*~*TTCAL PAL Check In~*~

Junebug060609

**Please note this check in is for ladies who've had a loss since bringing their latest child(ren) home.  There is a separate check in (err, at least there was...) for PAL'ers who are TTC again but haven't had subsequent loss(es). 

Apologies to whomever typically runs this.  It hasn't been posted in awhile and, quite honestly, I need it today.  Plus I've seen other posts on TTCAL from ladies who could use it...so here it is.  I don't mean to step on toes.

*****************************

How are you ladies doing today? 

Where are you in the TTCAL process?

Anything in particular that you're struggling with? 

....and because every one of you who fits this check in has a sweetie at home, tell me something your LO(s) have done lately that has brightened your day!

Junebug060609

I'll get the ball rolling...

 

How are you ladies doing today? 

Honestly, pretty crappy.

Where are you in the TTCAL process?

I'm eight plus months out from my last loss (Turkey Day weekend).  This cycle looks to be a bust (spotting has started).  Since I'm AMA and it's been more than 6 months, an RE is stepping in.  I had a consult earlier this month.  Game plan if this cycle didn't work out was that I'd get on the Pill (I about bawled getting that at the pharmacy today) and have another hysteroscopy to address a small abnormality they spotted in my ute via u/s.  Most likely it's a fibroid, I have a history of them.  After that it's on to Clomid. 

Honestly today I'm overwhelmed with the reality that we'll likely have assistance TTC.  I know there will be some months where we'll be on our own, but still.  I've pretty much given up on us conceiving before DH deploys this fall.  I'm nervous as hell that the next cycle I'll have a shot might yield a June baby (my last loss was a June baby).  I'm feeling like even if we can manage to get pregnant, that it likely won't result in a take home baby anyways...like we're doing all this and experiencing all this heartbreak for nothing. 

 

Anything in particular that you're struggling with? 

See above.  Also, I'm still struggling with the possibility the DS may never get a sibling.

....and because every one of you who fits this check in has a sweetie at home, tell me something your LO(s) have done lately that has brightened your day!

He does stuff everyday that makes me smile.  Yesterdays was that he improved by leaps and bounds at his speech therapy.  Not with the speaking part, unfortunately, but with following directions.  To see him cooperating and smiling and laughing, even squealing with joy at times...it made my day.

jertie

Hey Junebug!  I've been thinking about you lately - I hope all is well with you!  I've been gone for a while, but I was hoping when I came back you'd be KU.  I'm so sorry it hasn't happened yet. 

DH & I just got back from our appt with the fertility specialist.  We didn't really learn a WHOLE lot, but she wants to do all kinds of b/w tests that they just did in June and some internal checks on me to make sure everything is functioning as it should - then we'll meet back for a plan of action once the results are all in. Good news is that my insurance is the bees knees and covers tons of the tests and the actual procedures - so not a bunch of money out of pocket.

We're on cycle 12 right now and still plugging *ahem* away.  Tomorrow should be DPO 10 - but I don't think I'll be testing - it's disappointing getting all the negatives and I don't really feel like I have a reason to test. 

I'm still feeling like DH is the one that wants another baby more right now.  I could go either way - but maybe I'm just trying to keep my enthusiasm in-check just in case it doesn't happen.  It will all work out eventually, right?  In the interim, I've got my sweet little Pip to keep me busy. 

As for a cute thing she's done lately...she loves food.  When DH brings her home from DC I'm usually in the kitchen making dinner, she always wants something to eat, so I'll sit her at our breakfast bar and give her little tastes of what I'm making.  She asks for onions, chicken, whatever sauce I'm using - last night was chicken tikka masala - she's going to turn into a little gourmet and it makes me so happy!

mcvgal

Thanks for starting this back up. I am little late posting but hadn't seen a check-in for a while.

How are you ladies doing? Trying to stay active and busy. And happy to have the weekend here

Where are you in the TTCAL process? It's been 5 months since our loss, but only 4 since actively TTC again. I hit 35 this last april so I plan on talking to my dr in a month or 2 about any concerns. Only had the one loss however I had RPL testing done to the possible connection between the loss and my son being born premature. Turns out I have MTHFR so right now I am on extra Folic Acid and will start and aspirin regimin next pregnancy.  This last cycle was over a week late and I was foolishly getting over excited although I knew the stress of our house hunting was a factor of the wonky cycle.

LO has brightened my day ... Two days ago he pulled up a chair to the kithcen counter and helped me make popsicles. The were just frozen berries with water. We shared one yesterday and I could tell by his smile that he was proud of making it himself then enjoying the result.

