MIL Insists on Used Carseat

lorelaie10

For mobile bumpies: MIL Insists on Used Carseat

Kinda ranty, sorry.

Ug. My MIL is insisting on using a used car seat that a friend gave her. I have told her multiple times that I'm not comfortable with that but she says, "It's just the little kind of carseat it will be fine." I'm not even sure what that means!!! My husband says we will just buy her the base for ours (Britax B-Safe) and force her to put it in her car but I know that there is no changing her mind when she gets an idea in her head. They have three cars so I know the used carseat will be installed in one of them. If it gets to that point, I guess we will just have to say the child will not ever ride with them. So frustrating. I know she had a baby 34 years ago, but things have changed. I'm a FTM and still figuring most of this out myself, but that is like the ONE thing you are told not to do. Also, she is insisting on using an antique crib at her house rather than a pack and play or anything else. Grr.

*blue*flower*

Is your MIL providing childcare full time? If not I see no reason she even needs a seat or carseat base. Strange for sure.

JuneBug86

Buy her a car seat of her own and tell her straight up that you don't want her using the used car seat. If she still insists, refuse to leave the baby with her. Your baby, your rules. She's probably just trying to save you money but you'll have to explain to her that things have changed since she's had kids.

kjenkins346

If she can't respect your wishes about the safety of your baby, then I wouldn't EVER give her the opportunity to use the old/used car seat.  Same thing with crib vs pack n play.  If you don't think it's safe, bring your own in case LO needs to go down for a nap while you are visiting and never leave LO at her house otherwise. This is definitely something that I would stand my ground on, it's not a preference issue, it's a safety issue.  If MIL asks why she isn't being left alone with LO, tell her flat out that it's because she refuses to follow modern safety guidelines and you aren't going to risk the health of your baby just to appease her ego that she knows better.

*blue*flower*

Since I can't edit, definitely stand your ground on not using the seat. What do you know about it? Could it be expired? Who did she get it from? I'm not comfortable with used car seats at all. Tell her if she can't respect your feelings for a safety item for your baby then she won't be driving anywhere with baby.

CousinVicki

well i don't get it. have you seen the seat? is it not 'expired'?  Was it never in an accident? 

 it's quite possible it is a totally fine carseat to use.

pmarie33

CousinVicki said:

well i don't get it. have you seen the seat? is it not 'expired'?  Was it never in an accident? 

 it's quite possible it is a totally fine carseat to use.

Agreed.  Until you know for sure - don't get so upset.  

The crib thing too - Have you seen it, touched it, tried to manhandle it?

blondolphn

Even if the carseat looks fine you do not know if it has EVER been in an accident. That makes a huge difference in how will hold up. Also, most people just assume that there hasn't been any safety recalls, but there could have been. Years ago when I was a certified tech I surprised a lot of people with a variety of recalls such as a newer user manual to additional straps to just flat out get your kid out of the carseat asap! If she has a hard time affording a new one, look to see if any of your local health departments have any safety programs where they have free/cheap carseats. We did ours on a sliding scale.

norbert5

I agree with @cousinvicki. There could be a possibility it is totally fine. My MIL got a used carseat from a friend that was not expired, very clean, and I knew who it came from.

Same thing with the crib. Print out a list of safety guidelines and make sure the crib fits those. If it doesn't, show your MIL why it is is unsafe and let her know she will need to use something else.

We use an antique bassinet but it still follows all the guidelines of the safety standards.

kimbo1216

First of all, you don't have to have the base.  The base is just an added convenience.  The seat is perfectly safe when properly installed without the base using a seat belt.  This is what we did for DD when she was in a car without a base since only mine and DH's had the base.

Second.  Your baby.  Your rules.  YH needs to make sure she knows baby is not allowed in the used car seat since you don't know it's accident history.  Any car seat in an accident, even minor ones, is generally considered unsafe and should be replaced.  If you don't trust your MIL's friend or MIL that it has never been in an accident, then tell her it is absolutely not an option.

Besides.  She won't need her own car seat until you switch baby from an infant carrier to a convertible seat.  Then she can just pick up a Cosco Scenera or something to have for her cars.

lorelaie10

The crib is not so much of an issue for me now. When he can stand, it might become one, but it was just another example of her doing what she thinks is best without really thinking things through.

