Should I Try Ferber?

plusoneblog

My husband and I have been super exhausted this last month with our baby waking up 4-5 times a night. We both have to work, and being able to do well at work has become progressively more and more difficult. From about age 2-4 months my baby would sleep through the night, but lately she wakes up multiple times. I usually feed her once in the middle of the night, the other times I give her a pacifier, and that usually works. I wish she would just self soothe but she isn't. 

I am considering trying the Ferber method because I really don't know what else to do. I took her to the doctor twice in the last month, but everything seems to be fine with her medically. She is sleeping in a pack and play in our room, I am wondering if moving her to her crib in her own room would help, though I doubt it would make much difference. 

rjeller32

Moving her might help a lot. I am a pro-Ferber momma, but it's not for everyone. Read the books, and figure out what works for you and your family.

I did it with both of my DDs and I got results of better sleep within a few days, DD2 has been STTN since the night we started sleep training, so I am a firm believer. But it is hard to listen to them cry and figure it all out. GL and I hope you find what works for you!

plusoneblog

Thanks for your response She is sleeping in our room because she wakes up so much, but if she would sleep better in her own room I would like to move her there. 

Several of my friends have recommended Ferber, but then online I read mixed things. It is so difficult to know what to do, but if my baby slept better it would be better for everyone, including her.

jwebb0512

I'd suggest reading the book as opposed to online review, then make a decision for yourself. Find out what it's really about and if you think it will work for you. I did it with DS and he's been STTN ever since. I could've written your post when he was 4 months old! I was miserable. Perhaps try transitioning her out of your room, then go from there. It might help more than you think. Hang in there!

g8trkim

Ferber worked very well for us, but I think it might be best to try moving her to her crib first. Both of my kids slept better in the crib than in our room.

alysie89

I'm personally not a pro ferber mom, however no judgement to those mommas that have done it. I'm a firm believer in doing what is best for you and your family, and what ever gets you the best sleep. I've coslept and done the no cry sleep solution, and that worked for me. Good luck to you! It can be super rough not getting enough sleep.

st.augbride

Just commiserating. Right now we are bed sharing and I really do want to get her in the crib. She is a stubborn monkey though. I tried Ferber to get her in the crib and self-soothing for 3 nights, and each night got worse... I read stories online about minutes of crying, but in our house, it was hours... So after night 3 we gave up because it wasn't easing up and just felt wrong. She was 6 months old, so maybe we will try again in another month or two. That said, it never worked for ds either. He would wake up 1-5 times. It was rough. When we switched him off of BM at 14 months old and onto a toddler formula, he just started sleeping through on his own and has ever since. So, part of me feels that it will eventually happen on its own. I do think being in their own room might help. Our bedroom is on a different floor though, so I will probably wait until we wean.

plusoneblog

Thanks everyone. Last night was really really terrible, DD wouldn't sleep from about 12:30am to 4am. I do think we need to move her into her own room, so we will probably do that tomorrow night. Really we should have done it tonight but I was so tired I completely forgot, and now she is already asleep in our room again. We will try that first for a few nights. 

I just want her to be able to soothe on her own. I did read some of The No Cry Sleep Solution, but to me there is no way to transition from needing a pacifier to fall back asleep. We either give her one or we don't, and if we don't she will cry for a while.

jwebb0512

I was worried about the same thing. DS used a pacifier only to fall asleep and our pedi kept saying he should be able to would wake up, find it, put it back in, and go back to sleep...but that never happened. He said I shouldn't go in and give it to him, because he'll start to expect it and never learn to soothe himself. Instead, DS just naturally weaned himself of the pacifier when we started sleep training. If he's super tired and fussy, he'll take it while I rock him and calm him before bed. Here's hoping that will happen for you!

