Can I return my kid? Tantrum/screaming behavior issues. Long

mommytoconnor

Just a bit of background, son just turned 3 yrs, has SPD, I adopted from foster care at a yr old. was born substance exposed to cocaine. I am a single mom also working as RN, my mom helps out and we are sharing a house, as she retired and I needed help.  I digress, so my DS has SPD, and speech delay, although we have seen huge improvement in both over last few months. Well it's been a week now of horrendous behavior leaving myself and my mom in tears each night.  I enrolled him about 10 months ago in daycare, everyone thought it would be great for him, and it has. He also just started preschool thru school district for ST and such.  That just started 2 days ago.  So for almost a week before he started in with screaming. He's yelling at teachers saying "no miss xxx." and does the same for me.  Now that's not the worst, he will get set off by something, anything and go into a yelling tantrum where he is unable to tell me anything, you can;t stop it, and it just escalates.  He will throw his cup, food, toys, etc. I have tried everything. Ignoring it and going into another room until he calms down, redirecting, cool down spots instead of time outs cause they don't work for him. I put him in his room and close his door, put a baby gate up in front so he can't get out.  He slams open the door, He has put 2 holes in the wall with the door handles with how forceful he will slam it open.  I can't determine what sets him off.  It can be anything from being told he can't have pudding for dinner, to he has to wait until 7 for mickey mouse to come on TV, to he wants to open or close a door,fridge,cabinet, etc. to his shoe being off and he wants it on.  It can be the tiniest thing. I feel like a failure as a mom.  He has seen every type of specialist. they all agree with dx.  Of course he doesnt have these tantrums while they are seeing him, ever. I am at a loss and feel terrible guilt because my mom is enduring all this too and neither of us are enjoying him right now. For the last 7 days I count the minutes until bedtime.  It shouldn't be that way, but I am lost.  Anyone who has gone thru this pls help.  I have educated myself on SPD and to try to head things off before they start but nothing is working and everything people are saying just plain don't work.  I'm in tears as i write this and I need some direction, words of wisdom, cheering up, anything. TIA

CaptainSerious

Has anything changed in your family/home/his routine around the time this started?  Perhaps he's on the cusp of some major milestone, and that's why his behavior is backsliding?

mommytoconnor

I have thought and thought about this too.  I honestly can't think of anything really.  I mean he was getting a bit of a cold, but I have never seen this terrible kind of backslide with that. He has been in swim lessons for a little over a month and doing great. Well come to think of it, a few days before this all started, his swim instructor had another instructor come and evaluate her teaching and she was a little less "allowing" of him doing things at his pace, like his regular instructor does.  She allows him to kind do what she asks then he can do a fun thing that he wants like dive for rings.  She is less "strict" I would say and this lady was just like nope "swim, swim, and again."  Do you think this could be it? She was too rigid for him with his needs? It honestly didn't even cross my mind.  The only other thing is he is speaking more now, which in the last like 2-3 weeks has been a pretty big jump.  But what other type of milestones are you thinking of. 

Princess_Lily

First (((hugs))) to you. While some may be SPD-related, much of what he can be doing is typical of a 3-4yo child who can be testing this/her boundaries. His sensitivities to his environment (whether noises sensitivity , etc.) might be escalating the emotional outbursts further. Are these hour long meltdowns, or do they last 5-10min? Sometimes once they hit 4-ish, the meltdowns will diminish further has he grows in maturity.

I would write down when the tantrums occur, what can trigger them. For him, it may be he needs more "freedom of choice" to feel he is in control. Try to find calming methods to help him relax if his emotions are getting the better of him

Does he enjoy taking baths? During DS rough period(3.8mo-4yo), I gave him a nice warm bath and it helped to settle his nerves., which in turn settled our own.

mommytoconnor

Thanks for the input ladies.  BTW Auntie, I was just being sarcastic in my "can I return him" comment.  I really have a hard time sometimes knowing if these behaviors are "normal" for his age, due to SPD, due to substance exposure, or whatever so I like to hear everyone else's input.  I always wonder if there is something that is being missed, eventhough I truly feel there isn't, you wonder as a parent when something new starts and it's a bit unexpected.  His tantrums may only last 10 minutes or so, but are incredibly loud and so of course seem much worse than they may actually be. thanks ladies.

Rachel Sonnier

I think Auntie probably has the right idea. We went through something similar in the spring and our OT suspected it was the result of a cognitive leap. It was awful, and it felt like it lasted forever. Then just as quickly as it came on, it faded out and he went back to his old sweet self, and seemed to have a bunch of new skills. Hopefully that's how it will work for you guys also. Good luck!! :-)

smerka

I'm in the same boat so I don't have any advice for the behavior. But I will say I bought some plastic disks that stick to the wall to prevent the dings from the door knobs. So far they have worked really well. I got ours at Home Depot.