 

Junebug I just want to give you a big fat hug and thank your husband for his service

Fififa21

I´m doing ok. We are 6 months past our most recent loss and DH still isnt quite ready to try again. But we´re not doing anything to prevent either, just not officially trying and having sex near O.  I´ve been more than ready for a while now, as my thinking is that even if we do get pregnant quickly, we more than likely will lose it and have to start all over, thus taking even more time. So I´m ready to at least get the ball rolling, I don´t want Lucas and his (hopeful) sibling to be too far apart in age. Even if we get pregnant this cycle, they will be about 2.5 years apart, which is more than I wanted, but oh well. It´s out of my control now! Sometimes I wonder if he will even be able to have a sibling...I don´t want him growing up an only child! I have an appointment with my OBGYN on Wednesday for my annual pap smear and to start doing some testing to see if there´s anything wrong with me. Hoping that everything comes back normal.

Lucas brightens my day pretty much every day. He is the sweetest, most affectionate little boy. He will just randomly come up to my or DH and hug us or kiss us. Always brings a smile to our faces :-)

Big hugs to everyone else and good luck to everybody too!

Junebug060609

jertie said:

Hey Junebug!  I've been thinking about you lately - I hope all is well with you!  I've been gone for a while, but I was hoping when I came back you'd be KU.  I'm so sorry it hasn't happened yet. 

DH & I just got back from our appt with the fertility specialist.  We didn't really learn a WHOLE lot, but she wants to do all kinds of b/w tests that they just did in June and some internal checks on me to make sure everything is functioning as it should - then we'll meet back for a plan of action once the results are all in. Good news is that my insurance is the bees knees and covers tons of the tests and the actual procedures - so not a bunch of money out of pocket.

We're on cycle 12 right now and still plugging *ahem* away.  Tomorrow should be DPO 10 - but I don't think I'll be testing - it's disappointing getting all the negatives and I don't really feel like I have a reason to test. 

I'm still feeling like DH is the one that wants another baby more right now.  I could go either way - but maybe I'm just trying to keep my enthusiasm in-check just in case it doesn't happen.  It will all work out eventually, right?  In the interim, I've got my sweet little Pip to keep me busy. 

As for a cute thing she's done lately...she loves food.  When DH brings her home from DC I'm usually in the kitchen making dinner, she always wants something to eat, so I'll sit her at our breakfast bar and give her little tastes of what I'm making.  She asks for onions, chicken, whatever sauce I'm using - last night was chicken tikka masala - she's going to turn into a little gourmet and it makes me so happy!

Sounds like your doc is being proactive, and that's good.  Certainly wishing you the best of luck.  

Junebug060609

e_cruiz said:

Thanks for starting this back up. I am little late posting but hadn't seen a check-in for a while.

How are you ladies doing? Trying to stay active and busy. And happy to have the weekend here

Where are you in the TTCAL process? It's been 5 months since our loss, but only 4 since actively TTC again. I hit 35 this last april so I plan on talking to my dr in a month or 2 about any concerns. Only had the one loss however I had RPL testing done to the possible connection between the loss and my son being born premature. Turns out I have MTHFR so right now I am on extra Folic Acid and will start and aspirin regimin next pregnancy.  This last cycle was over a week late and I was foolishly getting over excited although I knew the stress of our house hunting was a factor of the wonky cycle.

LO has brightened my day ... Two days ago he pulled up a chair to the kithcen counter and helped me make popsicles. The were just frozen berries with water. We shared one yesterday and I could tell by his smile that he was proud of making it himself then enjoying the result.

 

Junebug I just want to give you a big fat hug and thank your husband for his service

I'm totally going to steal that popsicle idea!  I've been learning a lot lately about just how much he loves to 'help', and more importantly how much he learns by helping...and that seems right up his alley!

Oh gosh, sorry about the anticipation you had with your last cycle...that's rough!  I had one earlier on after this loss that my LP was like 4 days longer than pre-loss.  Turned out that was my body cluing me in that my LP had shifted and was now longer.  Glad it's longer (was 10ish days before), but DUDE, that sucked.  

Thanks for the hug.  I'm doing better now, on CD1, but I'm still beyond ready to get TTC behind me forever.

