How do you do it?

GetwickMom

Although I'm not adopting, I was hoping that you ladies may be able to offer some support.
DH and I have IF and will need a gestational carrier (GC). We've done our initial intake with our coordinator, and similar to adoption, it will take quite a bit of time due to screening, searching, and legal procedures . Right now, if all goes perfectly (and it never does) we expect to do the first IVF with our GC in September 2014 with the hopes of bringing home a baby in mid 2015.

I guess I'm just struggling with how far away that seems. Some of our family know that we will be doing GC, but most do not- and it seems silly to discuss it until we actually start cycling. So being in this "waiting to be a mom" period is starting to drive me nuts! I know that adoption can be similarly frustrating, so I was wondering if you all had any advice on how to cope without driving DH insane?

GetwickMom

Thanks for the response. TPR is my normal board, but there aren't a ton of us over there who are going the surrogacy route- so the waiting process seems to be a slightly more active one. I dont know if this makes sense, but now that we have a defined timeline it feels weird to transition from "waiting/trying to get pregnant" to "waiting for someone to give me a baby". Anyway yes it does suck and its great to have boards to vent on!

arbutusbride

Since it can happen any day (instant baby) or we could be matched in two years I feel more at ease because I am not obsessed with being pregnant.  Knowing that we will be parents is easier for me because with IF treatments there was a bigger chance of failure.  For me it is a matter of when not if.  

Although it still hurts to see pregnancy announcements, I feel good knowing that it will happen for us.  

Keep busy, stay in contact with friends, vent when you need to and hope for the best. 

silliestbunny

I know this sounds contrite... but have you considered taking up a hobby.  I always wanted to knit and finally took it up, took lessons, etc when I was waiting for our baby.  I didn't realize how therapeutic knitting can be... but more importantly it was something for me to put my time (and money) into while we waited. 

My point--- It's hard... keep busy  

Dr.Loretta

We just lived our lives and were pleasantly surprised when the phone rang

GetwickMom

Jalara-

We're in South Africa - but I'm American- which requires us to go through a three month court process once we identify a surrogate before we can start treatments. Our official psych eval - which is also required- will be done this month, after which we have to wait to be matched with a GC. Our coordinator advises that it can take 6 to 9 months.

Sadly enough we would be open to adoption, but as a US citizen, South Africa does not allow me to adopt from their country, and they don't allow single male or cross-racial adoptions - DH is white South African.

LO95

@ alara48

Help me clear up a misconception, I think.  I am not as familiar with the world of adoption yet, but what is the current situation with adopting from Russia?  When I look online a lot of sites talk about Russia not doing adoptions to the US anymore but obviously you guys are; what is the outlet that allows you to adopt?

LO95

(Oops.  Just saw from your blog that it looks like you're not adopting as a US citizen.  Is that the difference?)