Late Term and Child Loss

Introduction (TFMR mentioned)

Hello ladies...

I'm not sure where to start.  I've lurked a bit, and my heart has gone out to each of you and your significant others.

There's a link to my blog in my signature (last I checked all the tickers and u/s photos were gone) for those that want the vast majority of details.  I can also provide links to the Dec13 threads, but I'm not sure if they would cause pain for other women if they accidentally scroll down and see responses with tickers and u/s photos.

My little man was always measuring small.  I was told it wasn't a big concerned, and was referred to a perinatologist for SCHs, clinically insignificant ACAs, and because I was overly anxious and, as a trained molecular geneticist, I think my normal ob wanted me to have care above and beyond her norm.  I never felt like things were right.  I always thought something was wrong with little man; unfortunately I was correct.  I was so worried about my 18 week a/s I couldn't eat before the appointment.  I shoved down a bit of orange juice hoping it would invigorate little man a bit, but no dice.  I watched the a/s for a bit and noticed how small his limbs were measuring - 2 weeks, almost three weeks behind.  I was terrified to see the brain and spine because my AFP was elevated.  I stopped watching and cried the entire scan.  My peri came in and said many things concerned her, but most of all she was worried about a Dandy Walker malformation in the brain.  She did an amnio immediately and referred me to Columbia-NY Presbyterian for Friday.  I met with all sorts of specialists, and they had the same grim prognosis.  All said it's a matter of time, and that they would endorse our making the most difficult decision.  and we have made it.  tomorrow is the prep for my D&E on Friday.

I'm so depressed, angry, and infuriated.  We are waiting on a boatload of genetic screening (I had Counsyl & karyotyping pre-TTC, DH just had Counsyl and his karyotype was drawn Friday), and the fetal microarry will likely take a few weeks, and the whole exome sequencing even longer.

It will obviously take us a long time to heal from this. What hurts the most is that there is no way to heal this pain.  There is no way to fix it.  There is literally no way to put the pieces of hope and dreams back together.  There's nothing to stop the pain, and there is nothing that will make future pregnancies any easier.  They already feel tainted.  I feel like we lost our innocence through all the miscarriages, and now, with this pregnancy, I'm left with anger.  I'm mourning a life that will never truly come to be, yet was already full of so much love.  I'm mourning DH and I's sense of innocence, our faith that things will be okay.  In the end we will come to terms with this and accept the fate, but it will never, ever be okay.

Once this is over DH and I are going to take a long trip to Italy and do our best to heal together.  I will drink copious amounts of espresso, red wine and questionable cheeses. We are likely going to spend Christmas abroad because it's going to be too difficult to be here on my EDD and plan to move (though we will stay in our current area) because it's time for a change of scenery. I'm going to have olive trees planted in our parents backyards (we nicknamed little one olive at about 7 weeks), and hope that they grow big and strong.  We will find peace, even though it will be at the end of a very long road.

4 years ago I lost my best friend to cystic fibrosis.  if there is a heaven, I hope she finds my little man and takes him under her wing.

I apologize for the length of this post, but I hope to become a supportive member of this community.  Please let me know if I touched on any areas that are faux pas, so I avoid making the same mistake twice.
Loss Blog (finally updated)


5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional.  5 BFPs.  My rainbow arrived 10/15/14.
TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.

Re: Introduction (TFMR mentioned)

  • I am so very sorry for your coming loss. Speaking of your experience and your story does not present any faux pas, so please do not feel like you need to tread lightly. We have all been through hell. There are others who have had to make a similar decision as yours, and hopefully you will be able to lift each other up as I know the guilt and questioning comes with any loss. 

    If we can be of any help and support to you as you go through your loss, please lean on us.
    Lilypie - (qptF)

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    "Elsie Irene was born sleeping at 35w 6d on December 8, 2012. Mommy and Daddy miss you sweet girl."

  • I am so sorry for your loss. This board has been so helpful to me in learning to cope with my grief and hope it will be for you as well.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss. Do not worry about offending anyone, we've all had similar horrors and are all to familiar to pain. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Lots of hugs to you and your family.

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  • ***Ticker warning***

    I am so sorry for your loss and the hard decision no one should ever have to make. I hope your trip to Italy is healing for you both. And again I am so sorry for your loss and the grief. Will be thinking of you on Friday.
    Married 11/23/11, TTC starting 10/12, BFP#1 11/30/12, Adoption of stepson finalized 03/19/13,Loss of our daughter at 20w4d due to incompetent cervix 03/27/13, BFP#2 06/28/13, DS2 born 3/1/14.

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  • I am so sorry for your loss. You'll be in my thoughts on Friday. I'm sorry you're joining this board, but welcome.
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
  • ((HUGE HUGS)) praying for you on Friday.

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    8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)

    -5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)

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    8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF

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    12/19/14- FET of 2 embabies = BFP!!!  One Little Bean EDD: 9/3/15

    Everyone Welcome.

  • edited August 2013

    ***siggy warning***



    I am so sorry for you loss. The journey ahead is long and difficult but you are not alone.  We're here for you whenever you need us.