Junebug060609

Fififa21 said:

I´m doing ok. We are 6 months past our most recent loss and DH still isnt quite ready to try again. But we´re not doing anything to prevent either, just not officially trying and having sex near O.  I´ve been more than ready for a while now, as my thinking is that even if we do get pregnant quickly, we more than likely will lose it and have to start all over, thus taking even more time. So I´m ready to at least get the ball rolling, I don´t want Lucas and his (hopeful) sibling to be too far apart in age. Even if we get pregnant this cycle, they will be about 2.5 years apart, which is more than I wanted, but oh well. It´s out of my control now! Sometimes I wonder if he will even be able to have a sibling...I don´t want him growing up an only child! I have an appointment with my OBGYN on Wednesday for my annual pap smear and to start doing some testing to see if there´s anything wrong with me. Hoping that everything comes back normal.

Lucas brightens my day pretty much every day. He is the sweetest, most affectionate little boy. He will just randomly come up to my or DH and hug us or kiss us. Always brings a smile to our faces :-)

Big hugs to everyone else and good luck to everybody too!

I totally hear you with the kiddos being further apart than you'd hoped.  It stinks to have gone from would've been 2u2 to now being 2 yrs and 7 months apart...at least.  But like you said, it's out of my hands...

anitaflora

Hey Junebug.  Thanks so much for posting this.  I have been feeling really, really disconnected from most everything related to TB lately.  I've just been so, so down as far as our journey that I just haven't felt up to connecting on any level.  But I've been looking for this and thinking of the ladies that I share this path with right now...  So thank you again.

How are you ladies doing today? 

Today was pretty rough.  Well, this week was pretty rough overall.  I was going to have my CD 3 bloodwork and testing redone but it was cancelled since the office refused to see me because of our past due bill.  What's really pathetic is that if we had just done the incentive tasks that my health insurance offers for us to do, we would have had the bill paid and this never would have been an issue.  I was really, really aggravated when the financial office wouldn't let me make any arrangement other than pay the entire balance in full the day before the appointment was for.  And he just said well, no, if you can't pay the entire balance right now I have no choice but to cancel your appointment.

Ugh.  Anyway....

So now we're doing the things we gotta do to get the money put into our account to pay the bill etc.  But I keep thinking well hell, if I were pregnant would you refuse service too then?!?  I don't know.  At this point, thankfully (in some ways, not thankfully in others) I'm not on any kind of treatment plan so it's not like I'm being denied service when there's treatment going on.  But it was all still extremely upsetting.

And what's difficult too is that my husband handles all of our finances.  So I had discussed the bill with him etc. and felt it was in his hands to handle and deal with.... so I didn't really have any insight into where things stood other than that I knew he had been making payments.

But what was really tough was tonight going to this family function of my husbands and having two women I didn't know walk up to me and see my son and ask us, "So, you just have the one then?"

I swear I wanted to simultaneously burst out crying (which I just did by the way), and tell them, "No, we've had five miscarriages instead, thanks."  I am glad my husband was there because I had literally no answer for these women.  It sucked on so many levels.  It's such a crappy thing to say really, regardless of whether it's by choice or not that you "only" have one.  But I think it's worse when it's not by choice.  Ugh.

Where are you in the TTCAL process?

Wow.  1 year and 8 months we've been trying.  That is shocking to me.  My RE has absolutely no recommendation for us other than to keep trying on our own without any medical intervention.  And just cross our fingers basically.  I have very mixed emotions about it but I really do believe it's a matter of egg quality for me and that short of taking a regimen of COQ10 (which there's no proof it works but just hoping it does - and my RE apparently knew nothing about this), there's nothing I can do to change it.  We discussed going on clomid but my RE does not support that since I'm ovulating on my own and it would possibly interfere with my lining. 

Anything in particular that you're struggling with? 

Struggling with the length of this journey.  Struggling with (as I know so many of those in this check in are) the heartbreak that I may never have another child.  Struggling with how naïve I was before about all of this.  Really, really feeling the heartbreak of it all lately.  I want my son to have a sibling so much.  I am starting to try to think about other ways he might have opportunities to develop other types of relationships in his life.  I'm trying to see the side where maybe his being an only child will open up more for him in some ways than if we did have another child.  That probably sounds weird but I'm really trying to look for positives in a scenario where all I feel is heartbreak.  But I really have a strong faith that there is a reason for everything and maybe there is some reason for him in his life that I have no idea about that it's beneficial for him to not have a sibling. 

I really, really hope not. But who knows what his life is meant to be.  Not me!

....and because every one of you who fits this check in has a sweetie at home, tell me something your LO(s) have done lately that has brightened your day!

