (usually for the extra pay, but also to help out a fellow soldier).  

I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes, but nobody wants to keep him from seeing the birth of his child.  Sometimes it just takes the right commander who can think outside the box enough to make it work.    

nbcarlson

I'm so sorry, I just can't imagine! Just because you chose that life doesn't make it stink any less! We are all here for you and I hope that something changes and he can be there. (((Hugs))))

fluttergirlmoonchild79

I so sorry, that really sucks.  Hoping things change between now and then and that he can be there.  Thank you for your sacrifice and thank DH for his service.

ejb23

Hugs to you this situation sucks! I hope one of the situations others posted might work!

BootsOrHearts

That is really hard, I'm so sorry.

ShhItsASecret

Boo!! I'm sorry for the upsetting news, praying they delay deployment for a few months so he can be with you. If not hopefully he will be able to skype and no matter what he will be there in heart! 

funny bunny

I am so sorry to hear this!

I hope the deployment happens after LO arrives!

KatieintheCity

I'm so sorry, I really hope it works out in your favor. Are you on/near a base? Definitely look up some support groups through your husband's unit, it'll be helpful to have people who've been in your shoes before to support you. ((Hugs))

linzeeh80

I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. (((hugs)))

TheatreStar86

Ugh, that sucks. I am so sorry to hear that! 

pkaren

((HUGS)) I'm so sorry. My DH is in the Canadian Military and did a six month deployment to Afghanistan in 2010. I totally broke down when he told me it was for sure happening and I wasn't even pg. It's so scarey. He's scheduled to go away on training about a week and a half after my EDD, so I really feel like we're racing against the clock to have this little one. He'll only be gone for 5 weeks, but I'm totally bummed DH is going to miss so much and lose out on the early bonding time. 

DebateThis

Not sure if anyone else suggested this already but if you're interested, you might want to contact Operation Special Delivery. They are a group of volunteer doulas who work with the spouses of deployed service members who will need labor support due to the deployment. https://www.operationspecialdelivery.com/
Beyond that, I'm sorry you got such stressful news - you and YH will be in my thoughts for sure.

Adam2010

I am so sorry. That must be so tough to hear. HUGE squishy hugs!

KDS1987

My DH is missing the birth of this little guy for deployment too. It sucks but that is just the way it happens sometimes. Saying goodbye to him was hard on both of us, but he did say that even though he left knowing he wouldn't be there to welcome his son into the world it was reassuring to know that the next time we saw each other we would finally have the family we have been praying for. Hang in there and just take it one day at a time. Before he left, I handled the stress by thinking of ways to keep LO connected to his daddy. I had my DH sleep with some receiving blankets so LO can sleep with his smell. We also did the United Through Reading program so he could see his face and hear his voice. I know there are lots of other things that you could do as well, but that is what we did. I also promised to send DH pictures and videos as often as possible and I will send him care packages that have blankets that smell like the baby as well. Best of luck!