Let's talk age...anyone have a cut off?

BeckyP005

I will be 46 giving birth if this cycle works. Does anyone have a cut off age where they will stop? Just curious on what others are thinking. My boss knows someone who had a baby at 50 by herself and then I know 2 women who wouldn't go past 42.

I think my biggest fear is that pp might/will be judgemental. My MIL thinks I'm too old in her comments over the last year and we didn't even tell her what we are doing. My mom just told me the other day that I am crazy and why would I want a baby at my age. I would hope they will be excited if this happens.

Anyway I won't go on and on. So what are some of you thinking? Anyone trying at an older age? Do any of you want to stop at a certain age?

I do hop over on another forum sometimes and it's amazing...I'm young compared to some of them. We are talking 48-54. I wouldn't go that far but when they talk about their kids I could just feel the love that they have for them...some have been through so much!

rcbuko

I don't really have a cut off that I have really thought about but that's mostly because my family is pretty complete already and will be totally complete if we are able to have a fourth child.  I am 36 now and will be anywhere from almost 37 to 38 years old if we are successful in having a fourth.  My husband wants a fourth child very badly but if we are not successful within the next year or so I don't want to keep trying.  That said, that has more to do with the strain on my body (recurrent miscarriages) and career (very demanding) than my age.  

I always knew I wanted to be a mother and had an age where I would have TTC as a single mom had I not been in a committed relationship.  If I had turned 35 and still not had a child and not been married, I was going to go to a sperm bank or adopt.  I doubt I would have had three children as a single mother but I absolutely know I would have had one somehow.  

I hope your family comes around and is thrilled once you are able to announce your happy news.  I imagine that once they know it's happening, they will forget about the perceived problems of having a child later in life and will embrace the reality of being grandparents.  Good luck!

ammo126

That's a tough question.  I am 34 almost 35.  If I could not get pregnant and I had exhausted all my options I think I would stop trying then, no matter what my age was.  I don't think I would keep trying past 40. If I can not get pregnant in 5 years then maybe I am not meant to be a mother.  I know that women are waiting longer to have children and it's not uncommon to see a woman in her 40's giving birth.  I don't think age is the issue for me, it would just be knowing I had tried everything I could and it just wasn't going to happen.

jb2rn

I don't think there is a magic number. I have friends that think 30 is old. However, they met their husbands young, married young, and accomplished what they wanted to young. So children happened younger.

 

I married at 30 and didn't want children in the first year or so, we knew that. By the time we started to TTC, I had just turned 34. Had my son at 35.

 

So for ME, I will give myself another year to year and a half (38 or so) and if I can't get pregnant, which is the likely scenario, then we are done. Had I not met my husband until now, then I would say 40 or maybe 42.

 

Screw the people with the negative comments! I would always rather see a 40 something having a baby than a 20 year old, but maybe that is just me.

KateLouise

I think my cut off is 40, in terms of actively trying, but we already have children. I might feel differently if we didn't already have our girls.

MarylandWed

For us it's when we exhaust options. We just completed our first IVF cycle. I am 40 and we are in the two week wait. If we exhaust all the cycles we bought then we will go on to adoption. I can see the need to put an end point on the process though. It's agonizing and you feel like your life is somewhat on hold. I wouldn't want to be in limbo for too long.

BeckyP005

I know exhaustion is at any age but at 45 and putting in 11 hr days I'm feeling it.. lol. I'm nervous I will not be able to handle it but others somehow manage it!!

This will be our one and only shot. MH doesn't want to do a FET. He will not put more $ into this and I think I will sadly have to agree. Early 46 is my cutoff.

Maryland fx for you!!!!

jchow009

ammo126 said:

That's a tough question.  I am 34 almost 35.  If I could not get pregnant and I had exhausted all my options I think I would stop trying then, no matter what my age was.  I don't think I would keep trying past 40. If I can not get pregnant in 5 years then maybe I am not meant to be a mother.  I know that women are waiting longer to have children and it's not uncommon to see a woman in her 40's giving birth.  I don't think age is the issue for me, it would just be knowing I had tried everything I could and it just wasn't going to happen.