Several times a day he tells me that I'm his best friend.  I treasure it dearly since I know there will come a day when I have to take a back seat to some other best friend.  So I am soaking up every instance! 

anitaflora

Junebug - I wish I could give you a huge hug lady.  I'm so sorry that your journey has been so long too - and while I know you're overwhelmed by the idea of all you are going through to keep trying, I am glad you have a plan ahead and I keep you in my thoughts and prayers for your take home baby.  XOXO

Jertie - will be keeping you in my thoughts for your upcoming testing.  I hope that it all goes well and if they find anything that it's easily addressed in a way you're comfortable with.  And good luck for the end of this cycle - I hope you get a happy surprise.

e_cruiz - glad you are on some extra folic acid - I am on the same for what was discovered as a MTHFR mutation for me also.  Hope it makes a difference for both of us!

Fififa21 - just wishing you all the best and hugs your way also!  I can also relate to the aspect of distance in between.  Right now DS would be 4 if we got pregnant with a take home baby today.  It's definitely more than I had hoped, but right now I'm just hoping that we will be able to give him a sibling at all. 

Junebug060609

anitaflora said:

Hey Junebug.  Thanks so much for posting this.  I have been feeling really, really disconnected from most everything related to TB lately.  I've just been so, so down as far as our journey that I just haven't felt up to connecting on any level.  But I've been looking for this and thinking of the ladies that I share this path with right now...  So thank you again.

How are you ladies doing today? 

Today was pretty rough.  Well, this week was pretty rough overall.  I was going to have my CD 3 bloodwork and testing redone but it was cancelled since the office refused to see me because of our past due bill.  What's really pathetic is that if we had just done the incentive tasks that my health insurance offers for us to do, we would have had the bill paid and this never would have been an issue.  I was really, really aggravated when the financial office wouldn't let me make any arrangement other than pay the entire balance in full the day before the appointment was for.  And he just said well, no, if you can't pay the entire balance right now I have no choice but to cancel your appointment.

Ugh.  Anyway....

So now we're doing the things we gotta do to get the money put into our account to pay the bill etc.  But I keep thinking well hell, if I were pregnant would you refuse service too then?!?  I don't know.  At this point, thankfully (in some ways, not thankfully in others) I'm not on any kind of treatment plan so it's not like I'm being denied service when there's treatment going on.  But it was all still extremely upsetting.

And what's difficult too is that my husband handles all of our finances.  So I had discussed the bill with him etc. and felt it was in his hands to handle and deal with.... so I didn't really have any insight into where things stood other than that I knew he had been making payments.

But what was really tough was tonight going to this family function of my husbands and having two women I didn't know walk up to me and see my son and ask us, "So, you just have the one then?"

I swear I wanted to simultaneously burst out crying (which I just did by the way), and tell them, "No, we've had five miscarriages instead, thanks."  I am glad my husband was there because I had literally no answer for these women.  It sucked on so many levels.  It's such a crappy thing to say really, regardless of whether it's by choice or not that you "only" have one.  But I think it's worse when it's not by choice.  Ugh.

Where are you in the TTCAL process?

Wow.  1 year and 8 months we've been trying.  That is shocking to me.  My RE has absolutely no recommendation for us other than to keep trying on our own without any medical intervention.  And just cross our fingers basically.  I have very mixed emotions about it but I really do believe it's a matter of egg quality for me and that short of taking a regimen of COQ10 (which there's no proof it works but just hoping it does - and my RE apparently knew nothing about this), there's nothing I can do to change it.  We discussed going on clomid but my RE does not support that since I'm ovulating on my own and it would possibly interfere with my lining. 

Anything in particular that you're struggling with? 

Struggling with the length of this journey.  Struggling with (as I know so many of those in this check in are) the heartbreak that I may never have another child.  Struggling with how naïve I was before about all of this.  Really, really feeling the heartbreak of it all lately.  I want my son to have a sibling so much.  I am starting to try to think about other ways he might have opportunities to develop other types of relationships in his life.  I'm trying to see the side where maybe his being an only child will open up more for him in some ways than if we did have another child.  That probably sounds weird but I'm really trying to look for positives in a scenario where all I feel is heartbreak.  But I really have a strong faith that there is a reason for everything and maybe there is some reason for him in his life that I have no idea about that it's beneficial for him to not have a sibling. 

I really, really hope not. But who knows what his life is meant to be.  Not me!

....and because every one of you who fits this check in has a sweetie at home, tell me something your LO(s) have done lately that has brightened your day!

