Venting... Sorry so long

cawettig

I am do confused. Lately I feel so frustrated with dh. I know this is in part of not being able to go to counseling for a month now. But when I am trying to think straight and not hormonal about things I feel like it is me taking my anger out on him.
I posted a while back how he hurt me by visiting his friend at the hospital when they had a baby. We talked later and he admitted how much it hurt him to go see the baby and how he couldn't hold it.
So he told his friend apparently how I didn't want him to go. I ended up telling dh that I couldn't stand the idea of his friends wife (who was my former babysitter) bringing a new baby into my house when she would watch the kids. I told him I would find someone else because it was killing me even thinking about it.
So the next morning after I say this to dh I find a text message on dh phone while dh was in the shower. It said this "tell crystal she can find someone else to babysit. Amanda and I are done with her fing games tell crystal she needs to get a grip on life and get over it" (it meaning my sweet angel Arianna).
I told dh in a calm voice that his best friend is no longer welcome at our home. I said I never want to speak with them ever again. Dh said he was very upset when he said that about me and Arianna. So the next day dh and his best friend end up texting back and forth with dh standing up for me and his a hole of a friend saying how dh shouldn't be with me and how I was a controlling bitch. Sooo then a hole of a friend says well whatever man have a good life and that was it.
I furious. How dare he. There is so much history between everything. I have bent over backwards for them. I have borrowed them tons of money. Whatever.
So long story short I ask dh if he has talked to him at all since. Dh says no I haven't, but I thought about doing it today. I have him this look of how could you and dh says to me well he has been my best friend for years.

I am so hurt. I don't even know how to process this...

Noethola

Tragic loss brings many changes in life, and you find out who will stand by you and who won't. Its such a tough time, because on top of grieving your baby, your hopes and dreams, you now have to grieve the loss of a friendship as well. I know that what he said was awful and hurtful to you. But I would really try to support DH at this time, as I hope he is supporting you. 

Is there something that has prevented you from being able to go back to your counseling sessions? This would be a good thing to bring up in there as well, once you are able to get back to them. 

I am so very sorry for such a difficult time for you and your DH right now. 

Dixon813

I am so sorry you are dealing with all this.  I never wish my pain upon anybody else, but I do hope they realize that this is a part of me now, not just something I'm "going through"... and it sounds like DH's friend just doesn't get it.

My DH and I have talked about a couple friends that we were afraid would be the same way and decided that if they were to behave like that (ignore our feelings and treat us like we should be "over it") that we would have to re-evaluate our friendship.

I know it's hard, but try to take some deep breaths.  What works for me when I'm upset with DH is spending some time by myself thinking about what's really bothering me and having talking points ready so I make sure I explain what and why to him...

Hugs!

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY WARNING***



That's crap that his "best friend" treated you guys like that. While I would never wish a loss like ours on anyone, it really sucks that people actually think it's that easy to move on from something like this - some don't get it unless it actually happens to them [which, again, I would never wish on anyone]. We've lost touch with friends since our loss, but we've also had a few step up and be our rocks, which is awesome.

In the months after losing Devon, H and I also struggled in our relationship. He had a cousin announce a pregnancy in December, and I lost it; he thought I was nuts. It took a lot of talking - and counseling - for us to get on the same page and for him to see how the loss affected me [and vice versa]. Grief is such a hard thing to work through. Will you be able to go back to counseling soon?

I'm so sorry you guys are having a rough time [and that you have to deal with such a crappy person]. **hugs**

shandorfml2

I am so sorry. Some people just truly don't get it. They can't put themselves in our shoes even for a second (because it probably hurts to much) so they are cold and cruel. You don't need those type of people in your life.

princezjk

I am so sorry you have to deal with this.  I agree with OSUwifey, its amazing how people don't understand this loss.  Sending lots of T&P and extra (((hugs))) your way!

cawettig

We haven't been able to see our counselor since she was out of town for a while and also because of our work schedule.
I have talked to dh about it since then and he said he is very upset with what he said. He said that he is not going to talk with him for awhile because he needs to be there for me right now.
Thank you ladies for all your support it means the world to me.

golfingdarwinfish

I am honestly speechless by this person's behavior.  You would think that someone who just brought an infant in the world would be able to sympathize and offer compassion to someone who was just robbed of this experience. 

Honestly, I have a feeling there is more to it than what is being expressed on the surface.  I cannot believe that this man truly believes that the world must stop, all others emotions must stop, and everyone should drop everything to worship him and his LO.  That's beyond heartless. 

I am so sorry you are going through this crap.  It is 100% absolutely the last thing that you need.  I think you both need to stop associating with them, at least for the time being, while things have time to "settle".  I think there's no resolution or amount of time that would allow you to be friends with this couple again, but I still think it's necessary; the communication between the two couples isn't healthy for anyone involved.

Again, I'm so sorry you are going through this crap.