What is our responsibility?

ToastieSimons

DH, the kids and I went to an event this week hosted by a friend and his family.

Hubs was participating and it was an adult only event.  Families were encouraged to be spectators but only 18+ could participate and there were lots of safety rules, helmets, waivers, etc.

There were lots of spectator rules in addition.  We took the kids up on the front porch so I could cage the kids in and they would be safe as well as others.  

When it was DH's turn (it was a motorized vehicle race in 2 person heats) right after the "GO" flag a child ran right across the track in front of them.  Thank goodness it turned out the way it did with the boy being missed by millimeters.  

After asking our friend what happened we got the excuse of "He's autistic.  Well, he is and he isn't.  In some ways he is and other ways he isn't.  Like he's really smart but doesn't understand consequences".  what is our responsibility as the parents of special needs kiddos in the way of safety when it comes to informing a crowd?  Our friend assured us that even if something had happened the father wouldn't have been upset with us, but still DH has a conscience and would feel awful.  Obviously the father hasn't ever explained the depth of his son's ASD because our friend and their family truly believe you can and can't have ASD.

1) I have 2 SN kids who don't understand that they can get hurt. So we responsibily corralled them for everyone's safety.

2) Is it this parents job to inform "strangers" that their child could be at risk?

3) I'm a helicopter parent I guess.  I understand not wanting to be one and needing a break and I'm not saying it was the parents job soley to police this child, but in this case what would you have done?

I guess I'm angry with these parents because on some level, I get it.  I get not wanting to announce to a crowd of people "Hey my kids got issues" but in the same sense, this was your kids life.  If he didn't want to get help on watching his child then he needed to be more proactive.  

And this wasn't an isolated incident.  It was just the one time I was really watching.  DH told me on the way home that he had done it a few times while they were having "practice laps".  

MirandaHobbes

That's just crazy, imho. Autism or not, its the parent's responsibility to watch their kids, period. We are helicopter parents too, I guess. Sometimes it drives me nuts because DH won't let DS do anything for himself, but other times it just makes perfect sense to keep him tethered to us. Like I wish DH would let DS climb to the top of the jungle gym at the park by himself like all the other kids- but I also know that DS is still very clumsy and has motor delays, thus the concern. He could slip pretty easily. I try to find that happy medium between letting him learn some skills and keeping an eye on him. A jungle gym is a far cry from the situation you're describing though. I'd be on the porch with you!

MaxandRuby

It is the parent's responsibility to keep their child safe. You don't have to announce to everyone that your child has a disability but it is your responsibility to keep them from running in front of vehicles.  You either do it yourself, get help, or do not participate in the event. It is for the safety of your child, the drivers, and the other spectators. 

While I am not a parent dealing with ASD, I would probably raise eyebrows at basically being told X has ASD and doesn't have ASD. Disabilities do not work that way. You either have it or you don't. Maybe the person was simply downplaying it?