Several times a day he tells me that I'm his best friend.  I treasure it dearly since I know there will come a day when I have to take a back seat to some other best friend.  So I am soaking up every instance! 

My heart goes out to you on so many levels.

I get the frustrations with not being able to get the treatment you want when you want it for sure.  This was supposed to be our surgery cycle and next month clomid...now it's looking like this cycle will be au natural and maybe we'll get the hysteroscopy in Sept...and then Oct and potentially Nov (if DH is around) will be on our own. 

I've been getting the "Is he an only child?" question A LOT lately from people trying to treat D for his delays.  Talk about bringing a sensitive subject into an already rough situation...I absolutely HATE that question.  Yeah, he is an only child...FOR NOW...but thanks for reminding me that life hasn't turned out how we'd hoped.  <--How I want to respond, usually I just say that he is an only right now. 

I've been trying to find the positives in the situation as well.  Lately it's been that him being an only (for now!) and my not being pregnant while DH is deployed will make it easier for me to put the time and energy into helping D.  It's exhausting engaging him as much as possible and toting him around to various specialists, and I don't foresee that getting any less after the move.  I feel the same that you describe, like things happen for a reason, and this is the only reason I can come up with. 

 

ksyknelvr73

@Junebug060609, it was me that was posting it. I went on vacation, then the format changed and I was locked out for a few days, then I got a BFP and have had another loss and have not emotionally been in a frame of mind to run it. So thank you for posting, b/c I know there is a need here and I feel terrible that I slacked off. Would you like to post each week? If not, we can alternate...whatever you think would be best.

How are you ladies doing today?  I think I am doing okay today.

Where are you in the TTCAL process? I think I am currently at the end of my natural miscarriage (for a chemical pregnancy). This is loss #2 since trying for baby #2. I went today for my lab orders for RPL testing and my appt is scheduled for Thursday.

Anything in particular that you're struggling with?  Everything?? I'm so angry and frustrated right now - another loss...and now testing (which I hope yields some answers). Also, I failed my last CPA exam (found out on Friday). Last week was pretty much the worst week I think I have ever had.

....and because every one of you who fits this check in has a sweetie at home, tell me something your LO(s) have done lately that has brightened your day! Honestly, DS is one of the only things that does brighten my day at this point. He has been SUPER sweet lately - very affectionate and loving. But something that was super cute the other day is that he was really in a singing mood and so he started singing "Twinkle twinkle" and in the middle he changed his mind and went to "Itsy bitsy spider" and I got it on video I watch it now anytime I feel discouraged.

ksyknelvr73

anitaflora said:

Hey Junebug.  Thanks so much for posting this.  I have been feeling really, really disconnected from most everything related to TB lately.  I've just been so, so down as far as our journey that I just haven't felt up to connecting on any level.  But I've been looking for this and thinking of the ladies that I share this path with right now...  So thank you again.

How are you ladies doing today? 

Today was pretty rough.  Well, this week was pretty rough overall.  I was going to have my CD 3 bloodwork and testing redone but it was cancelled since the office refused to see me because of our past due bill.  What's really pathetic is that if we had just done the incentive tasks that my health insurance offers for us to do, we would have had the bill paid and this never would have been an issue.  I was really, really aggravated when the financial office wouldn't let me make any arrangement other than pay the entire balance in full the day before the appointment was for.  And he just said well, no, if you can't pay the entire balance right now I have no choice but to cancel your appointment.

Ugh.  Anyway....

So now we're doing the things we gotta do to get the money put into our account to pay the bill etc.  But I keep thinking well hell, if I were pregnant would you refuse service too then?!?  I don't know.  At this point, thankfully (in some ways, not thankfully in others) I'm not on any kind of treatment plan so it's not like I'm being denied service when there's treatment going on.  But it was all still extremely upsetting.

And what's difficult too is that my husband handles all of our finances.  So I had discussed the bill with him etc. and felt it was in his hands to handle and deal with.... so I didn't really have any insight into where things stood other than that I knew he had been making payments.

But what was really tough was tonight going to this family function of my husbands and having two women I didn't know walk up to me and see my son and ask us, "So, you just have the one then?"

I swear I wanted to simultaneously burst out crying (which I just did by the way), and tell them, "No, we've had five miscarriages instead, thanks."  I am glad my husband was there because I had literally no answer for these women.  It sucked on so many levels.  It's such a crappy thing to say really, regardless of whether it's by choice or not that you "only" have one.  But I think it's worse when it's not by choice.  Ugh.

Where are you in the TTCAL process?

