Told DH I think we need parenting classes.

Hopeforthebest

OHHH Geeze!

Last night my SS made reference to an animal cartoon character having "big boobs". He's almost 9.

I turned off the cartoon. It was something odd I didn't recognize.(The Regular Show is the title) I had been bathing SD and walked through the living room to my bedroom to get more Qtips; DH was indisposed, presumably that is how this show ended up on my t.v.

I told DH he needed to go read with SS as it was almost bed time and that he should talk to SS about the statement. HONESTLY I don't know what exactly I expected but SOMETHING.

After getting SD ready for bed and reading books, etc. I ask DH as we are retiring for the evening...how the talk went. HE DIDN'T bring it up AT ALL!!!

WTF dude?! So he genuinely says to me, he didn't know WHAT to say. So they just read and off to bed SS went. I told him I think we need some parenting classes and his response is "a lot of parenting is trial and error". Ummmm NO. We only have them 6 wks in summer and a few times through the year for holidays, our time has to count for something and we can't be effing up. RIGHT? RIGHT!

I've been with DH for a few years and around the kids.We've done fine, but boobs, yeah boys and boobs I have no idea how to handle. I didn't have brothers. I didn't babysit boys. YIKES.

 

Sunday924

I don't know if others will agree but I don't think it's really that big of a deal. Yeah DH should have told him that wasn't appropriate to say out loud but....

sweetwalks

I may be in the minority but I don't think it's that big of a deal either. I agree your DH or you when you turned the cartoon off could have or should have said "that isn't an appropriate thing to say out loud" "that's not a polite thing to say" etc.

When DS was 2 almost 3 that's how he recognized girls/boys. He would look at their chest. His great grandmother is smaller so for the longest time he would say she's a boy because he didn't see the physical indicator of a female.

I don't think it's something to freak over & rush to parenting classes. I know you only have them for a few weeks a year, but this isn't going to ruin your SS.

Ilumine

How hard was it to say to your SS "Dude, that is not an appropriate sentence."  You don't even have to explain why outside of the fact that you do not comment on people's appearance.  

I mean if he commented on someone's mole or missing appendage, what would have said?

ReeseFox

A lot of parenting is trial and error, though. A parenting class isn't going to give you finite procedures for every.litttle.thing you might encounter as a parent.

CurlyQ284

You need to go to parenting classes because SS said something about big boobs? I guess if that's your biggest problem you should count yourself lucky.

Hopeforthebest

Ilumine said:

How hard was it to say to your SS "Dude, that is not an appropriate sentence."  You don't even have to explain why outside of the fact that you do not comment on people's appearance.  

I mean if he commented on someone's mole or missing appendage, what would have said?

I get that. I guess in my own head I was thinking I had to/needed to explain, and I felt lacking in how to explain to a 9 year old boy why boob talk isn't appropriate.

CurlyQ284

Sorry I can't stop laughing about this. You are in for a rude awakening when he hits teen years and all he can think about are boobs. I suggest you invest in turtlenecks.

Ilumine

I am actually very pro-parenting classes, especially in blended family situations.  

Having an outside observer/professional there to help you work through your parenting differences makes a huge difference.  

WHY? Because when you are new parents and you are working through the trial&errors, you are experiencing these new things TOGETHER.  You do not have any preconceptions or experiences affecting you. 

Nor do you have outside influences, like BioParents or divorce guilts affecting your opinions and/or actions.  OR Stepparent hesitations over their positions stop you from doing somehting you think is right. 

Honestly, this is one of the top 3 reasons why I did not want to marry someone with kids.  I have seen this affect too many blended families. 

sweetie0228

This really isn't a clutch your pearls moment.  By 9yrs old he's already been inudated with sexual advertisments and passively absorbing the social standards of big breasts = beauty/sexy.

9 yrs old should be starting the talk w/ dad.  I'm personally a fan of a continuous open conversation, and my best conversations w/ the kids are in the car.  When stuff like that comes up naturally, such as that character has big boobs, sometimes just asking them what do you mean by that.  You'll find out they have no idea but are parroting what they've heard or think might be an appropriate comment.  Then you can pass on your standards and accurate knowledge.

I also don't put a taboo on body parts.  That person has a big nose is just as socially inappropriate to say as big boobs. Unless you're giving details to a police sketch artist.

I have a tolerate/ hate relationship w/ the Regular Show and Adventure Time.

