I need to get this in writing ASAP.

+just+j+

XH and I made peace two days ago after butting heads this past weekend. I know when to ask for favors. In this case, it's more than that, it's getting him to agree in how I would like to raise DD.

I went to see my Priest today.  I'm Catholic and I wanted to know how to rectify my standing in the church (essentially meaning, regain my ability to  receive sacrements), as well as get DD baptized.  While I learned that I could do it myself and the Church would recognize it, I want it to be something more formal and appropriate.  I can have this done, but XH would have to approve because it is stated in our CO that he has 50% say in it.

So I asked him today. He agreed.  As long as he could be a part of the blessing, he was okay with it.

He was in such a good mood that I asked him another favor - can I raise her in the Church and put her thru Catholic School?  Where I am moving to, I can then live anywhere and be assured that she will be in a good school with structure and discipline, as well as be raised in the Church.  I won't have to worry about  whatever district I'm in.  He agreed.  And get this...he said, "I want her to be like her momma."  Very contradictory to last week, but I should know he says things just to get at me. 

I then asked him if we could change DD's middle name to my grandmother's name and get rid of him mother's middle name.  That one he wants to think on. So I'll wait until his mother ticks him off again and ask him then. He agreed to it at one time.  I am almost sure I can get him to agree again.

I have to get the baptism and schooling in writing, as well as processed thru the courts at some point.  My Priest seemed to think that her second communion would be the best time, but I may do something a little more formally in the next year or so. I'm not in a rush to do all of this tomorrow, but it's nice to have things lined up so I can progress forward appropriately.

This is HUGE.  And it means a ton to me.  I want DD to be raised formally in a religion, and with structure and discipline, and because he is not actively pursuing and practicing his, it's going to be mine.

This is just one more way I feel I am cleansing myself of a dark part of my past.  DD can also progress and begin an important and critical part of her life as well on the right foot.

twitchy4

I'm not at all religious so forgive my uneducated question. Did you need EX permission for the Church to move forward or just to be in compliance with your CO?

+just+j+

Twitchy -  Both.  Because the CO states it, I need his formal approval because he could hold me in contempt, and could quite possibly sue the Church.  In our CO, he gets say in her education and religion.

The Church however would not turn her down for Baptism if I requested it. They just feel it's best and appropriate to have the other parent's approval.

It's also pointless to baptize her in the Church - which essentially states that I am promising to raise her Catholic. Which means First Communion and Confirmation.  That's not something I can quietly do without XH knowing - nor would I want to keep it from him.

It's just the right thing to do to get his approval.

 

+just+j+

andrea99 said:

That's awesome! Catholic school was one major thing for DH, and he was fortunate to have that signed off early also. I'm glad things are looking up for you, J!

XH was very opposed to it in the divorce.  I didn't push it then because I figured I would either do exactly what I'm doing now, or I would just take her to Church with me, and let her decide later.  

docco11

I am a former Catholic...former only because of my divorce...and I would need a Catholic recognized and initiated annulment (different than a legal annulment) to once again start being able to receive the sacraments.  And this is not an easy task.  Are you sure that the Priest meant that you can once again become a practicing Catholic?  Or do you think he meant that you can raise your daughter Catholic, despite your divorce, and you not personally partake in the sacraments.

 

 

+just+j+

Docco - It is my understanding from Father, that you are always Catholic. It's a matter of if you are practicing or not.  I am not a practicing Catholic. I currently, do not got to mass - but I could and I am going to start going again.  I just can not receive communion at mass.

Just because you divorced, does not mean you are kicked out of the Church.  You just can not receive the sacraments. Essentially, you can not receive communion, marry in the Church again, etc, until you pursue an annulment.  Annulments are not easy, no.  And they are not meant to be, but it is not impossible. If you are willing to do what is required, you can again receive the sacraments.  They would also never say that you can not raise your children Catholic if you do not pursue the annulment. 

I could in fact raise DD Catholic without doing this.  I just want  her baptized, and to get her on track and begin her Catholic up-bringing.

It is easier for me because as far as the Church is concerned, I never was married in their eyes - I was married in a civil ceremony and never had the blessing of the Church - however, they do recognize the legality of it and would never grant me this without a legal Court Ordered divorce. I will have to prove that I am legally divorced, and the Marriage Council, would then review my basic records with the Church in regards to my baptism, confirmation, etc. and the big piece of it - I have to confess my sin and serve Penance - whatever that may be with my priest that I confess to.  I will be doing this once I move, and establish myself with my new parish, because I will have to submit my request thru one diocese.

I can not recall what he called what I was doing, but it was not technically an annulment.  I would not need XH's approval or any kind of statement from him, like they would typically want in an annulment.   For me, it is definitely easier, but I would check again with your Priest and Parish again.  They don't shun or turn members away just because they divorced - unless of course you are Orthodox.  That, I think is an entirely different ball game.  

HisChamaoleGirl

Other than his family being BSC, is there a reason  you want to change DD middle name?

+just+j+

I want to sever all ties to his mother.  I felt pressured to give her the middle name and to this day, still don't have a straight answer to it's family origin but oh it was so important to her if we gave her a family name.  So it was a reluctant favor to XH's mother.

The middle name I want to give her is my grandmother's name.  My name was her nickname. I wanted to name her after my grandmother, but he hated the name.  I regret not pushing the issue.

My family name has meaning behind it. It's honorable because of who my grandmother was as a person, and I can show her pictures, and tell her stories about her great grandmother and feel GOOD about it. I can't with her current middle name.  It's like a mark to me.

Crazy, I know, but I want to wipe all the negativity and manipulation I went thru with them, out of my life and move forward in a positive direction.  DD's name just bugs me to my core.

Maybe that's petty, but in my family - your name, who and where you come from is a big deal.

docco11

I DO stand corrected J.  I forgot the "little" detail that you have not remarried (duh, you just got divorced!)  That is why I cannot partake in the sacraments, I am remarried. 

I am happy for you that you and your DD will be able to practice the faith of your choice!