Wow.  1 year and 8 months we've been trying.  That is shocking to me.  My RE has absolutely no recommendation for us other than to keep trying on our own without any medical intervention.  And just cross our fingers basically.  I have very mixed emotions about it but I really do believe it's a matter of egg quality for me and that short of taking a regimen of COQ10 (which there's no proof it works but just hoping it does - and my RE apparently knew nothing about this), there's nothing I can do to change it.  We discussed going on clomid but my RE does not support that since I'm ovulating on my own and it would possibly interfere with my lining. 

Anything in particular that you're struggling with? 

Struggling with the length of this journey.  Struggling with (as I know so many of those in this check in are) the heartbreak that I may never have another child.  Struggling with how naïve I was before about all of this.  Really, really feeling the heartbreak of it all lately.  I want my son to have a sibling so much.  I am starting to try to think about other ways he might have opportunities to develop other types of relationships in his life.  I'm trying to see the side where maybe his being an only child will open up more for him in some ways than if we did have another child.  That probably sounds weird but I'm really trying to look for positives in a scenario where all I feel is heartbreak.  But I really have a strong faith that there is a reason for everything and maybe there is some reason for him in his life that I have no idea about that it's beneficial for him to not have a sibling. 

I really, really hope not. But who knows what his life is meant to be.  Not me!

....and because every one of you who fits this check in has a sweetie at home, tell me something your LO(s) have done lately that has brightened your day!

Several times a day he tells me that I'm his best friend.  I treasure it dearly since I know there will come a day when I have to take a back seat to some other best friend.  So I am soaking up every instance! 

@anitaflora, I also want to second what Junebug says, my heart goes out to you also...I can relate and empathize on so many levels. I have never felt so isolated in my entire life. It's such a weird, emotional spot to be in, where us ladies are right now. The hardest part is that we envisioned our children having siblings and it just seems like it shouldn't be this much of a struggle for it to happen.

ksyknelvr73

Fififa21 said:

I´m doing ok. We are 6 months past our most recent loss and DH still isnt quite ready to try again. But we´re not doing anything to prevent either, just not officially trying and having sex near O.  I´ve been more than ready for a while now, as my thinking is that even if we do get pregnant quickly, we more than likely will lose it and have to start all over, thus taking even more time. So I´m ready to at least get the ball rolling, I don´t want Lucas and his (hopeful) sibling to be too far apart in age. Even if we get pregnant this cycle, they will be about 2.5 years apart, which is more than I wanted, but oh well. It´s out of my control now! Sometimes I wonder if he will even be able to have a sibling...I don´t want him growing up an only child! I have an appointment with my OBGYN on Wednesday for my annual pap smear and to start doing some testing to see if there´s anything wrong with me. Hoping that everything comes back normal.

Lucas brightens my day pretty much every day. He is the sweetest, most affectionate little boy. He will just randomly come up to my or DH and hug us or kiss us. Always brings a smile to our faces :-)

Big hugs to everyone else and good luck to everybody too!

I can completely relate to the whole "they'll be farther apart than we wanted" statement. I always wanted my kids 2-3 years apart, and even if I got pregnant this cycle, my son would be just over 3. I am 4 yrs apart from my brother and sister and I never wanted that for my child(ren).

chknma

Thanks for posting the check-in Junebug

I'm late to the check-in but really need it today and don't want to whine on TTCAL about these things.

Where we are:
This is our 5th cycle TTC #2. We've had 2 early losses before 5 weeks on cycles 1 and 3. We were told to TTA between each loss (2 and 4) so this is technically the third cycle we'll be trying. While I'm trying to be hopeful, I just feel like I'm waiting for a third loss so we can move forward.

Struggles:
And my self blaming makes me feel so sad that we are good at getting pregnant but my body isn't doing its job keeping the pregnancy.

I found out today that a second mom is expecting at our daycare. Our regs only allow 2 under 2. This means that if we get pregnant any time soon we will have to move DD and #2. I'm so sad about this. we love our provider and keep thinking that we would have gotten a spot if either of our pregnancies would have survived.

I'm also getting more antsy about the spacing. I know that we will be happy to have a healthy pregnancy/child regardless, but as the months go by I feel like I'm feeling more pressure.

Happy thoughs:
DD makes me smile every day. DH helped her pick me some flowers which she was so excited to give me. I just love all the new things she is saying and love watching her take such good care of her baby doll. She is also so sweet with our dog--except when she is having a bossy No moment!

Hope everyone has a good week and Extra hugs to those that need them!