Am I crazy???

PhillyGal34

I want to preface this by saying that I by NO MEANS want another preemie... if I have another preemie I will be happy and blessed but I'm not wishing for one when I say this.  I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression.

Now that DH and I are talking about TTC within the next year this thought keeps crossing my mind.  I am almost concerned that if my next child is not a preemie they will not be as "special' to me or as much of a miracle.  DS is so amazingly special to us and everything we went through makes him even more so. If I have a termie will I feel the same way?

Has anyone else ever felt this way? I hope you all know me well enough to know that I'm not trying to make light of anything we have all gone through and understand what I'm trying to say.  No one else could understand it I'm sure. 

PhillyGal34

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone!  :-)

Cst2CstBride

I also totally get what you are saying. I have a 50% chance of another very early baby (dd was 27w) so we have chosen adoption for our second child. DH is really excited that our second child will also have a really special and unique story because he was also worried about having a "normal" delivery and baby after what we went through with dd.

But, if I didn't have such a high chance of it happening it again, I would love to have the chance to experience everything I feel I "lost" by completely missing my third trimester. I think you can focus on all of the things you get from a full term pregnancy that you didn't get with the preemie and view it as really special.

jbranden12

Not crazy, but I think a common fear magnified by our situations. My mom said that after my brother was born and she found out she was pregnant 4 months later, she was really scared she wouldn't love me as much. Obviously I am amazing so it was no problem...

Honestly I think maybe that's just where your fear is landing consciously. I imagine we all have a great deal of fear about another pregnancy. Fear of how other babies will impact our current families, fear of what may happen to our bodies and our babies. Like anger, fear can land anywhere. You know you will be able to love another child and that all life is a miracle.

PhillyGal34

jbranden12 said:

Not crazy, but I think a common fear magnified by our situations. My mom said that after my brother was born and she found out she was pregnant 4 months later, she was really scared she wouldn't love me as much. Obviously I am amazing so it was no problem...

Honestly I think maybe that's just where your fear is landing consciously. I imagine we all have a great deal of fear about another pregnancy. Fear of how other babies will impact our current families, fear of what may happen to our bodies and our babies. Like anger, fear can land anywhere. You know you will be able to love another child and that all life is a miracle.

that made me laugh... I think you are right. it is just my fear manifesting itself.  I do worry that I won't love another kid as much as my little man.  he is my heart! I also know I will love any future kid as much but it's hard to imagine that. 

I was the first child and I still imagine my parents love me more... haha but maybe that is because I too am awesome? I guess we'll never know!

Thanks everyone... and Cst2- I think that is a great way to look at it.  A full term baby would be a miracle for other reasons ... reasons most moms take for granted!