This!  I think I will know when I want to stop.  When I was younger I said to myself if I don't have a child by 40 then I won't.  And, here I am, just turned 40 and try to have my first kid.  And, you know the crazy thing is I have so many girlfriends are going through the same thing at the same age.  Some didn't even have a boyfriend and they just froze their eggs. 

QOTR

I haven't really put a deadline on it, but I think/hope by this time next year I'll either be pregnant or giving up on the idea.   In the beginning, we said we'd try for a year and if it didn't happen naturally, we'd give up.   Well, the year anniversary has whizzed passed and we're now considering DE.     So, our thoughts and ideas definitely change as we all go through the process I think.   I hope that as ammo said, that when I reach the point where I feel satisfied that I've tried everything we're willing to try, that I can have peace with stopping the process.

Geekywife

I know I will be willing to keep trying until mother nature let me know it won't happen. I do have a deadline of January for something related. We are going to start the effort towards adopting in January through the state. Even if we are pregnant or not. I always told myself that if I didn't have a child by 40 we would adopt. My husband doesn't want to wait that long so we start in January. I will only be 37.

HeathernSteven

I will be 41 in Jan, and DH will be 46, I didn't start ttc until I was 38 but I also didn't get married until 35.

I always said if I wasn't pregnant by 35 i wasn't having kids, this was before I met DH, met DH and suddenly at 38 i am like hey wait! I want children with you! We will be stopping by the end of this year, because DH doesn't want to be that "old" dad, if he were younger we probably would try longer.

 

CYBURRCHIC

Mine is 40. It depends on each persons stamina, health and outlook on life. I have met young 50 year olds and old 30 year olds. I would not let the negative talk into your head.

calibride2005

I'm 41 & my DH is 29....with that said, he wants another one know matter how old I am! However, I think my cutoff age will be 43. Hopefully, this will be my month, because ttcing is exhausting!!

RedInLove

We don't have a cutoff yet. We recently started to TTC for our first, so I think we wouldn't address this issue until either we have hit TTC 1 year, or have one child and are considering a 2nd. I'd like to be done having kids (2) around 40, but I honestly don't know what we'd want to do if we get to the point that we have to make that decision.

lauramanning77

I will be turning 37 in February and my boyfriend is turning 35 this week. I have a seizure disorder
so I am even more high risk with my medication. We have only been together for a little over a year but we have decided after the first of the year we are going to TTC. We are going to start to talk to both my primary doctor and neurologist to see what we need to do to prepare. My boyfriend and I wanted to be married before having children but we want to have a family and know it could take time to get pregnant. These groups have been really helpful.

eskimozie

My cut off is 40. It gets too risky for the child after that. I'm 35 now so we have a couple years yet, but if it doesn't happen then Charlie and I will become foster parents and he and my MIL will just have to be satisfied with that.

mindaa

I'm 36 and don't really have a specific "cut-off" in mind. Like other's have said, I'm hoping I'll just know when it feels right to stop, like I knew when it was time to start. (the question will then be why I had to "start" in the first place if nothing was going to come of it, but I'm not going to go there, yet!!) 

Anyway, I've always been drawn to adoption, have been doing some research on it and am comfortable moving on to that path. 

PrivateOne

I am 43 and trying for my first after several years of TTC. Honestly, I believe the cutoff is whatever is best for the individual and their significant other. It is a personal decision that no one but you has the right to make.  If people don't understand what you are doing, think it is wrong or even perhaps think it is great it really shouldn't effect the action you take.  In the end it is you that has to live your life not them. If having a child is what you want then you should proceed accordingly and forget about everyone else's opinion. Remember that they won't be teh one to look back at your life and have regrets, but you may.

