Late Term and Child Loss


I'm so angry right now.

I'm so mad that we have to start all over again.  That (hopefully) we will have the opportunity to once more go through 18 weeks of hell, with hope and prayers for a better outcome.

I'm so angry that it will literally be hell, that so much was taken from us, and that so much of the future has been taken from us unjustly.

I'm so angry at myself for feeling like I gave up on my little boy.  What if he just needed more time?  What if all the experts were wrong, and everything would have righted itself if we just gave it more time?

I'm so angry that at this time yesterday my uterus was full of life, and right now it's hollow.

I'm so angry that my husband now has to tell people that he's not going to be a dad.  That I now cringe whenever I see a father with his son.  I'm so angry that he has been robbed of this opportunity, that his son had to die.

I'm so angry that nothing will ever make this better.

Loss Blog (finally updated)


5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional.  5 BFPs.  My rainbow arrived 10/15/14.
TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.

Re: Anger

  • I am so sorry about your loss. Anger is still with me. It turns into jealous rages and angry blow outs a lot. I thought my anger would go away, it hasn't. Like mrsgerman said I think you can control or cope with the anger as time passes. Some times I hate how angry I feel, I was never like this before.
    I am going to tell you that therapy helps so much. I still blame myself for my daughters loss, dh said the other night that he still blames himself also. But the degree of blame decreases over time.

    Julius Justin - 11/07/2002 - 10 lbs 22 in 
    Isabella Genavieve - 02/03/05 - 7 lbs 11 oz 22 in 
    Arianna Kaitlynn - 04/10/2013 - 4 lbs 15 oz 15 in

    BFP 08/10/13 
    TWINS!!!! 09/01/13
    Miscarriage at 12 weeks lost baby B 
    Arianna diagnosed with an Ompalocele at 13 weeks
    Arianna our Angel on 04/10/13 
    BFP 07/20/13
    Our Rainbow due 03/18/14 

    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


  • I completely understand your anger. I have gone through SO many cycles of emotions over, and over, and over. Feeling angry is totally ok and completely normal. It is SO unfair that you were forced to make that decision about your son and he will never be here on Earth with you. Trust me, I am so angry at the disparity of it all. I ask myself every single day what I did to deserve this. I wonder if I had done something, ANYTHING differently that Ava would be here with me. I am so sorry for your anger and pain. It is justified to feel that way. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Hugs!!!

    Ava's Story
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    BFP#2 10/18/13  Blighted ovum 11/25/13

    BFP #3 1/31/14 EDD 10/18/14 -- It's a GIRL!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

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  • I am so sorry. :( It is so utterly infuriating. 
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