Late Term and Child Loss

So hopeless

It has been 3 months since we lost our daughter Brooke. I feel so hopeless.  She was my everything. With her I was the closest to Heaven I could get here on Earth. I waited so long to be a mother and she was perfect.  My world was complete and there was nothing else I wanted. I would have given everything to keep her in my arms.  

Now, I feel like everything is gone and she was my only chance at that life of being a mother. I know I am still her mother and always will be, just not a acting parent. It feels like everything in my life is falling apart.  Not that it even matters. I do see a counselor and I go to a support group but nothing takes away this pain or hopelessness that randomly hits. It also feels like my DH doesn't even understand how I feel. I feel like I am completely alone.

Thanks for listening. 

Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS



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Re: So hopeless

  • (((hugs)))) over time, the sharpness of grief will dull. But it takes time, and hits us when we least expect it. Take it easy on yourself hon.

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  • I am so sorry you are dealing with this.  I am sorry any of us are.  I wish I had words to offer that would make you feel better, but I know for me, nothing anyone says really helps.  I understand feeling alone.  Even knowing there are others that have experienced loss doesn't help because they didn't experience my loss.  I hope you are able to find comfort through your IRL support group, here or with the advice of your counselor.  Sending you lots of (((hugs)))
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    I wish I could send virtual hugs to you. Or find the right words to make you feel better. My hope is that, with time, the grief will not be as hard to handle [even though I know it will always be there].

    My H doesn't get the grief, either, even after a year. He's a sympathetic ear and listens when I break down, but it just isn't the same. I hope he's still supportive, though, as you work through all of these random emotions that will hit over the next few weeks, months, years.

    It does get easier, but it definitely takes awhile. Please take it easy on yourself and know that we're here. *hugs*


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  • It will never go away. The sharpness might, but not the ache, the desire. I hope you are able to parent a living child someday when you are ready and you are able to share Brooke with them. This group knows we can not placate one another with certainties of parenthood, but we can hope for one another.
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  • I can relate with everything you are feeling...and I can't imagine the added pain of actually holding my baby and taking care of her. 

    A major theme I see in most loss moms is that they feel they will never parent a healthy child...and most of the ones I have talked to IRL have.  It helps me to see that they felt the same way as me after their loss.

    I also know how it feels it feel like DH doesn't get it the way I do.  It has helped us to go and talk to our showed me that he is grieving in his own way (even though it is completely different than how I grieve)'s not always easy but I just have to keep reminding myself of that. 


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  • I just want to tell you that the things will get a bit easier. I know it is very hard but we have to keep dreaming and have hope. Dream that you will have a little girl just like her one day. The dreams will slowly emerge from the darkness you feel. I remember these first months. They were so hard. In the end of each day I felt exhausted. Exhausted of all the grief and darkness and pain. The mornings were very hard too. I had to accept that this is my reality now.

    Just go day by day. One day sooner or latter y see some light in the tunnel. Lots of hugs to you!

  • Thank you again ladies. I had to leave work early today. I needed to get out of there and go see my counselor.  She helped  little.  So did all of you. Hugs to you all!

    Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS



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  • Hugs! I'm glad talking to your counselor helped some.
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  • I am so very very sorry for your loss. :( 
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    I am so sorry for your loss and just want you to know that you are not alone.  I often get hit by these huge emotional waves and feelings of hopelessness.  I think like PP's have said don't give up on that hope.


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