Best of luck to you and I hope it turns out exactly as you are wishing for. 

hollyweenOR

Not so much an age cutoff but more of an intervention cutoff. I turned 40 last month. This is our 12th cycle in 11 months, been working w/ RE since Feb. This is our 3rd and last IUI. I am willing to do one IVF (plus cycles w/ frosties if we get any), them I'm out. It's just so invasive for me emotionally, and expensive. If something happen naturally after that, I'd be pleasantly surprised, but I am not up for much more "trying"- will be ready to move on to whatever "next" looks like.

genekelly

My decision had been to stop trying when I turned 40.  We had been trying for >3yrs by the time I finally conceived.   I'm 43 in November and would love to have another.  The newborn phase was tiring but I feel like I have plenty of energy to keep up with DS.    We are definitely one and done though mainly b/c of DH's age and the risk of genetic issues because of both our ages. 

My husband was 59 when our son was born.  I was 40.  I had a great pregnancy and worked out and felt good the whole time.  He is the primary caregiver for our 2 yr old and a stay at home dad.  Although the newborn stage was harder on him than me, he currently has plenty of energy to keep up with DS all day long.  Looking back, I'd say go with how you feel and not the number.  Best of luck with your upcoming cycle!

krousseau77

I am definitely a one and done. I'm 36 DH is 40 with 2 teenage sons,from a previous marriage, if we don't get pregnant this year I will most likely stop after 3 very hard losses there is only so much mentally and physically you can take. But to each their own. Baby dust to all!

on42

We decided to try for a few more months. If nothing happens, we'll drag our feet over to an RE to check out the least invasive. If we don't have any luck between year 1 and 2, I think we will move to donors or adoption. I'm completely OK with adoption. I think we will be parents, so I don't have a cut off for becoming parents. TTC, on the otherhand? I think it'll just depend. Not sure I can go too long TTC; it's just way too much work TRYING and being disappointed, to be honest.

BeckyP005

Thanks ladies! Good luck to us all

RedInLove

I'd really like to be done at 40, but I used to want to be done at 35 and we hasn't started TTC yet so I know I won't necessarily hold myself to 40.

Saltylady

Had my daughter when I was about 20 days shy of turning 33 (first marriage).  took 6 mths to conceive - married for 14 yrs and thought child would help things. Nah, he did not change so I left when she was just months shy of a yr old.  She came at 32 weeks unexpectedly but all was fine.  Divorced and met the man of my dreams shortly thereafter.  Did not want to wait till after wedding day and hiley was 3-1/2 mths old (I was 36 yrs old and DH was 40 - no children or wife/ex-girlfriend). I have asked that question myself......thinking it wouldn't take long to conceive again.  Now since my first miscarriage at 5 weeks two months ago I am wondering if I can conceive naturally again.  My mother had me at 38 yrs of age.  I will at least go that far.

gscoville

I have a daughter from a previous marriage and I had her young, I was 21 when she was born. I didn't meet my now husband until I was 35, and unfortunately we lived over two hours apart and both owned houses and had good jobs, so it took a few years for us to figure out who would sell and move. We got married last year when I was almost 39 and immediately started TTC. I always used to think 40 would be my cutoff, but now I'll be turning 40 in a week or so and I'm definitely not ready to give up TTC yet. If it was just me as a single person I wouldn't keep trying, but then I already have one child whereas hubby has never had one and I know he wants one badly. I do too, but as much to give him a child as for myself, know what I mean? So for now we will keep TTC indefinitely.

PPoppy2010

gscoville said:

I have a daughter from a previous marriage and I had her young, I was 21 when she was born. I didn't meet my now husband until I was 35, and unfortunately we lived over two hours apart and both owned houses and had good jobs, so it took a few years for us to figure out who would sell and move. We got married last year when I was almost 39 and immediately started TTC. I always used to think 40 would be my cutoff, but now I'll be turning 40 in a week or so and I'm definitely not ready to give up TTC yet. If it was just me as a single person I wouldn't keep trying, but then I already have one child whereas hubby has never had one and I know he wants one badly. I do too, but as much to give him a child as for myself, know what I mean? So for now we will keep TTC indefinitely.

