Dh asked today

Cindal

Dh asked today if there was a place like TB but for men.

After hearing from a rather insensitive receptionist today that his second SA also came back abnormal but no we can't see it yet, he's really struggling. I'd look over at him to find him with his head in his hands just staring at the floor, later he just kinda walked aimlessly around the house pausing here and there to sigh. I assured him that it wasn't the end of the world, gave him a back rub, tried anything to get him to smile, but he's taking it really hard. I partially don't understand the reaction since we both expected it would come back abnormal again. I mean to reach normal levels from our last one would be a freaking miracle.

He doesn't have anyone to talk to about our MFI but me. There are a few friends he could open up to, one of whom is actually pursuing adoption because of MFI, but he's soo private and refuses to share with anyone IRL. I know how helpful TB, this board in particular, and my ladies on IDOB have been in keeping my sanity. I think he knows that too hence the reason he asked. I didn't have anything to tell him, but I thought maybe someone on here might know of a place, geared more to men. So does anyone's DH have a group or a board that they frequent for ttc troubles?

ap142193

There is a board: https://forums.thebump.com/categories/dads-and-dads-to-be

ky29

Aw, I'm sorry your husband is having a hard time.  My husband took it hard at first too.  The key, at least for us, was for me to not show disappointment.  I keep telling him that the problem isn't 'him', it's 'us'.  He seems to be better about it now.. but like your husband, he didn't have much 'support' from other men.  He did tell one friend that he works with that we had been trying to get pregnant for a while, and that he was the 'problem'.  His friend said that they had trouble getting pregnant, and went through all the shots she had to have, etc.  I think that even though his friend couldn't relate on the MFI side of it, it helped him to know that he's not the only person to have trouble getting pregnant. 

Is there anyone IRL that he would feel comfortable talking to this about?  Or, maybe even a counselor or something?

happygirl1013

My DH was the same way in the beginning when we first found out--- he was pretty much inconsolible.  But over time, he became kind of open about it with people, because he realized the more guys he spoke to about this, how common this really is and how many people there are out there he can relate to.  He isn't like talking to his boys after the soccer game, more like work affiliates or family friends who he feel like he can trust.  Good luck!

MrsH7707

I know how you feel...DH gets like that too at certain times....especially when I get AF.  I feel helpless that he feels that way.  My DH also doesn't have anyone to talk to about this as none of our couple friends have had trouble quite like this.....and I don't think that his parents are a good support system for him....kind of like if we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist.  And I know that he doesn't always want to talk about things with me.