emd886

I was against "sleep training" until I talked to my sister recently. She, in all her brilliance, pointed out that one way or another he is being trained, its only a matter of what I want him to learn. I can teach him to be rocked and nursed to fall asleep or I can teach him that he is capable of sleeping on his own. Then she explained how she did it. 
Today was our day one. I still rocked and let him nurse to sleep. When he was asleep I put him in his pack n play (drowsy but awake would be better but he is either awake or asleep, he hides his drowsy window i guess lol)
When I put him down he wakes up (every. single. time.) The first two times I was able to pat him and he went back to sleep. The third time is when crap hit the fan.
I let him cry for 3 minutes. Went in and patted him and talked to him softly.
Then I waited 5 minutes. I picked him up and let him nurse a minute (8 minutes is a long time to holler and he had to be thirsty!) then put him back down wrapped up. 
Then I waited 7 minutes. Then 10. 
It was about 40 minutes of awfulness. He didnt scream the whole time, sometimes it was just crying, or his sleepy moans (that he does when he is falling asleep) in the saddest voice ive ever heard. 
It was hard. I felt like a monster. Even though I knew he was ok and safe. Obviously I was a horrible mom for not picking him up when he cried right? I cried.
But I stuck with it. If you start this you have to be committed otherwise it is just going to confuse them and make it harder if you try again. 
40 minutes of that drama, and he is still asleep. It's been 2 and a half hours, it is his longest nap ever. 
Read all the books, all the theories. I think it all boils down to being consistent in whatever you choose. Good luck!

Beth.1212

You can try the baby whisperer method. Worked for us when LO developed a nursing association that the no cry solution didn't really help with. LO will cry, but you don't leave them alone. You teach them to put themselves to sleep. That felt right to us. Well, of course, no crying would have been even better, but that wasn't working so this seemed to be the next best thing to us.

No judgment for those who use Ferber - I know a lot of people are happy with the success they have with the method.

plusoneblog

Thanks for all your input, I didn't actually start any sleep training yet but for whatever reason my baby is back to only waking up once a night now. Who knows how long that will last though.

My Mom actually bought me a Baby Whisper Book a few days ago, now I just need to find the time to actually read it..

mejane123

plusoneblog said:

My husband and I have been super exhausted this last month with our baby waking up 4-5 times a night. We both have to work, and being able to do well at work has become progressively more and more difficult. From about age 2-4 months my baby would sleep through the night, but lately she wakes up multiple times. I usually feed her once in the middle of the night, the other times I give her a pacifier, and that usually works. I wish she would just self soothe but she isn't. 

I am considering trying the Ferber method because I really don't know what else to do. I took her to the doctor twice in the last month, but everything seems to be fine with her medically. She is sleeping in a pack and play in our room, I am wondering if moving her to her crib in her own room would help, though I doubt it would make much difference. 

Try it! It worked wonders for us. DD was starting to sleep super lightly around 6-7 months, so she'd wake up if one of us rolled over or got up to use the bathroom. We finally figured we'd give putting her in her own room a shot. Almost from the start she was sleeping minimum 8 hours before waking up, some nights she'll do a full 10-12. 

ETA: Also, have you tried a projector? I thought they were stupid because that kind of thing would keep me from falling asleep, but they work wonders for her. We have a Munchkin one that has a few different sounds and slides, and a cheapy V-Tech one that she actually seems to like better sometimes. Sometimes I kind of have to "trick" her into getting to sleep if she wakes up not long after we put her down by putting her projector on then sneaking out of her room. It occupies her enough that she doesn't notice when I leave.

plusoneblog

Thanks for the tip, no I don't have a projector, because like you I didn't see how that would help her sleep, but maybe I will get one.

Knock on wood she slept decently last night..

mejane123

plusoneblog said:

Thanks for the tip, no I don't have a projector, because like you I didn't see how that would help her sleep, but maybe I will get one.

Knock on wood she slept decently last night..

It's worth a shot. DD also (sometimes) likes the heartbeat sound on it, which drives me bonkers within 30 seconds.