When will the jealousy go away?

kelly422

LO is almost 12 weeks now.  She was born at 35 weeks and really did wonderfully with no NICU time, so I can't really complain. The only thing we struggled with was breastfeeding and she never did catch on, so I have EP since her birth.  I feel like I was robbed of that because she came early and truly feel if she was a term baby, we would likely not have had any issues (hard to know for sure, I know). 

SOOO many people I know were/are also pregnant and I find myself so jealous that they were able to go to term.  (Several of them also had preterm labor issues, but why were they able to go to term and not me?!) And then I get angry when I hear some of them talking about how they just want to have their baby early because they're so excited to see him/her.  I wouldn't trade my extra 5 weeks with LO for anything (bonus was I got 5 extra weeks of maternity leave).  Are these feelings normal and will this jealousy and resentment go away? 

Pips09

Totally normal and I still feel it, 2 years later. I don't know if it will ever go away.

jbranden12

I'm pretty jealous of you... If they ever go away, I don't think it will be until my kid(s, hopefully) are grown.

kelly422

jbranden12 said:

I'm pretty jealous of you...  

Sorry...that wasn't the point of my post... 

jbranden12

kelly422 said:

jbranden12 said:

I'm pretty jealous of you...  

Sorry...that wasn't the point of my post... 

No need to apologize, I'm sorry if it came off the wrong way. I just meant to show that my immediate reaction to ANYone who has a baby who hasn't been through what my family has is envy. Even other loss moms or preemie moms. I'm working on it!

kelly422

jbranden12 said:

No need to apologize, I'm sorry if it came off the wrong way. I just meant to show that my immediate reaction to ANYone who has a baby who hasn't been through what my family has is envy. Even other loss moms or preemie moms. I'm working on it!

It's understandable.  I know our road could have been MUCH longer and harder and we're really lucky that she did so well.  

megs2011

I know I am super jealous. I have a feeling it will never go away. I got lucky when I tried to start BFing at 3 months that my girls took to it. I am dealing with 2 people wishing (since about 32 weeks) that their babies would come early because they are done with being pregnant (one of which is family). It takes so much for me not to say something to her. Also, she's, via FB, given her baby an "Eviction notice"... she's only 38 weeks pg...  My girls were born 5.5 weeks early and stayed in the SCN for 4 weeks.

kelly422

@deedylovescake. Thank you, I really appreciate that!

paradebegone

I keep thinking that once my DD reaches a milestone, I can stop comparing and being jealous.  Like, if she could just hold her head up or if she would just give me a smile...

For the most part, I think I've come to terms and have accepted our birth story.  But there are for sure, times that give me pangs of jealousy.

punky917

What you are feeling is completely normal. DS was a 26 weeker and just turned 5 and even though the jealousy/resentment has gotten much better through the years, I don't think it really went away for me. Even after having my FT daughter six weeks ago, I sometimes have feelings of jealousy of all those who didn't have to struggle to get there. I had 16 weeks of strict bed rest with DD.

I agree with @curlingrocks that everyone will be different in their journey with this, but it is important to be able to talk about it and get support from friends, family, this board.

kelly422

@curlingrocks and @punky917 thanks for the support and encouraging me to use this board and you all!

BLPL101

Completely normal. I could have written your post. DD was born at 35 weeks and I EP still (she's almost 8 months). I still experience the jealousy, but it isn't as bad as the first few months. I just try to focus on the fact that she is alive and healthy and there are many, many women who can't even have a child so we are truly blessed! It gets easier with time. Just know your feeling are 100% normal.

kelly422

@blpl01 I've been EP for 3 months now.  Most days, it's not so bad, but others the thought of EP for 9 more months is rather daunting.  Any tips? 

Brummy14

kelly422 said:

@blpl01 I've been EP for 3 months now.  Most days, it's not so bad, but others the thought of EP for 9 more months is rather daunting.  Any tips? 

Set small goals! I still EP -- I have a long term goal in mind, but it's always been....6 months actual (check!), 6 months adjusted (check!), 1 year actual....1 year adjusted.....through the next flu season (at which point they'll be around 15 months adjusted or so). Just don't think about the long term part. That will drive you nuts. Seriously. Especially with EPing.

anna2089

God gave you a preemie bc he knew you could handle it! It takes a strong person to take care of a preemie and that person is you, it's a walk in the park for those moms with newborns and most people go full term, how cliche, your the one who endured it and came through it. Don't look around, you have ur baby and he survived! I also had these feelings when my baby was up in the NICU and my friend who had her baby the same day was taking pics of there family together! But I got the encouraging words I posted above. Don't look around, you are blessed!

MTipler22

I'm not sure if mine will ever go away fully... I still struggle with it and my twins just turned 2.