Do I think this is bad because I already have a dislike for BM?

danac2010

This is going to get long and maybe confusing so let me help with some initals before the story.  "B" is SD's oldest sister and she has to kids E and N.  K is the middle sister and she is 19 or 20.  F is BM's BF's son and he is 14 or 15.  C and M are SD's cousins that are 7 and 8.  Confused yet?  Ok here is the story.

Ok so we just recently started 7 days on/7 days off with SD.  I picked her up today to start our 7 days.  I was just asking her how daycare was and if she had fun bowling.  She said yes but "B" got her there late so she almost didn't get to go.  I told her I was sorry but she got to go so it's ok.  I then asked if mommy was working today and that is why B took her.  I asked if B was staying at mommy's (she use to live in OK with some other family members and we live in TX) and she said yes and E, K, F and right now C and M and their mom are all visiting.  BM has a 3 bedroom house so that that is 11 or 12 people in 1 house.  3 of them should be going back to OK soon but I know K and F live there and B, E, and N have been there for a few months now so on a regular basis 8 or 9 people in a 3 edroom house.  I asked ( I know I shouldn't have) SD where she was sleeping.  She said she had a mattress on the floor in F's room that she shared with C and M.  M is a boy, F is a teenage boy.  This was not cool to me but then she said, all on her own, and F has swords in his room but we can't touch them.  I asked if they were where she could get to them if she wanted too.  She said yes.  This is what concerns me.  She is having to share a mattress on the floor with 2 other kids and they are sleeping in a teenage boy's room.  Is this something we should be concerned about or just something that is something to side eye?  TIA!

CFjo2010

After reading through your alphabet of people (seriously a lot of people!) here's my 2 cents...

I wouldn't worry about anything until the visitors leave and go home.  I say this because I remember when I was little and relatives visited my sisters and I got shuffled all over the house to accommodate people.  So while SD sleeping in F's room is less than ideal, it may only be temporary.

Now, if after everyone leaves and things settle down she is sleeping in F's room, I think there's a problem.

KMB611

It took me a minute to follow all of this. Is she sharing the mattress with both F and M or is she on the mattress while they sleep somewhere else in the room?

CFjo2010

KMB611 said:

It took me a minute to follow all of this. Is she sharing the mattress with both F and M or is she on the mattress while they sleep somewhere else in the room?

I interpreted it that SD is sharing a mattress with C and E, and the three of them are in F's room.  So F is in his bed, and the 3 younger kids on sharing a mattress on the floor.

Littlejen22

Ditto Jo. I really think this is one of those BF things that alarms us because we don't know the people but if it was your extended family visiting and they had to share a room it would sound like fun. I hope things get settled soon.

danac2010

Sorry I had to post and run last night. Yes, Jo has it correct, SD is sleeping on a mattress on the floor with her cousins in a teenage boy's room that is the son of BM's BF/FI (we aren't really sure what they are anymore).  Like I said the rooming situation gets a big side eye from me but the "swords" are the bigger issue for me.  DH asked some more questions last night at dinner and from what we can gather the kid has "big knives" in his room that are in the closet or "sometimes on his bed" but she was told by BM not to touch.  SD seems to understand the rule but I'm wondering if the 3 or 4 year old are understanding the rules and won't ever touch.  SD also said that the boy plays with them in the tv room sometimes.  That is my biggest concern.  That just screams safety issues and with a lot of people in the house I'm worried one of the 6 kids could sneak away and play with the swords and no one would notice right away.

Nineoceans

Honestly if that was my child I would be flipping my ish but since its Dh's child you just have to let him deal with it.

I do want to warn you though in my case Dh is super confrontational with BM and little by little my SS tells us less and less that goes on until its to the point of today where he tells us absolutely nothing unless its good. That scares me a bit

2chatter

The rooms no big deal if it's temporary.  The knives - scary.  Not sure what to do - BM's rules obviously permit children to have weapons. 

Ginlyn0

My nephew likes swords and such because of my brother. When he was living with us, someone (can't remember who) got him a new sword and he brought it home. Nephew was sharing a room with my two SSs when he lived here. I made him take his sword over to his dad's to leave there. Swords of that type aren't allowed at my house. But it sounds like this teen lives there on a permanent basis and since it isn't your house. I would mention your safety concerns, but honestly I'm not sure there's much you can do. I would have your DH have a discussion with BM mentioning your concerns. If nothing happens you could perhaps send CPS over there and perhaps they might suggest they obtain a locked case or something for them and that might be enough to get them to make changes about where these swords are kept in relation to the little kids. A lot of people "collect" these types of items but I think access to them is key. They should be out of reach or locked up and if they aren't then that is a valid safety concern IMO.