Hi - and a fertility/MIL issues question

jpk84

Hi,

I'm new here, but need some advice.  My husband and I have been TTC for about 5 months now, and nothing yet.  Last week he went to get a sperm analysis because we figured that was an easy thing to start with (my dr said to start testing around 6 months) and we're waiting for the results.  

The reason we were a little concerned about the test is because his mother apparently smoked while she was pregnant, and I've read everywhere that smoking during pregnancy can have serious impacts on the mother's son's sperm count.  While waiting for the results, I'm getting all worked up and angry at her in my head, when I don't even know if it's an issue yet.  He told me this was unfair, which I know it is, but I can't really control it.  Hopefully results will be fine and it will be a non-issue, but on the other hand, if it is an issue, I'm worried that I'll hate her forever.  (We've had a rocky past, although things have been good lately.)

Has anyone dealt with anything like this?  Any advice on how to not hate my MIL if this does turn out to be an issue?  I know I'm jumping the gun here, but I'm finding it really hard not to be preemptively angry with her...

Mysterious_wife

I..well...hmm...

BE FUCKING PATIENT!  5 months is nothing. You are wasting your time and your doctors time. I have no idea what you are saying about your MIL. I just can't go there. Have you been charting? How old are you? A healthy couple with timed intercourse has a 20% chance each month. It can take up to a year to get pg. If you are over 35, then 6 months is when you see a doctor. 

bnik

My mom smoked when pregnant with both my brother and me. And I tell you what that dumb little brother of mine has no problem getting his flavor of the month pregnant. If your husband has a low count, you csbt possibly know why.

DebateThis

Five months and you're already running to fertility testing?

You need a bottle of wine, not an RE. Chill out and quit looking for trouble.

bugandbibs

5 months of trying and you are ready to blame/hate your MIL forever? You're a peach of a DIL.

sueann911

Your doctor and you are both ignorant.

Learn how your body works before you start testing.

AngeliaG8

Nicb13 said:

I swear I see more MIL hate posts on TB than anything else! Well, "I hate my MIL" and "is it ok for my baby to watch TV" posts. Both are quite annoying.

Took me a year and a half to get pregnant and I consider DH and I to be pretty healthy. Chill.

1. My MIL does drive insane. Just saying. But she helps us a lot too.

2. It took us a year and a half too. And we're the same way.

mysticl

We know now that smoking is one of the worst things you can do for your health.  They didn't used to know that.  My mom pulled out her 1973 edition of Dr. Spock's book the last time I visited.  In it says that breastfeeding women need to relax while feeding.  If they are tense it will only cause problems.  He gives a list of suggestions for how to relax....one of them is to have a cigarette.  This coming from an extremely respected physician.  

DebateThis

mysticl said:

We know now that smoking is one of the worst things you can do for your health.  They didn't used to know that.  My mom pulled out her 1973 edition of Dr. Spock's book the last time I visited.  In it says that breastfeeding women need to relax while feeding.  If they are tense it will only cause problems.  He gives a list of suggestions for how to relax....one of them is to have a cigarette.  This coming from an extremely respected physician.  

This is not really relevant to the discussion at all.

IF the OP/OP's DH actually have infertility issues (which is not really likely at this point, given her age/time TTC) and IF those infertility issues are only male-factor, there is no way to determine if his mom's smoking was the cause of it or not. There are hundreds of reasons that men have lowered sperm count or quality; the OP's jump to both infertility and blaming it on her husband AND her MIL is insane.

mysticl

DebateThis said:

mysticl said:

We know now that smoking is one of the worst things you can do for your health.  They didn't used to know that.  My mom pulled out her 1973 edition of Dr. Spock's book the last time I visited.  In it says that breastfeeding women need to relax while feeding.  If they are tense it will only cause problems.  He gives a list of suggestions for how to relax....one of them is to have a cigarette.  This coming from an extremely respected physician.  

This is not really relevant to the discussion at all.

IF the OP/OP's DH actually have infertility issues (which is not really likely at this point, given her age/time TTC) and IF those infertility issues are only male-factor, there is no way to determine if his mom's smoking was the cause of it or not. There are hundreds of reasons that men have lowered sperm count or quality; the OP's jump to both infertility and blaming it on her husband AND her MIL is insane.

I'm just pointing out that it's not like her MIL was knowingly doing something that could be harmful to her unborn child.  I think we all agree now that smoking during pregnancy is a bad idea.

greeneyed_bride

So basically you're searching for a "legitimate" reason to hate your MIL. 

My paternal grandmother smoked like a chimney while pregnant with all three of her sons, and all three of them fathered four children. Even if your husband has low sperm count, there's absolutely no way you can know it has anything to do with your husband's mom smoking, AND it doesn't mean that he won't be able to father a child without medical intervention. Not to mention the fact that you're borrowing trouble by getting all worked up about potential fertility problems after trying for only five months. Calm down.

Plus, try looking at it from the other side: do your future daughters-in-law and/or sons-in-law get to blame any problem your children might ever possibly have on what you did/ate/breathed/heard/drank while you're pregnant? If so, you might wanna go ahead and find a bubble to live in while you're pregnant, because every time you turn around, someone is finding something else that has the potential to be dangerous during pregnancy.