I haven't seen the carseat and don't know if it is expired, however, the child from which it came is 4 years old, so it is at least that old. From everything that I have read, a used carseat is a no-no from a safety standpoint. Even if it has never been in an accident, the plastic can be old and brittle, or it could have been recalled.

pmarie33 said:

CousinVicki said:

well i don't get it. have you seen the seat? is it not 'expired'?  Was it never in an accident? 

 it's quite possible it is a totally fine carseat to use.

Agreed.  Until you know for sure - don't get so upset.  

The crib thing too - Have you seen it, touched it, tried to manhandle it?

pmarie33

Kate101080 said:

The crib is not so much of an issue for me now. When he can stand, it might become one, but it was just another example of her doing what she thinks is best without really thinking things through.

I haven't seen the carseat and don't know if it is expired, however, the child from which it came is 4 years old, so it is at least that old. From everything that I have read, a used carseat is a no-no from a safety standpoint. Even if it has never been in an accident, the plastic can be old and brittle, or it could have been recalled.

pmarie33 said:

CousinVicki said:

well i don't get it. have you seen the seat? is it not 'expired'?  Was it never in an accident? 

 it's quite possible it is a totally fine carseat to use.

Agreed.  Until you know for sure - don't get so upset.  

The crib thing too - Have you seen it, touched it, tried to manhandle it?

So check to see if it's been recalled.  

A car seat expires after 6 years if not been in an accident.  

blondolphn

If your Mom still insists on using it after you have looked at (even you even want to bother with it), then I would accidentally cut the straps off... so she can't use it.

kimbo1216

pmarie33 said:

Kate101080 said:

I haven't seen the carseat and don't know if it is expired, however, the child from which it came is 4 years old, so it is at least that old. From everything that I have read, a used carseat is a no-no from a safety standpoint. Even if it has never been in an accident, the plastic can be old and brittle, or it could have been recalled.

So check to see if it's been recalled.  

A car seat expires after 6 years if not been in an accident.  

@Kate101080, DD1's car seat was used.  It came from my sister, a trusted source.  I knew it hadn't been re-called (something that is easily verifyable with a simple google search).  And I knew it didn't expire.  Not all used car seats are bad.  You just need to know if you can trust the source and whether or not they are within date range.  It sounds to me like you just don't want her in this seat regardless of how good it may be or not.  And that's fine.  Like I said before.  Your baby.  Your choice.

Again though, you already mentioned you are using a Britax infant carrier.  There will be no reason for your MIL to have her own car seat until your LO is in a convertible as the carrier will go every where with her.


@pmarie33, FYI...Some car seats expire after 5.  Newer ones can be longer.  It just depends on the manufacturer.  But all seats should have an expiration date on them so you know for sure.

Weljadraak

blondolphn said:

If your Mom still insists on using it after you have looked at (even you even want to bother with it), then I would accidentally cut the straps off... so she can't use it.

"accidentally"

CousinVicki

blondolphn said:

If your Mom still insists on using it after you have looked at (even you even want to bother with it), then I would accidentally cut the straps off... so she can't use it.

cuckoo!

blondolphn

It would be one one of those, I was washing it up and the straps broke kind of things, damn.

And call me cuckoo, but adults do tend to lie as well or forget about small fender benders.  If it is close to the expiration date it isn't even worth trying to use it for the little life it has left.

CousinVicki

all this stellar advice is probably coming from people who forward face at 1 year.

BrittanyCupcakes

We're getting a used infant car seat. It was my niece's, and I know the car was never involved in an accident in the short time they used it. My niece hated the seat, and my sister upgraded to a convertible pretty quickly. I have no problem with this since I know the history of the seat.

I did see a TON of people selling used car seats on craigslist, and that just seemed idiotic. 

If you don't trust the source, it's not worth the risk. As for the crib, they can always be refinished if you worry about lead paint. 

kjenkins346

quartermisses said:

Yup. I fully support you in the "hey, mil, you either get rid of that used car seat or my kid will not be going in the car with you/staying with you without a parent around because I can't trust you to follow my wishes" talk. 

 

I agree, this seems like a conversation that may need to happen anyway so why not get it out of the way when you have the safety issue to back you up vs "just" decisions you and DH have made about your baby and how you want it raised, fed, etc.

