Back after a long absence

kjmitlyng

Hello, everyone.  I used to be a pretty regular contributor to this board several months ago.  I checked today and my last post was December of 2012.  That's kind of when the sh*t hit the fan for me and my life started falling apart.  The past 9 months have been the most challenging and painful of my life.  After TTC for about 6 months, my husband told me he wanted to take a break.  At the time, I thought he meant a month or two, maybe over the holidays and into the new year (he told me this in November of '12).  Here we are, August of 2013, and we are still not trying.  He has told me that right now he is not ready for a child.  It has rocked our marriage.  He was so supportive the months that we were trying, and I really thought we were on the same page.  Apparently, we were not.  At one point we almost separated because it was just tearing us apart.  He doesn't even want to be intimate because he's afraid I'll get pregnant.  He has a very stressful job and is a workaholic.  He says he is working so much so that he can provide for our family.  There is so much more I could say about the whole situation, but it would take hours to write.  We are going to couples counseling and I'm seeing an individual therapist.  I got so depressed that I was prescribed anti depressants and anti anxiety medications.  It has been so hard, and I have felt so alone.  And everyone around me seems to be pregnant or having babies.  Some days I feel like I can't stand it for one more minute.  I've been afraid to come back here because I'm ashamed of what's going on.  But here I am now, reaching out, saying it "out loud" in hopes that I can unload some of the pain I'm feeling. 

Thanks for "listening".

Geekywife

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through now. All I can offer is hugs and a ear to listen when ever you need to talk.

HeathernSteven

I remeber you, you have not been forgotten. I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time, (((hugs))) do not feel ashamed of what is going on in your life. Just come and vent when you need to...

Where are here for you.

MarylandWed

I'm sorry! When my h and I were having issues couples counseling did a world of good. We no longer go but the things we learned still help us today and we are stronger because of it. I hope the same for you. Hang in there.

QOTR

I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time.   I'm glad you felt safe to come post here.   We're all rooting for each other.

ksgsmu

I am so sorry- praying for you

BeckyP005

I am so very sorry you are dealing with this. For those that said IF has brought them closer are so lucky. MH and I were in this similar situation 2 yrs ago where I ended up on the child free board. MH had a change of heart after seeing me fall apart. Waiting to do a DE cycle but even though he agreed to it hasn't been easy. I feel like I should choose...a baby or MH. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. Come and talk/vent anytime on here. Sending you massive hugs. I can only imagine how hard this is for you

Jacque Sills

I am so sorry to hear your story, it breaks my heart for you.  I have a similar situation and if, you need to talk privately....just PM me.  Wishing you the best and hope that you and your husband can work through this tuff stuff.  Know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers......

Keep us posted on how it all goes.......   Keep your chin up! 

;;)

kjmitlyng

Thank you, everyone.  Sorry it has taken me awhile to come back and read your encouraging posts.  It's just hard for me to even log on here sometimes.  I still have hope, and your encouragement makes me feel even more hope. 

Thank you so much, ladies.  Love and hugs to all of you!

BeckyP005

Have been thinking about you! Glad you checked back in. Sending you lots of love peace and strength! Hang in there

Mrsbabyhopes

That sounds awful. I am so sorry. At least he is willing to see a counselor. My husband would never. Hopefully, your counselor has some knowledge about infertility too. I'm sure you will pull through this with the help of your counselor. Ooh, I would be so angry. It would make me crazy. It must be so hard to be patient.

NewMrs07

How old are you? Because if you're over 35 then your husband does not have the luxury of waiting, whether he likes it or not. Both people should be happy in a marriage and it sounds like your DH is making decisions without you. If you want a baby and he does not, it's time to rethink the relationship. Maybe he comes around and maybe not. If you feel that he may not come around in a long time (longer than you're willing to wait), then maybe you should find a new husband before its too late. Sorry to sound harsh but for me having children was non-negotiable and I could not stay with someone that makes me so unhappy I have to take antidepressants. I hope things get better for you, hugs.

TTCBabyJ

Please hang in there I know this is a very difficult situation. My DH and I went thru a similar rough patch as well. This is his second marriage and he already has teenage children...for a minute he expressed the idea that he was done with having children well as he put it "didn't want to start over again." We went to counseling and I think he started to see how selfish he was being. I don't have any children and he knew I wanted children when we married. I hate to sound like a b**** but at one point I had to say well if I'm going to be "childless" then I can't help you raise your kids...we have moved past this but it was very difficult. I will keep you in my prayers. Xoxo

DawnHope

Sorry to hear you are going through this.  We are hear to 'listen' any time.  I hope things get better for you.