newbie intro and a (most likely) rambling panic attack

Hegi627

I've been a Bump lurker since I opened my Knot account! First, the background...hubs and I are 26 (I am 3 weeks older but its not as big of a deal as he makes it out to be! lol), married 4 years, high school sweethearts. We have survived a crazy ex, a deployment, and an ill-timed bout with unemployment. We are wanting to start TTC (did I use that properly? All these acronyms are hard!) next month, about the same time we put our house on the market. Crazy, right? We have money in savings (4 months of expenses, and its growing every week), our only outstanding debt (besides the house) are student loans, and we both work at solid jobs.
The only problem is I'm nervous. Mind you, saying that I have babies on the brain is quite possibly the biggest understatement ever. I am obsessed with the thought of being a mother. I look at my husband and know that he will be a fantastic father. I have 3 nieces and a nephew, and when I look at them I can't wait to give them a cousin. But I just want to be sure that starting this journey into conception is being done for the right reasons and at the right time. I don't want to be TTC just because I am ready to be a mother if the timing is wrong. Hubs has always been the grounding rod for me. When I start getting emotional because everyone but me is pregnant (obviously not true) or angry because I am the only one in my family who went about this the 'right' way, why am i being punished (none of my sisters are married) he is there to gently remind me of the things we wanted to achieve before we started a family. And we have knocked every damn one of them off the list, except moving home to OH. But I knew that all my baby talk was annoying my husband, so I went cold turkey. Not a non niece or nephew related baby conversation for the last 3 months.
Then out of the blue he says he is ready. He wants to start trying next month. Starts talking about ovulation and my 'cycle' and God knows what else. So we did an excited dance around the bedroom (not that excited dance, an actual dance!) and he went to work and I went to bed. The next morning, I start having those weird second thoughts you get when you thought you really wanted to ride in the front seat of the roller coaster but now you're strapped in and you think it may have been a bad idea. Was he just agreeing to this to please me? Was he really ready to start a family? Did I want to add the stress of being pregnant onto the stress of moving 1500 miles away? Ugh. I'm not really sure what the point of this post was, but I'm happy to be here! I'll keep you guys posted on this crazy journey!

MarieF2

I think being nervous is totally normal. Its a big deal. But i think you can only prepare so much and then you just have to jump. There is always a reason to push back TTC or wait for a better time, so if you're ready do it and deal with everything else as it comes! Good luck!

Hegi627

Thanks ladies! Nicb13,  we have talked about it, and he assures me he is ready. He also reminded me of my overwhelming urge to over analyze. So we are taking your advice Marie...closing our eyes and jumping in with both feet. I bought some prenatals today and scheduled a preconception appointment with my doctor!! Eeek!!!

rainbowmkr1979

I experienced something very similar. I'd been ALL OVER the idea of babies for months. Then one day he says "stop taking your pill." And then for about a week I kept taking them because then I was stressed and nervous. He even told me he would throw my pills out for me if I needed him to. Lol. Good luck to y'all!

bugandbibs

rainbowmkr1979 said:

I experienced something very similar. I'd been ALL OVER the idea of babies for months. Then one day he says "stop taking your pill." And then for about a week I kept taking them because then I was stressed and nervous. He even told me he would throw my pills out for me if I needed him to. Lol. Good luck to y'all!

Your boyfriend was going to throw away your BC to make you ttc when you weren't sure yet? Is he always this controlling?

Hegi627

bugandbibs said Your boyfriend was going to throw away your BC to make you ttc when you weren't sure yet? Is he always this controlling? I don't think she meant that he was controlling, I'm assuming she meant that (like my husband) he was willing to step in to help her take that next step because he knows that she will obsess and over analyze and stress but really deep down want to throw them away. rainbow...our husbands must know each other! haha

Babi2comingSoon2014

i think you guys have been through the fires and back, becoming parents is very joyus (scary, nerve racking,oh yeah) what new experience isnt? i think good luck to the both of yous!!!
@Rainbow- ha ha... men! such sweet beasts

rainbowmkr1979

My fiancé was doing just that Hegi! Lol! He knew I really did want to start trying but his abrupt turn around threw me for a loop! He actually told me to stop taking them 3 days before he proposed to me. He said after that he knew we were moving forward and was ready to go full speed ahead. Our wedding date is set for Oct. so even if we did get KU before I'll not be showing much yet by then and still fit in my dress :-) They definitely must know each other!

bugandbibs

Jessiejam said:

I experienced something very similar. I'd been ALL OVER the idea of babies for months. Then one day he says "stop taking your pill." And then for about a week I kept taking them because then I was stressed and nervous. He even told me he would throw my pills out for me if I needed him to. Lol. Good luck to y'all!

Your boyfriend was going to throw away your BC to make you ttc when you weren't sure yet? Is he always this controlling?

Pull the pole out of your ass will you, that's clearly not what she was saying.

Troll much? I feel special you made an account just for me

DallasX

I'm not a troll, I am new, I had issues with my log in so my name has changed.