On one hand I think it's highly inappropriate for children even for my 13 yr DS.  I think the writing and dialog puts an emphasis on rude remarks and sarcasm. Much like every "teen" show on disney and nickelodeon.  Where there are either no parents/authority figures or all the adults are complete morons.

On the other hand, I've found the regular show funny.  But this is the basic point, not all cartoons are for children. Just because it's animated doesn't give the parents a free pass to not evaluate.  I'm a huge anime fan.  I love animation and the story telling through it as an art form. Doesn't mean children should be seeing it.  I live near Philadelphia. We have a lot of historical and famous museums.  I'll take my kids to the Franklin Institute but I'm not taking them to the Mutter Museum both are science museums.  Doesn't mean both are appropriate for children.

 

Hopeforthebest

CurlyQ284 said:

Sorry I can't stop laughing about this. You are in for a rude awakening when he hits teen years and all he can think about are boobs. I suggest you invest in turtlenecks.

It's okay. I know it is ridiculous. I just feel more comfortable here talking to you guys about things.

I had already warned DH about the preteen/teen years with a boy and how I am a nervous wreck. The thought of catching/walking in on anything.....ewwww. 

 

CurlyQ284

My DS is 8 months old and he grabs his penis during diaper changes, plays with it and giggles. Its ingrained!

Yes knock and do NOT open the door until he says "come in". Lol

Hopeforthebest

CurlyQ284 said:

My DS is 8 months old and he grabs his penis during diaper changes, plays with it and giggles. Its ingrained! Yes knock and do NOT open the door until he says "come in". Lol

Ha Ha.. I told DH I'm going to walk slowly down the hall with a bull horn announcing my impending arrival.

 

Nineoceans

I mean I see where you are coming from. My SS is the same age and I would be a little horrified if he just said that mostly because its rude to comment about other people's bodies and I would worry he would embarrass a little girl and say something similar at school or in public without knowing it is inappropriate

I think you're right that Dh has to talk with him about it and if he can't he needs parenting classes because if he can't talk about what is appropriate and inappropriate to say about other people's bodies then how will he manage to have an honest and frank sex talk with his child in a few years (and I do mean few)?

Littlejen22

I don't get what you wanted your DH to say and if YOU wanted him to say something then you should have directed him in what to say. I agree with the others that said parentig classes would not help in this instance, I am not saying they are a bad idea but thy wont give you the answer to everything that comes up. And if you did not know what to say ten why are you mad that DH did not either? We're the boobs big? Was he wrong? Are you horrified that he noticed or that he said it out loud? It does not sound like he was being rude, just being observant. I would have just said those are comments that we keep to ourself and moved on.

Littlejen22

Am I the only one that has a biological son that would probably have agreed with him and moved on instead of being uncomfortable? And I can be very prudish about certain things but this was a simple observation, hell my boobs are huge so I get it.

CurlyQ284

Littlejen22 said:

Am I the only one that has a biological son that would probably have agreed with him and moved on instead of being uncomfortable? And I can be very prudish about certain things but this was a simple observation hell my boobs are huge so I get it.

My DS is just a baby and I'm flat chested so take all hat for what its worth but I would not have given it another thought. I probably would have chuckled and forgotten about it. It would exhaust me to have discussions over something this small. Or HUGE according to the SS lol.

sweetwalks

Littlejen22 said:

Am I the only one that has a biological son that would probably have agreed with him and moved on instead of being uncomfortable? And I can be very prudish about certain things but this was a simple observation, hell my boobs are huge so I get it.

I'm with ya! Big boobs so it doesn't phase me. I have a biological DS and he says some off the wall crazy things. I laugh it off unless its something serious and then I'll say to him that's not polite and we move on. I agree with Curly, getting worked up over this stuff would absolutely exhaust me.

fellesferie

I really agree with everyone about everything.

BUT I just wanted to add that parenting classes are a good thing. I don't think signing up for a parenting class should be something we do because we feel we're failing. 

We're doing family therapy with the child psychologist who is working with DS. It is theoretically strategies on dealing with his ADHD, but it is in reality parenting classes. We talk about stuff like motivations for bad behavior, positive and negative reinforcement, natural & logical consequences, etc. Some things the doc has said have been VERY illuminating. Others are things we already do, so it feels good to know we do some things well. 

DH and I have been thinking about doing a round of marriage counseling every few years as kind of a preventive thing. The main reason we have not is that I don't want to freak out my parents with the whole "can you watch the kids so we can go to therapy?" thing. 

As far as boobs, it is what it is. I'd probably say nothing. The only thing I might say is "you know it's not okay to say that about a real person standing in front of you, right?"