Nickname Debate with Co-Worker

MrMrsandBaby

This morning, my co-worker and I had a debate about giving our daughters names that have obvious nicknames.  Her daughter is Brianna (Bree) and mine is Allison.  She asked if everyone called her Allie and didn't believe me when I told her no one does.  I guess people started calling her daughter Bree and it stuck but she prefers the full name. She doesn't get that we basically told people NO when they called DD Allie.  She thinks it is rude.

Because DH and I call her Allison, I guess everyone just gave up on Allie.  We don't like the nn so why use it?  When we told people her name and they asked what we were going to call her I replied with "isn't that the same question?"  So I think they got the hint right away...

Have any of you found that your LOs were given a NN that you don't like or didn't particularly want?  I'm just wondering because our hypothetical name (Katherine) has so many NNs but DH and I don't like any of them except Kate and we already have a Kate in the family. (of course, as she gets older, if she decides to use a NN that is fine)

Sorry this is so long...

Dr.Loretta

Nope. DD has a strongly Gaelic name that doesn't lend itself to NNs. My mom suggested one that wasn't really a NN at all, and I said, "Or you could call her by her full name." That was the end of that.

FWIW, I don't find it rude that you told people you were going to call her Allison and they followed suit. If you don't want to use a NN, just don't have people use it, and your child can decide on a NN (if any) for themselves when they're older. Kind of like that new back to school commercial where the girl changes her NN 5 times in the span of the ad.

MrMrsandBaby

I love that commercial!  Cracks me up...that was totally me in school but with spellings!

PinkLillyLover

I have a niece that's Allison and no one ever calls her Allie.  Very weird your co-worker doesn't believe you.  It is definitely not rude of you to tell people that your daughter goes by her full name and not a nickname.

MMason12

I think it's completely okay for you to tell people not to call your child a nn you do not like!  I know that there are a few nn's that my DH really does not like and we will have no problem doing exactly what you did. 

I think it's weird your co-worker would be so offended that you would ask people to call your DD by her full name and not a nn. 

KatFCo

It's not rude at all for you to expect people to call your children the names you chose. My nephew is named after his father, and he has been CJ since the womb. At first my college-know-it-all self thought it was really dumb to call a child by letters and not a name, but that's what my sister insisted he was going to be called, so that's who he is. It's the parents' right.

I do think some names are more commonly put into nicknames than others. DD is Abigail and people always ask if she's Abby, which she is. If you choose a name like Katherine, people might try to give her a nickname, but there's nothing wrong with politely correcting them.

bumpuser9353653

No, I don't think it's rude to insist the use of your DD's full name - as long as you aren't correcting people in a defensive tone or rude manner.  When she's old enough to pick a NN for herself, if she chooses to go by a NN that's what she'll prefer and that's fine. You can still call her by her full name. 

DH and I really like the name Tobias for a boy, but hate Tobi/Toby.  If we use it one day, we'll be calling him Tobias - no NN (maybe "T" will sneak in there from time to time, but not officially)

nicholssquared

I named DS1 Nathanael. I LOVE Nathanael. I DETEST Nathan, Nate, and Nat. All of them. DH and I called him Nathanael in front of other people, and if anyone ever said anything else, we would use his full name at the next opportunity as a subtle correction. As a result, he is now two and nobody calls him anything but Nathanael.

Vincent is the same way. He goes by his full name, not Vince or Vinnie. When DH and I called him Vincent, everyone followed suit or was corrected.

Therefore, I would NOT advise to not select a full name because one doesn't like the obvious nicknames that follow from it. If the parents routinely and consistently use the full name then there is no chance that a nickname will become more prevalent in use than the full name.

katags

Joy2611 said:

I think your coworker is weird for saying it's rude to determine what people call your kid. 

My sister in law is Kathryn.  Just Kathryn.  Never anything else.  She's 26.  It can be done!

I am Kathryn and have been Kathryn since kindergarten. It was never a problem until I started working. Most people will call you by the name you introduce.