    DH and I moved last year and went to Italy too!  It was an amazing trip (and the food is incredible!) I love olive trees, I wish we had the climate where I live to support them.

    Wishing you peace and love.


    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

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  • I am so sorry, I will be praying for you for Friday.

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    Arianna Kaitlynn - 04/10/2013 - 4 lbs 15 oz 15 in

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    TWINS!!!! 09/01/13
    Miscarriage at 12 weeks lost baby B 
    Arianna diagnosed with an Ompalocele at 13 weeks
    Arianna our Angel on 04/10/13 
    BFP 07/20/13
    Our Rainbow due 03/18/14 

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  • I am so sorry for your losses.  It sucks to have to welcome new moms to the board.  I hope that you are able to find the support that you need in this board.  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers for Friday.


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  • i am so sorry that you are going through this . We are all here for you when you need us. Hugs and thinking of you and sending support for tomorrow.



    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
  • Sorry you have to go through any of that. We are here for you anytime you need us.

    Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS



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  • yosemitemomyosemitemom member
    edited August 2013
    I am so sorry for your loss. My name is Erica and we TFMR as well. Our daughter had Dandy Walker Malformation and hydrocephalus. She passed on June 4, 2012. I'm here for you and please let me know if you have any questions. 
    And I too miss the innocence.  
    Best wishes, 
    I am a mother to two daughters. Our first is a lovely and vibrant three-year old. Our second, passed away during the sixth month of pregnancy (June 2012).
  • yosemitemomyosemitemom member
    edited August 2013
    {edited comment above and now I can't figure out how to delete this one. Sorry!}
    I am a mother to two daughters. Our first is a lovely and vibrant three-year old. Our second, passed away during the sixth month of pregnancy (June 2012).
  • OSUWifey09OSUWifey09 member
    edited August 2013
    ***SIGGY WARNING*** [maybe...? i may have accidentally deleted it]

    I'm so, so sorry; I hate that you're going through what you're going through, that you had to make such a difficult decision. As pp said, we have all been through hell, so do not be afraid to come on this board to vent, to get your anger out, to lean on us. We're all here for you.

    Sending lots of hugs, Ts and Ps for you today, tomorrow and for the weeks to come.


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  • I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your son.  ((hugs)).  You are in a really great place for support, although I wish I didn't have to welcome you here. 

    One of my great friends lost her daughter who was also diagnosed with dandy walker malformation. She was faced with having to make the same incredibly hard decision.  I'm so sorry you're going through this.  My heart is with you and you are in my thoughts and prayers. 

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    BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.

    BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.

    BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.

    BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section

  • I am so very sorry for your loss - many prayers with you now and especially tomorrow.

    When you said "In the end we will come to terms with this and accept the fate, but it will never, ever be okay." that's exactly what I've been saying the past 2 months.  THIS, our experience, losing our babies, will NEVER be okay, but eventually, we'll come to terms with it and WE (DH and I) will be okay.

    This board has been an amazing support system - please lean on us as much as you need!

    Many, many prayers...
    ~ Leah, Rachel and Gabriel were born on May 27, 2013 (23 weeks) ~ Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I am so sorry for your loss.  I had a December due date as well, my Hope Olivia was due on Christmas Eve.  I don't know how I will get through the Christmas season.  No words can explain or  even bring comfort to you.  I know the anger and unfairness of why some babies go too soon is so overwhelming.  Please know that all of us here are here for you and will try to bring you as much comfort as we can.  I will be thinking about you and your family on Friday.


     TTC#1 since June 2011. 3 early losses before 6 weeks. Hope Olivia born and went to heaven July 26, 2013.

  • Thank you all.  It was very difficult to go to sleep last night.  All I could think about was how it was the last night I was going to sleep with my little man inside me, the final night of my pregnancy, and that in a mere 12 hours I would no longer (on the outside) be a mother.  I always expected it to hurt, but I don't think I realized just how much.
    Loss Blog (finally updated)


    5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional.  5 BFPs.  My rainbow arrived 10/15/14.
    TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.

  • Huge hugs to you. I am so very sorry. We lost our daughter to a terminal diagnosis also last year. If you want to talk please feel free to private message me anytime. You are not alone and you have come to a really supportive place filled with those who understand. We are always here for you. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers.
  • I am truly sorry for your loss. No one understands your pain as well as the ladies on this board. Everyone here is so supportive, and any time I'm having a bad day I find myself here and I always feel better. Sometimes I feel guilty if I haven't thought of my daughter enough during a day, and I take comfort coming here knowing someone is willing to lend an ear. I hope this board brings you serenity like it does for me. Hugs!!!!

    Ava's Story
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  • I just saw this today and I am so sorry that you had to make the heartbreaking choice. Since you went to Columbia, I am assuming you are in the NY/NJ area. If so, please PM me. There is a wonderful heartbreaking choice support group in Rockland County, NY. I would be more than happy to share the info or just talk. If you would like, please share your sweet boy's name with us.
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    ***Congratulations to my TTCAL buddy Roxyttandme!! It's a GIRL!! Charlotte arrived on 9/29!!!!***
    PGaL/PAL Always Welcome!!
  • I am so sorry. :( I hope you can find some peace in Italy.
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