We are in the same boat... I have an 18 and 16... My husband and I were high school sweethearts...he went into the marines and we both went our separated ways..... and were separated for 17 yrs...we knew when we saw each other... it had been the biggest mistakes of our lives... and the love we had... was still there... and even stronger....  we have been together the last 3.5 yrs... and have been ttc for about 3 of those years... It just makes sense for us to have a family together... we both have such deep love and commitment to each other... we want to share that with our own kids...  

On a footnote.... is it crazy that our nest is almost empty... and we want to start all over again... lol... I think so! but crazy good!

Jacque Sills

I think that my cut-off is 78......Lol, just kiddin' around Becky!    Most likely, it will be when my body yells, 'I quit!'  It is hard to determine when that day is, but, as long as I still have the desire to have a little one and the ole bod is still working, I will not stop for nothing......

pilotbaby

Hi- I'm not sure how to quote original poster but wondering if you would share the other board you mentioned with older ladies trying to conceive?  Would love to check it out or others like it:)

Thank you

gscoville

PPoppy2010 said:

gscoville said:

I have a daughter from a previous marriage and I had her young, I was 21 when she was born. I didn't meet my now husband until I was 35, and unfortunately we lived over two hours apart and both owned houses and had good jobs, so it took a few years for us to figure out who would sell and move. We got married last year when I was almost 39 and immediately started TTC. I always used to think 40 would be my cutoff, but now I'll be turning 40 in a week or so and I'm definitely not ready to give up TTC yet. If it was just me as a single person I wouldn't keep trying, but then I already have one child whereas hubby has never had one and I know he wants one badly. I do too, but as much to give him a child as for myself, know what I mean? So for now we will keep TTC indefinitely.

We are in the same boat... I have an 18 and 16... My husband and I were high school sweethearts...he went into the marines and we both went our separated ways..... and were separated for 17 yrs...we knew when we saw each other... it had been the biggest mistakes of our lives... and the love we had... was still there... and even stronger....  we have been together the last 3.5 yrs... and have been ttc for about 3 of those years... It just makes sense for us to have a family together... we both have such deep love and commitment to each other... we want to share that with our own kids...  

On a footnote.... is it crazy that our nest is almost empty... and we want to start all over again... lol... I think so! but crazy good!

Oh I know exactly what you mean - my daughter will be 19 in October, she's been graduated from high school for a year and started college in April.  Talk about feeling old while TTC a baby, I'm sure people think we're insane!

Pintobean39

@gscoville and @ppoppy2010

I'm in the same boat. My oldest will be 20 this month and my youngest will be 15 in dec. I'm 39 and my husband is 38. He has no kids of his own. Sometimes I think I'm nuts starting all over again, especially when I see my friends with little ones and remembering how tiring that is. My husband is an awesome step dad to my youngest. My son even asked me the other day if something happened to me would he still be able to stay with his step dad. His biological father has nothing to do with him. I want so bad to give him a child of his own so he can experience it all. I don't have a cut off and that hasn't even crossed my mind. I will keep trying until I just can't anymore.

PPoppy2010

Awesome Pinto!. I am think it is just a matter of being comfortable in our own skin.. and knowing that even though it seems crazy to start over... it is the right thing to do... it will complete the journey we have begun... and we are amazing people... much more so than when we were so young having babies... ..

Have you talked to your older kids about babies yet?

Pintobean39

@ppoppy2010

I never told my kids I was trying to begin with but when I got pregnant they found out. My oldest was a little stunned at first, because he said he thought I'd already gone through menopause (I was 38 at the time). Then he was excited after the initial shock. He told me it better not be a girl or he would be in jail when she started dating. He asked if he could have a shirt that said "#1 Brother".

My youngest freaked out! Cried for a whole day. He begged me not to have it because me having another baby meant I didn't love him as much. Now the next day he apologized to everyone and said he had time to think about it. He helped pick out names. He said the baby needed a smart name because it had big shoes to fill. He got all excited about everything he was going to teach it. He told his brother he was getting a shirt that said "#1 Brother".

I lost the baby two days later. My oldest hasn't asked if I was going to continue to try but my youngest said you can still have another at least you know his sperm are good swimmers. I think when we get pregnant again it may be a little bit smoother.