I dealt with customers (and coworkers) daily that could not understand that I wanted to be called Kathryn. Everyone tried to shorten it to Kathy, which I hate. Typical customer phone call: "This is Kathryn." "Hi, Kathy" "Oh, it's actually Kathryn, how can I help you?" "Blah blah blah... Bye Kathy." I now go by Kate in the workplace.

macska3

I have a friend who's named Alison, and she never goes by any nicknames.

I don't think it's rude to correct people.

I love the name Alexandra, but not many of the nicknames. If I used it, I'd correct people and only call her Alexandra.

Scarlett&Gatsby

It's not rude to insist on a full name over a nickname. It's weird your coworker would argue with you over that. What other people call your kid is all dependent on how adamant you are (and, obviously, what name you chose).

In our situation...

We chose DD1's name because Monica doesn't have any natural nicknames. We ended up calling her Moni (rhymes with Bonnie) a good 40% of the time. Our family members followed suit, but nobody calls her Moni full-time. (I guess 'cause it's not a "real" nickname? Just a cutesy shortening?). I prefer Monica.

We thought the NNs were a plus for DD2's name, since it's unusual and she might want some more "normal" options. We call her any of a plethora of cutesy NNs throughout the day (and I go through phases where I really like calling her by a particular one, or by her full name)---but when it comes to conversations, even with family, she's (almost) always Tallulah. Even texting, where it'd be easier to shorten it, she's Tallulah. I actually prefer her full name to NNs, but I just can't help but NN an adorable kid. I do it on accident to the kids I watch (though I always make a point to call them by their preferred name in front of their parents, at least.)

(As a connected aside, my mom still gets mad about this time she and Dad were being introduced to a group, and sharing about themselves, and Dad said, "And we have two granddaughters---Monica and Tilly." Mom's very much "THAT'S NOT HER NAME," just because we don't really call her Tilly; but we've never asked anyone not to. The only NN I don't like is SIL calls her Tutu. None of us call her that but SIL. We've also never asked her not to; I feel bad since she came up with it herself and all, and I figure it's not sticking, anyway.)

NerdyLucy

Scarlett&Gatsby said:

 

(As a connected aside, my mom still gets mad about this time she and Dad were being introduced to a group, and sharing about themselves, and Dad said, "And we have two granddaughters---Monica and Tilly." Mom's very much "THAT'S NOT HER NAME," just because we don't really call her Tilly; but we've never asked anyone not to. The only NN I don't like is SIL calls her Tutu. None of us call her that but SIL. We've also never asked her not to; I feel bad since she came up with it herself and all, and I figure it's not sticking, anyway.)

Hah!  As long as she doesn't do it when your daughter is an adult and wants to go by Tilly.

 

My FI's name is Joseph, but he tends to go by Joe to people outside of his family.  He even introduces himself as Joe.

Having said that, his grandma almost has a cow everytime someone calls him Joe instead of Joseph.  I've actually heard her correct adults that call him Joe, and with a sterm voice, not in a sweet way. He's had to pull her aside and inform her that he introduced himself that way.

I mean, we're 29. I'm pretty sure he can go by whatever nn he wants at this age.

Empireceo

I don't think insisting your daughter is called by her given name is rude at all.  

FWIW, one of the reasons I had such a hard time choosing my son's name is because I detest male names that get diminutive nicknames, e.g. John --> Johnny, Daniel --> Danny....It's like, why name your kid one name if you always plan on calling him/her something else?

evaazalea

I have the opposite problem, I went ahead with naming DS Tyler because I love Ty, unfortunately he doesn't and gets mad at me or anyone else that calls him Ty. The only exception is his baby sister, he allows only her to call him TyTy.

LtlAngL

I understand what you mean completely, and agree that most people will call a child whatever you introduce him/her as. I know several Allisons and Brianna's that use their full FN's, and no one attempts to give them a nickname.

Our son is named Dominic, and everyone automatically tries to call him Dom. I always tell them "Dom is a big boy name...he could be Dom in high school...for now, we're sticking with Dominic." That said, daddy calls him "Big D," but it hasn't caught on.

BeachBum73

My daughter's name is Kate and I was worried that people would call her Katie (I'm not a fan) but it hasn't been an issue.  Even now that she's in school I thought her friends would call her Katie but so far, they haven't.   There was one time when I took her to the doc and the nurse called for Katie.  Since there were 2 waiting rooms (well/sick) and other people, I didn't jump up until she said it again and I said "you mean Kate"?  I hate when people make that assumption.