Fruitcove7

My MIL could not believe that on the ride home I would not be holding the baby! WTF! This kid will never be riding in a car with her!

taylormarie923

I would probably accept the car seat from her then take it to the biannual trade in event at Babies R Us to put towards the purchase of a brand new car seat.

Weljadraak

Fruitcove7 said:

My MIL could not believe that on the ride home I would not be holding the baby! WTF! This kid will never be riding in a car with her!

Hey, Britney Spears did it! #rolemodel

--halo--

I'm really surprised that so many of you are like "it's fine unless you know it has been in an accident." When it's the exact opposite. Its NOT fine, unless you know it has NOT been in an accident.

I would definitely voice my concerns and not use the seat.

tbug082810

Regardless if the seat is "fine"-- you have the right to say no. There are a ton of factors that could make a seat no longer safe-- like incorrectly cleaning the straps, being dropped hard, small & minor fender benders, etc. The fact is, if you don't trust the person who the seat is coming from with your child's life, its not worth it. It also sounds like it might be very close to expiring anyway. Good luck with your decision!  

sisterindigo

Is the crib an actual antique or like a Craigslist POS?
I think antiques are legit, if its something that's been made like the damn pyramids. however if its like some rickety shit from a garage sale i would chop it into fire wood while she's not looking.
For the carseat, maybe try sending her some articles written by doctors that say not to use an old car seat.

norbert5

https://www.cpsc.gov/Business--Manufacturing/Business-Education/Business-Guidance/Full-Size-Baby-Cribs/

This link has information to see if the crib is safe.  There is obviously a big difference between antique and like pp mentioned a Craiglist POS.

You shouldn't worry about the carseat because the one you are using should be able to go in her car without a base and she won't need to install hers. 

https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/car-seat-safety/MY00824

This link has a safety list to use while picking out a car seat.  It does discuss used car seats.  However this point could be moot if it has been recalled or over 6 years old.

I will be honest and say I am pretty laid back mom.  But when it comes down to it you are the mom and if you aren't comfortable, despite how crazy some people are, they do listen to you.  Especailly if you don't have a constant stream of outlandish demands and this one, not using the car seat, is not that outlandish.  I am pretty sure your MIL will understand.  Especially if you give her options like the trade-in event or even show her the statistics of how used car seats are not as good as new ones in some cases.

RunningGal900

tbug082810 said:

Regardless if the seat is "fine"-- you have the right to say no. There are a ton of factors that could make a seat no longer safe-- like incorrectly cleaning the straps, being dropped hard, small & minor fender benders, etc. The fact is, if you don't trust the person who the seat is coming from with your child's life, its not worth it. It also sounds like it might be very close to expiring anyway. Good luck with your decision!  

I agree. I'm really anal about my seat, how the straps are cleaned, cover cleaned, never checked as baggage, etc.

germanpickle

My parents in law are great but although we have shown them how to install the car seat 7 times, we caught them doing it wrong TWICE. So, we took the car seat away and they aren't allowed to drive PJ around. Full stop.

But I think the topic here is a lot more the fact that your MIL is NOT respecting you, your role as a mother, and her new role as a grandmother. No, you cannot tell her what to do in her home but you CAN decide when and if your child is there. Sadly you will have a lot of these conversations and it is up to you and your husband to set up a relationship dynamic that works for you as parents. It takes time but you can do that and have a positive relationship.

ohkay

My FI wanted to get a used carseat... And he's a PARAMEDIC and FIREFIGHTER. I told him he sounded like a complete idiot. I know carseats are good until a certain date, but how do you know they haven't been in wrecks? Why risk it? I agree with buying a base for her car, and putting your foot down if she attempts to use the used carseat. Your baby, your rules. Simple enough.

reederah

I think you're totally justified with your response. My in laws were using te car seat they had for my neice (who is 6) with my son and nephew until I checked it and saw it expired in 2009! I threw it out haha. But as other ladies said, used carseat aren't always evil, if you know the history and person who used last and it's not expired. That being said many people don't know the proper way to care for the seat, like you can't submerge the straps in water to wash them, only clean with a damp cloth, and how much the seat can be affected by a minor fender bender. So if it were me, i'd rather be safe than sorry, buy her a base and tell her that the baby doesn't ride unless he/she is in the seat you bought.