First Period After Loss

bunnycakes011508

I haven't actually gotten my period yet- it'll probably be anywhere between a couple days and a week, but the past 5 days I've had PMS from h***. My hormones have gone super crazy and I can feel I'm back on my normal cycle. This has been eliciting a super strong emotional response from me. Any day I'll begin bleeding again. I can't stand that thought at all. 

Every time I think about seeing that g**d*** blood again I get flashbacks to last time I saw it. I'm drowning in memories of screaming and cursing at drivers, bawling my eyes out, rubbing my belly- begging the baby to stay, promising I'll take care of it, that everything will be alright. I can't stand driving that route anymore as it is. The bleeding hasn't even started yet and I'm inconsolable. 

It's frustrating because after our loss we went on a pre-planned trip to see a bunch of family and friends and we got to see so many of their kids and babies and it really helped us and we felt sad, but at peace. After a week or two all the dreams about babies, children, and adoption stopped (now they're back.) Then this stupid PMS starts up and my emotions crash down on us all over again. It's reawakened my husband's grief as well and he's gotten depressed all over again. We're really a mess. I don't know what I'll do the day it hits. I'm just really hoping it's on a day I don't work, 'cause I don't know how I'll get myself to go in.

That stupid, stupid blood! Did anyone else have this? What can I do?

Dixon813

I'm so sorry - I didn't have the emotions you're talking about, but like @mrsgerman, it was terrible reminder that I wasn't pregnant.  And I did have a pretty heavy flow.

Hugs to you...

shandorfml2

I was sad when I got my first pp period, but still in shock really... My after birth bleeding was four weeks, then 11 weeks after my daughter was born I had first period. Are you in counseling or have a support group?

cawettig

It killed me when I had my first period after. Brought back all of the painful memories of bleeding after Arianna. Hang in there. It's really hard and we are here for you.

angelsnight

Ticker warning

Everyone reacts so differently and I am so sorry you're dreading it.  I was actually happy when I got my first PP period because my body was not working at all before I got pregnant.  MH and I wanted to try again soon and a PP period meant we could.

I did however get very sad when my bleeding after delivery stopped....well it didn't stop for a month but it went from bright red heavy flow to brown moderate flow after less than a week and that made me so sad and I really don't know why.  My only guess was because my body seemed to be moving on but my mind was soooo not ready to, especially after just a week.  Big hugs to you.

bunnycakes011508

Thank you everyone. It's so weird. No blood yet, but my hormones have evened out a lot. Sigh. I guess my body is refiguring itself out again. I'm still nervous. Of course they didn't calm until after they distracted me so much that I slammed my hand in the car door and closed it on a finger- breaking it. I was just so upset and distracted I wasn't paying attention. 

@shandorfml2- I'm not really in a group or anything. Luckily I have the most patient, even-tempered husband in the world and my friends and family have been extremely helpful and comforting. 

Plus actually having all you ladies really helps too. So thank you everyone again.