Please talk me down

imoverit

Im making myself crazy over every little thing. Why arent my boobs sore, what if my beta drops instead of doubles, what's that twinge?Since my last two losses all I think about is this one not making it too and its driving me insane. For those of you that have been through this, how do you make it each day without freaking out? Ugh I just want to enjoy that Im KU.

kmc84

((Hugs)) it's such a helpless feeling:( my ivf #3 was right on the heals of my loss and with both bfps I had no symptoms. It was torture having things so similar when the first time ended so quickly. I'll admit, I was a wreck until after our u/s. I took each day as it came and I tried to not let my mind wander to the dark side. It got a little easier as each u/s passed and then much better after I could feel her moving around. I hope you can find something to distract you for a while. I have everything crossed for you! Sorry I wasn't more helpful!

imoverit

Kmc that was actually very helpful. Just knowing im not alone gives me peace. Thank you!

IBackBevo

At some point someone told me to just try to live in the day and say"today I am pregnant. " sorry you are dealing with this.

Mrs.AmyDylan

I was an absolute neurotic mess until about 15w. Each beta and u/s would give me happiness and reassurance that lasted about two days.

It helped me to pee on handfuls of Internet cheapie hpts.  I figure that if I'm still getting two lines, I'm still pregnant. 

Dragonfly1226

Honestly, I never really enjoyed the first stages of pregnancy. I had a lot of the same fears as you. When I was pregnant with DS it was to the point that I just cried before every u/s before 14 weeks because I was sure it would be bad news. I was so used to getting bad news that I didn't know how to be positive. I remember at my NT scan I was so upset b/c as soon as the scan started I asked if everything is okay. The tech assumed I was talking about the NT measurement and told me she wasn't sure yet. I started sobbing thinking that he had stopped growing. DH had to explain to the tech what I meant and she turned the screen to show me he was still alright in there. I could have cared less about the NT measurement at the time. I was just so relieved that he was still alive.

So how did I make it? One day at a time. And every milestone that we made it to (doubling betas, 6 wk u/s, 8 wk u/s, 9 wk OB appt u/s, 12 weeks, etc...) made me feel a bit better until around 13 weeks when my OB found a HB and I started to believe it might be for real. A week between betas seems so long! Try not to think about the early symptoms as there is such a wide range of normal with them. Look ahead to each milestone one at a time. Let us be positive for you when you are having trouble doing it for yourself. (((((Hugs)))))

PennyLane26

(((hugs))) I like @IBackBevo 's mantra: "Today I am pregnant."

mnj05

One day at a time and try not to think about the what ifs (which is incredibly hard). I had zero symptoms the entire time. I got to where I wouldn't think about it but the day before an appointment or u/s, I would get super nervous and stayed that way until we heard the heartbeat or saw the u/s. I didn't start feeling okay about it until I felt regular movement, but I still got really nervous before each appointment.

It's a mind game and it sucks. I hope you find some peace and a way that works for you to deal with it.

imoverit

Wow you ladies are so amazing. Through all these ups and downs it feels so good to know I can come here and be completely supported. Your advice and experiences bring tears to my eyes and give great comfort. Thanks for being there. You are all the best. One. Day. At. A. Time. Breathe.

CallMeAl

With both pregnancies, I didnt really feel pregnant much at all until 6 or 7 weeks. You've gotten some great advice, I think. Today, you are pregnant!

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick

You've gotten some great advice, so I just want to offer ((HUGS))

Saraevh

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.  I have HORRIBLE pregnancy anxiety ... the stick isn't even dry and I start worrying.  It's so bad that I probably should really be medicated to be totally honest.  For me, until the baby is in my arms crying and they tell me he/she is healthy I am a wreck so I have no real advice for you other than to try what I try to do which is to take things milestone by milestone ... second beta, first ultrasound, NT scan, appointment to appointment, trimester to trimester, etc.  Even when I do get reassurance it is hard for me to enjoy it for too long because I start worrying about the next thing.  Sometimes when I start to get myself worked up it would help me to tell myself that right now, I have no reason to worry.  

And what's the deal with them making you wait a week in between betas?  That seems nutty!      

imoverit

Saraevh said:

And what's the deal with them making you wait a week in between betas?  That seems nutty!      

I know right?! They would let me get one sooner if I asked but at this point I just started back at work and cant handle the beta stress anyway.

itsmevkb

I tried to take it just moment to moment.  It was hard because with my miscarriages my betas were good and with my first, I had multiple great ultrasounds, including a perfect NT scan, prior to losing the baby.  So, with my last two, I had a hard time even just being happy with good betas, or a good ultrasound you know?

When I would find myself really starting to obsess and worry I would remind myself that I was doing my part, I was taking the right meds and vitamins, eating better, etc. and that was all I had control over.  What was going to happen was going to happen and I just needed to calm down, let go and let it happen.

It's hard but you'll get through it, one day, one hour, one minute at a time.