I haven't actually gotten my period yet- it'll probably be anywhere between a couple days and a week, but the past 5 days I've had PMS from h***. My hormones have gone super crazy and I can feel I'm back on my normal cycle. This has been eliciting a super strong emotional response from me. Any day I'll begin bleeding again. I can't stand that thought at all.
Every time I think about seeing that g**d*** blood again I get flashbacks to last time I saw it. I'm drowning in memories of screaming and cursing at drivers, bawling my eyes out, rubbing my belly- begging the baby to stay, promising I'll take care of it, that everything will be alright. I can't stand driving that route anymore as it is. The bleeding hasn't even started yet and I'm inconsolable.
It's frustrating because after our loss we went on a pre-planned trip to see a bunch of family and friends and we got to see so many of their kids and babies and it really helped us and we felt sad, but at peace. After a week or two all the dreams about babies, children, and adoption stopped (now they're back.) Then this stupid PMS starts up and my emotions crash down on us all over again. It's reawakened my husband's grief as well and he's gotten depressed all over again. We're really a mess. I don't know what I'll do the day it hits. I'm just really hoping it's on a day I don't work, 'cause I don't know how I'll get myself to go in.
That stupid, stupid blood! Did anyone else have this? What can I do?