Late Term and Child Loss

*Ticker warning and pregnancy mentioned* upcoming loss of a family member

***Ticker warning/Pregnancy Mentioned***

This isn't really about my loss, but it is another loss I am experiencing. My uncle is dying, he is only 47.  He had a heart transplant about 1.5 months ago. Things were looking good, but he suddenly had a minor heart attack after the transplant.  Since then he just hasn't been able to recover. There was a fear that his brain went without oxygen, but they did all sorts of tests and his brain was fine. The new heart was now working. Then his other organs began to shut down, his one kidney stopped functioning from all the stress on his body and he has been on dialysis for almost a month.  Then recently his liver started failing from having to work so hard to filter all his meds from his system.  He also now has pneumonia, which wouldn't be as concerning in a healthy adult, but he has a suppressed immune system so his body doesn't reject the new heart.  My uncle is one of the funniest people I know. He is my dad's youngest sibling (there are 9 children with my dad being the oldest). Watching my dad try to deal with this is so incredibly hard and painful.  The doctors have told all the siblings that my uncle is not going to get out of the hospital. The grief of this loss has definitely triggered some of the early emotions I experienced after we lost Alice. My DH asked if I wanted to go down to see my uncle and/or go to the funeral.  As much as I want to say goodbye to my uncle, I don't know if I can handle being in the midst of all the death and sadness.  I am pregnant and already anxious about this pregnancy and I know the added stress and anxiety of this loss cannot be good for me or the baby.  But I also feel overwhelming guilt when I think about not going.

I feel like I am on a tiny lifeboat in the middle of a huge ocean of grief and loss and there is no land in sight. 
Married 11/23/11, TTC starting 10/12, BFP#1 11/30/12, Adoption of stepson finalized 03/19/13,Loss of our daughter at 20w4d due to incompetent cervix 03/27/13, BFP#2 06/28/13, DS2 born 3/1/14.

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Re: *Ticker warning and pregnancy mentioned* upcoming loss of a family member

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    I'm so sorry for your upcoming loss.  I can relate to how painful it is to see your dad in pain.  A couple of years ago my uncle fell out of his deer blind, 30 feet.  He broke his back and his now paralyzed from the waist down.  He is my dad's younger brother and they are very close and it was sooo painful to see my dad hurting.  He said he wished it was him instead :(

    I understand the guilt that you are feeling, but your uncle knows you love him and not going to see him/his funeral will not change that.  You have to take care of yourself right now and if not going is what feels best for you, then I say it is the right decision.  It is VERY normal for a new loss to bring up feelings of another one, especially since you are not far out from losing Alice.  Plus with being pregnant and dealing with pgal brain, I think you need to really take care of yourself.

    My mom died several years ago, and then a year and a half later my grandpa died.  In that year and a half I went through so many life changing job, moved a few times, my brother split from his wife and they had been together for a long time, I went through a bad break up, was just one thing after another.  I did go to my grandpas funeral, but since he died in February, they were having a graveside service in the spring too.  A couple weeks before the service, I woke up hysterical and crying because I dreamed that my brother had been killed.  It was so bad I had to call my dad at work at 4am and he left work to come be with me.  With the deaths of my mom and grandpa and all the changes I was going through, I just cracked.

    My dad suggested I not go to my grandpas service because it was all just too much for me right then.  I felt bad, but I agreed that it was probably for the best.  Will your dad understand if you cannot go?  I hope you can decide what is the best decision for yourself, and I'm sending lots of T&P for you and your family.
    Lilypie - (fm2j)

    Lilypie - (YesX)

     My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks.  Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!


  • I am so sorry for the pain you are going through right now. I would recommend telling your dad that it is too painful to see another loss. They will understand. Have your dad tell him how much you care and that you are sorry you can't be there right now. Just thinking about going to another funeral after having Arianna's would just bring all the pain back to me.

    Julius Justin - 11/07/2002 - 10 lbs 22 in 
    Isabella Genavieve - 02/03/05 - 7 lbs 11 oz 22 in 
    Arianna Kaitlynn - 04/10/2013 - 4 lbs 15 oz 15 in

    BFP 08/10/13 
    TWINS!!!! 09/01/13
    Miscarriage at 12 weeks lost baby B 
    Arianna diagnosed with an Ompalocele at 13 weeks
    Arianna our Angel on 04/10/13 
    BFP 07/20/13
    Our Rainbow due 03/18/14 

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  • I am so sorry :(  lots of hugs

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  • I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now.  ((Hugs))


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  • I can't imagine how painful it is to be faced with another loss so soon.  I agree with PP - many thoughts and prayers to your family.
    ~ Leah, Rachel and Gabriel were born on May 27, 2013 (23 weeks) ~ Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • im going through this right now. My sister just called and said my grandpa only has a few days left- i am 6 weeks pregnant and havent told anyone about it yet either. reading these posts have helped although I am stricken with guilt. I am very sorry for your loss, know you are not alone- J
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