I'm full of questions today! Moving and COs

Cheerilee

Per the CO, DH could move with SS at any time, any distance, as long as he gave BM 30 days written notice.  The CO doesn't mention anything about how a move affects visitation.  Three years ago, we moved out of state halfway across the country.  Obviously, she doesn't get EOW as COed but that wasn't an issue for her.  She is entitled 2 weeks every summer, so we go back for 3 weeks every summer to give her the opportunity to take it, and she takes a couple hours MAYBE three times.  Now, BM is moving halfway across the country in the OTHER direction.  She will no longer be in our home state.  She doesn't ever push visitation but I'm wondering how this will affect the current CO.  Since they've both moved, is the original one void?  We planned on redoing the CO once I am finished with my PhD and have a job at a university so it could reflect travel.    

unm00red

Seriously? I've been agnostic on the ProBoards debate up until now. However, you just left a really bad impression as far as I'm concerned.

Cheerilee

ZappyBride said:

A great place to ask this would be the blended families board on ****.

I'm perfectly happy here... Thanks?

SimpleJane

unm00red said:

Seriously? I've been agnostic on the ProBoards debate up until now. However, you just left a really bad impression as far as I'm concerned.

This. Seems a bit pathetic. Do you need members THAT bad?

Banana44

Since no one has answered your question, I will venture an attempt, although I am only giving my opinion here.

The old CO should remain until a new one is there to replace it.  However, I would think that since she is also moving, if she wants to take any visitation time, she will have to figure out transportation.

Worst case scenario is you would have to bring SS back to home state for BM visitation and she either needs to see him there or get him from there to her.

Honestly it seems like she doesn't want much visitation and her move is another sign she couldn't care less.  If I were you, I wouldn't worry about the CO and just see how things happen over the next year or so,

Holly_1007

Maybe when you plan your visit back to home state you could just let her know the dates you will be there and ask if she will be in the area then? Also send her a copy of SC's School calendar and ask what her plan is regarding her visitation? It really seems like she could care less, so I wouldn't really push anything at this point

Cheerilee

Thanks, ladies.  That was what I thought but I really didn't want something to come bite us in the butt during our last few months in our current state.  There's no way we can all take a trip across the country to her new state to let her see SS for a couple hours.  We also don't trust the guy she's moving with since he spanks (with objects) the son of hers that isn't his when he doesn't do what he wants.  We don't believe in corporal punishment, ESPECIALLY for SS who wouldn't understand why he was being beat.  Her boyfriends have beat SS in the past, one during a haircut because SS was moving (he was 3) - leading to a huge fear of haircuts.  We can't let her have SS if we aren't in town to pick him up within minutes.     

We have always given her the dates we would be back in town and offered to pay for her hotel if she wanted to come here to visit.  Until we forced her to see SS last month, she hadn't seen him in a year and a half.  She saw him a total of 4 hours during the 3.5 weeks we were back home in June. 

CFjo2010

I agree with PP's, BM clearly isn't that concerned.  

The only area I differ in opinion is I think the CO should get modified soon to reflect the current living situations.  That way everyone is on the same page and everyone knows what to expect.  You really don't want BM demanding to see SS on a weekend that is technical hers per the CO and then having a fight about it.  I think it would be a good idea to revisit the CO with BM and figure out visits and holidays.

CFjo2010

ZappyBride said:

A great place to ask this would be the blended families board on ****.

Um, this is just stupid.  If you aren't going to offer advice, then please don't post.  

K thanks bye.

KTdidit

ZappyBride said:

A great place to ask this would be the blended families board on ****.

Who are you? And who are the people who "loved" your comment? Tacky.

To OP: I agree with PP's, she obviously doesnt care. Especially if she hadn't seen her son in over a year unbtil you forced her to see him. AS for the CO, I'm split. At first it seems like getting a new CO to reflet everyone's new locations makes sense, to agree on any visitation she may want before it comes up. On the other hand, I think since she obviously doesn't really want to see him then there's no point in getting a new CO. It seems you could put in there one day a year and she still wouldn't live up to it. And if she wanted to be a total PITA she could drag it out and fight for visitation in her location. All for nothing if she isn't going to take it.

You know her personality best, would she go along with a new CO with no problems? Does she admit that she doesn't care to see SS? Or would she fight it, in order to look good and make your lives hell?

Cheerilee

jobalchak said:

I agree with PP's, BM clearly isn't that concerned.  

The only area I differ in opinion is I think the CO should get modified soon to reflect the current living situations.  That way everyone is on the same page and everyone knows what to expect.  You really don't want BM demanding to see SS on a weekend that is technical hers per the CO and then having a fight about it.  I think it would be a good idea to revisit the CO with BM and figure out visits and holidays.

This is what we're planning on doing when we have a permanent living situation.  We could possibly be back in the town she currently lives in 3-4 months.  With that being the case, the old CO would be legit if she's still living there.  Getting a new CO WILL come to a court fight because she is BSC.  DH has sole physical/legal custody and she'll want to change that which is NOT Ok.  We only want to pay an attorney once.  

CFjo2010

Cheerilee said:

jobalchak said:

I agree with PP's, BM clearly isn't that concerned.  

The only area I differ in opinion is I think the CO should get modified soon to reflect the current living situations.  That way everyone is on the same page and everyone knows what to expect.  You really don't want BM demanding to see SS on a weekend that is technical hers per the CO and then having a fight about it.  I think it would be a good idea to revisit the CO with BM and figure out visits and holidays.

This is what we're planning on doing when we have a permanent living situation.  We could possibly be back in the town she currently lives in 3-4 months.  With that being the case, the old CO would be legit if she's still living there.  Getting a new CO WILL come to a court fight because she is BSC.  DH has sole physical/legal custody and she'll want to change that which is NOT Ok.  We only want to pay an attorney once.  

Well, if BM tries to make a big ordeal out of getting the CO modified at least you and DH have it documented that she isn't seeing SS.  I totally understand not wanting the Court battle, and I think in your situation it might be fine to leave it as is since she isn't using any of it.  What a frigging pain!!

Cheerilee

@jobalchak  It's always been a huge pain with her.  However, she mostly leaves us alone unless she has drama to tell DH.  DH listens to it (i.e. BF hit me, I got drunk and hit a mailbox, etc.) and documents so we have it.  I'm thankful she's not pushed for her COed visitation.  She's actually not had unsupervised visits for almost 4 years.  The supervised visits ended, but she still doesn't take them.

@piffle42   I'm sure they do have visitation guidelines.  However, it's not even safe for SS to have what is recommended.  It's really hard since he's nonverbal and can't say what's going on, can't talk to us when she has him, can't stand up for himself period.  BM believes vaccines caused his autism and wants to have all sorts of effed up procedures done to "cure" the autism.  She's already told us she'd have them done if she had him instead of us.  Between those threats, the abusive boyfriends, the drinking and drug use...