Fluffycakes

I know a 1 year old Alexander.  His parents call him only by his whole name and frowned upon anyone calling him by a nn.  I can see him deciding later to go by Alex, AJ, or Xander with his friends at school. 

Some names get shortened without being an actual nickname too.  I know a girl named Tracy that will answer to Tra, but of course it isn't a nn.  She obviously wouldn't introduce herself as Tra, even though she doesn't mind it.

blu-eyedwife

So my full name has a ton of nicknames.  I always use Elizabeth as an example because it's similar, although not my name.

My parents named me Elizabeth because they liked the name Liz.  They always intended to call me Liz and didn't like any of the other nicknames.  That being said, they called me Lizzie for a lot of my childhood until I decided it was too baby-ish and started going by Liz.  I was never Elizabeth or any other nickname derived from that.  When I began my professional career, I appreciated having Elizabeth as a full name because it sounded more serious and I go by Elizabeth professionally, although many men still call me Lizzie and I correct them.

My son has a name that lends itself to a nickname, like Daniel/Danny.  I alternate between the two, but usually call him Daniel.  He calls himself Danny, although he recognizes his name as Daniel.  I don't correct people who call him Danny because it's what he calls himself.

His friend Michael only goes by Michael.  Even though they're not quite 2 .  I spoke with his mother about it a couple weeks ago when I was thinking that many Michaels I know go by Mike.  But it's because the parents call him Michael, the teachers call him Michael, and he calls himself Michael, so it wouldn't occur to anyone to call him anything else.

erb82

My older daughter is Rosemary and I have several family members who call her Rose or Rosie. Conversely, my daughter, Elizabeth, goes exclusively by Betsy and those same people insist on calling her Elizabeth. I just keep politely correcting them. I don't care if they think I'm being rude, I think they're being rude!

ho11yday

I really don't like one of DS's NNs but I don't correct family from using it (primarily MIL/SILs).  I figure if he doesn't like it, he'll correct them just as I did when I didn't like the NN my grandmother gave me.

On the other hand, if friends or distant relatives called him by the NN, I'd correct them gently.  However, no one other than MIL/SILs have called him by this NN.

gnomemom

I don't understand why your coworker would go along with a NN she doesn't like. My DS is Roman, and I had to set a few people straight when he was born that we were not going to call him Romy. Some people, like my mom, thought Roman was too big of a name for a baby. Now, everyone calls him Roman and anything else just wouldn't feel right.

artistlife

I think NNs are personal. Where I grew up, most everyone went by their given names and only those close to them called them the nn. For instance, DS is Jackson. We call him Jack or Jack-Jack at home. Our close friends and family also call him Jack, but at school and when meeting new people he is Jackson.

So, no, I do not think it rude for you to ask people not to use nn. It also isn't appropriate for anyone to assume they can call you another name besides the one you were given.

WookieesCookies

People are weird. For some reason they nicknamed my son Luke to Lucas. The point is shortening it but they make it longer. I don't like it because I did not name him Lucas!

amberrrjade

I'm on your side. I've already made it clear that if anyone calls Marlena Marley I will punch them in the throat. I hate Marley. Her name is MARLENA. It's not that hard to say the whole name. And honestly if people shorten it to Lena or Leni. I won't mind. Just not Marley, ugh! 

However, I plan on calling her Chibi.  

ETA: Also, I work in childcare and usually give all my kids nicknames (just as like a special connection between us) and I've had a parent or two actually start using the nicknames too. Example: Paisley turned PaiPai. Thearn turned Thearbear. Kaelyn is now my Little Gaga. And we've had parents specifically ask not to call their children by nns and we oblige, it's not really a big deal to call a kid by their actual name if that's a parents wish.

erika_sue

My daughter is Alyson and rarely goes by Ally. I wouldn't mind if she did, but we always introduce her as Alyson and introduces herself that way as well. My brother is Jacob and no one ever called him Jake until he got to high school and played baseball. Now he prefers it, and I actually have a hard time referring to him Uncle Jake to my kids instead of Uncle Jacob