First time mom, I need help

millieb0623

I am two weeks pp and I feel so sad. I cry all the time for everything. I can't even look at my baby without crying. I love her so much but I don't feel like I can take care of her. I feel like a bad mom and I just got started. It all started when I had to have an emergency c section, the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck and they had to take her out. I can't stop blaming myself for even having the c section even though I know logically there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't get to do skin to skin contact and I didn't get to breastfeed her right away like I wanted so that was hard. Then because we had such a hard time then would let her eat for 24 hours cuz they thought she might have damage to her stomach. So they had her on IV. I did't even get to hold her until the next day. She was almost 24 hour old before I even got to hold her. Then she was in the NICU for a week and she got jaundice. My placenta also had an infection in it so they gave her antiobiotics for a week as well.

Then there are the issues with me. My incision opened up and now I have a bad infection. I am on several meds which keeps me from breastfeeding. I am pumping but I cannot give her my milk anyway because of all the meds. I also have a really low supply and I cannot seem to get it up. At this point I just feel like giving up on that too. I feel like there is no end, no light at the end of the tunnel. I have a nurse that comes to pack me with gauze every day and I do not feel like I am getting any better which is another frustration.

I am just so stressed I don't know what to do. I feel like I am slipping. I have talked to my doctor and she has giving me birth control so far to see if that helps since I am just at the two week mark and there is a chance it can still just be the blue's. Sorry so long just needed to tell my story and hopefully get a little advice and words of wisdom.

Lil Kate

I would tell your doctor that birth control isn't enoughIt seems like you have a lot of struggles that are making the transition to motherhood very difficult along with PPD. Do you have help? I remember being so overwhelmed by everything after I had my 1st. Even little things seemed daunting. You are doing amazing.... Most people wouldn't be able to keep pumping in your situation but you are dedicated to your LO. Just remember it gets better. I cried for days leading up to my c-section... It took a while but be proud if the fact that u delivered a beautiful baby.

millieb0623

Yes I do have help thank god. My mom has been staying with us and my husband has been wonderful and so understanding. I am going to talk to my dr and just get the antidepressants. She said she was fine giving them to me she just thought maybe the birth control would help. Thank you for saying that. I am trying really hard to not give up on the breast feeding and trying not to let myself dry up butafter all these meds lets see if I can even get her to latch or even take my milk.

GroverClover

I'm also a first time mom and it is overwhelming!  I never dreamed it would be this way.  Two things.  1. My OB suggesting counseling because (for me) antidepressants were not a good option. It's expensive, but helped ALOT. During the first session, I realized that I was a good mom. 2. Milk supply.  I wonder if your supply will improve once the infection improves.

You are definitely dedicated.  Pumping is hard work, especially when you have so many other factors going on. It gets better. You are smart to seek help early.  Good luck!!  It gets better....LOTS better!!!

babydancer83

I'm so sorry you are going through this.. I can totally relate to you. 

I have my LO 2 weeks ago also.. with complications. 

He wasn't able to breathe on his own and was taken away to the NICU..I didn't hold my baby for the first time for 6 days... it was torture. I had my own complications too.. a lumbar puncture from epidural and 2 blood patches.. 

Only now am I starting to feel somewhat normal. I have fears now of me being OK for my baby.. 

I do feel that when we go through an experience like this it is normal for us to feel like we are about to break. It's supposed to be a joyful time.. and sometimes I feel robbed of it. 

But lean on your family and friends for support.. talking to them has helped so much. 

My Dr just prescribed me a low dosage of zoloft. 

Dont be afraid to discuss your feelings. Im also gonna look into vitamin supplements too,