This isn't really about my loss, but it is another loss I am experiencing. My uncle is dying, he is only 47. He had a heart transplant about 1.5 months ago. Things were looking good, but he suddenly had a minor heart attack after the transplant. Since then he just hasn't been able to recover. There was a fear that his brain went without oxygen, but they did all sorts of tests and his brain was fine. The new heart was now working. Then his other organs began to shut down, his one kidney stopped functioning from all the stress on his body and he has been on dialysis for almost a month. Then recently his liver started failing from having to work so hard to filter all his meds from his system. He also now has pneumonia, which wouldn't be as concerning in a healthy adult, but he has a suppressed immune system so his body doesn't reject the new heart. My uncle is one of the funniest people I know. He is my dad's youngest sibling (there are 9 children with my dad being the oldest). Watching my dad try to deal with this is so incredibly hard and painful. The doctors have told all the siblings that my uncle is not going to get out of the hospital. The grief of this loss has definitely triggered some of the early emotions I experienced after we lost Alice. My DH asked if I wanted to go down to see my uncle and/or go to the funeral. As much as I want to say goodbye to my uncle, I don't know if I can handle being in the midst of all the death and sadness. I am pregnant and already anxious about this pregnancy and I know the added stress and anxiety of this loss cannot be good for me or the baby. But I also feel overwhelming guilt when I think about not going.
I feel like I am on a tiny lifeboat in the middle of a huge ocean of grief and loss and there is no land in sight.
Married 11/23/11, TTC starting 10/12, BFP#1 11/30/12, Adoption of stepson finalized 03/19/13,Loss of our daughter at 20w4d due to incompetent cervix 03/27/13, BFP#2 06/28/13, DS2 born 3/1/14.