Have you told your kids?

PPoppy2010

Pintobean39 

No... my oldest is out of the house doing his own life... and my daughter who is 16 is REALLY close to me... and I think (hope) she would be over the moon... so Unless i get pregnant... I wont be sharing anything... until there is truly something to talk about...

I guess I just dont need the extra pressure of all the questions... and the "how are things going talk"- IF is not a journey for the faint of heart... and some days I am stronger than others... so it is just easier for me to deal with it.. then have her be part of it day in and day out... 

AS soon as I get a good 8-10 wk u/s... I will be sharing the news!

2ndGeneration

 I never thought of an upper age! Like some here-I have older kids. But dh and I decided we wanted to get in one more before 'the end'.

 My kids were so excited when I was pregnant earlier this year, and the m/c was hard on all of us. They want another baby, and so do we.

NewMrs07

It used to be 40, but then I had my awesome son at 39 and now I want another one. But I'm 43 and we haven't used birth control since DS was born and so far NADA has happened. So either I get the courage to visit an RE and see what options I have or we keep trying on our own until Mother Nature decides it's over. I'm OK with being one and done but it would be nice to give DS a sibling.

BeckyP005

NewMrs07 said:

It used to be 40, but then I had my awesome son at 39 and now I want another one. But I'm 43 and we haven't used birth control since DS was born and so far NADA has happened. So either I get the courage to visit an RE and see what options I have or we keep trying on our own until Mother Nature decides it's over. I'm OK with being one and done but it would be nice to give DS a sibling.

@NewMrs07....good luck to you! When do you think you will visit an RE? If needed would you consider IVF or donor eggs? Just curious

jennylee813

I keep telling myself that 40 is my cutoff, but we just got married in August (my second, his first). We haven't started TTC yet, my plan is around Christmas. I have two kids already, DS is 13 and DD is 10. 

DH is a wonderful step-father, but like PP said, I want him to have one of his own. I LOVE being a mom, and while I'm nervous about starting over, I think it's just another adventure.

With both my previous pregnancies, I got pregnant very fast. I know I'm older now, but am hoping that it goes smoothly this time as well.

Eliz77

I used to think 40 was a good age for a "cut-off." I am now 36, been trying for a year. I think I will refer to my RE on when a cut off for my situation is appropriate, especially since I think DE/IVF is out of our reach. I have low AMH, so I don't think I'd be an IVF candidate anyway.

Ms40Banks

I think the God Lord makes our clocks keep ticking for a reason. I go back and fourth, this is a CRAZY World decant and moral-LESS however my clock at 41 with 5 (20-10) STILL ticks strong and we (hubby of 18/y) have decided to go for another... Call me crazy!

wendylouwhoknew

At this point I know I'll be at least 45 at delivery. We can't try again until I heal from my DNC today. The cut off 'was' the end of this year, but that was because I never thought we would get pregnant to begin with. This seemed to be a spur of the moment thing for my husband. He has 4 children (8,8,12,15) from his ex. I have two (22,24) and both are moms - my 22 yo is due in a week w/#2.

Since we started, we've had 2 losses. The first was a chemical pregnancy and while disappointing, he didn't get attached or his hopes up. This second time, after an ER visit he saw the heartbeat and that was it for him. After no heartbeat this visit he was devastated and so was I.

We had kept our family and friends in the dark. Only my 22yo knew. My age was a big factor since my mom Announced to my husband after we got married "YOU BETTER NOT HAVE ANYMORE KIDS!". Then my daughters (both) lectured me at one point because his children have issues from their bi-polar drug addicted abusive mom and are all in therapy. They said I was irresponsible to bring another child into that.

It was out of necessity I told the 22yo and she was on board from the beginning. After I told my other daughter about the DNC she apologized for being upset with me and hopes we keep trying.

I guess we are in this until they say we just can't. From the short time I've been pregnant, I will say it is much more exhausting than in my 20's. Maybe 2-3 years? Not sure. Depends on when my body says its time to stop.