yet another cs modification post

HisChamaoleGirl

Background: My last post about this was about a conversation that was had with BM about a modification. We are due for a modification based on income change and BM just recently quit her job. She said that DH should pay more bc she no longer works.

Anyway, she just added that SS tuition for his school went up so she wants even more money. DH never agreed for SS to go to this religion based school and its even in their CO that BM and DH are to make all religious decisions together. When we discussed it with our attorney he said that DH didn't have to pay for it but fighting for a school change would be pretty pointless bc SS is going into the 4th grade and a judge may say that changing his school now would be too disruptive to SS life. I looked into the claims that the school's tuition went up and according to the school's website, nothing has changed since last years rates.

DH's cs has extracurricular activities factored into it and BM is now saying if DH doesn't agree to paying for the alleged tuition changes than SS will not be able to play soccer, football and baseball this year as she will be using the extracurricular activities funds for tuition.

Since the funds are specifically stated to be used for extracurricular activities can DH ask for this to be enforced? It seems really silly to even start a sort of "war" with her over this, but SS is already overweight and its important to DH that SS stay active while in BMs care. Which is the whole reason for the additional funds.

I'm thinking she is trying to push DH into a corner to voluntarily offer more money and he should just ignore her requests/threats. Thoughts?

2chatter

I hate these games!  BM here is famous for them.  "SD needs Miss Me jeans, and you won't buy them, so the kids won't have any FOOD you mean ogre!"  We ignore all these random trade off emails.  If she uses funds earmarked for ECs, nail her for contempt.  Until then, you just have to wait and see.  If she's like BM here, she will shoot herself in the foot until she notices that it hurts.  It takes a while.  So SS might miss summer two a days, but she will get him going late.  You, meanwhile, are filing contempt.

Ignore her rewriting of the CO about tuition.  That's the hardest thing in the world for me - when BM creates storms over imaginary issues...it's hard not to engage.  But don't.  Just let her know that you don't intend to pay more as tuition has not increased.  Then leave it alone.

CFjo2010

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL* said:

Background: My last post about this was about a conversation that was had with BM about a modification. We are due for a modification based on income change and BM just recently quit her job. She said that DH should pay more bc she no longer works.

Anyway, she just added that SS tuition for his school went up so she wants even more money. DH never agreed for SS to go to this religion based school and its even in their CO that BM and DH are to make all religious decisions together. When we discussed it with our attorney he said that DH didn't have to pay for it but fighting for a school change would be pretty pointless bc SS is going into the 4th grade and a judge may say that changing his school now would be too disruptive to SS life. I looked into the claims that the school's tuition went up and according to the school's website, nothing has changed since last years rates.

DH's cs has extracurricular activities factored into it and BM is now saying if DH doesn't agree to paying for the alleged tuition changes than SS will not be able to play soccer, football and baseball this year as she will be using the extracurricular activities funds for tuition.

Since the funds are specifically stated to be used for extracurricular activities can DH ask for this to be enforced? It seems really silly to even start a sort of "war" with her over this, but SS is already overweight and its important to DH that SS stay active while in BMs care. Which is the whole reason for the additional funds.

I'm thinking she is trying to push DH into a corner to voluntarily offer more money and he should just ignore her requests/threats. Thoughts?

My response to BM (and be prepared I'm not a nice person):

Then get your ass back to work and help support your child.

The End.  If she is voluntarily quitting her job, then she's a craptastic mother for making her child lose out on all these things, not your DH.

HisChamaoleGirl

piffle42 said:

Without proof she's fresh out of luck. Plus, she could get a job. With a 17 yo it's not like she has to worry about him being home alone. I have heard of cases where tuition for a private school is ordered, even when the NCP doesn't agree. It typically has to do with the quality of the public schools in the area.

piffle42 said:

Without proof she's fresh out of luck. Plus, she could get a job. With a 17 yo it's not like she has to worry about him being home alone. I have heard of cases where tuition for a private school is ordered, even when the NCP doesn't agree. It typically has to do with the quality of the public schools in the area.

I'm still shaking my head about her quitting her job, but I am accepting its not something I have input on. I think you are confusing me with someone else bc SS is 9 yo. I'm not sure if that changes your answer at all.

The quality of school he is in may also be part of the reason she chose the school she did, but with DH's military status, he could have gone to a better FREE school, but she said no. I wonder if BM tries to take this further if pointing out the above would make a difference.

Ilumine

I would not provide more money for the school.  Even IF there is an increase in tuition, in intact families the three choices would be:

1) stay in the private school and not do extracurriculars (no child died from not playing soccer) 

2) remove him from the private school and continue with the extracurriculars

3) parents get a second job to pay for everything.  And since she has not gotten a first job, then #3 is on her. 

That is what thousands of Intact Families have to decide every year, all over this country. 

And in HER case she has a 4th option, put the boy in the DoDDS school. Now she may not have that option due to the school, but I know of at least 3 sets of german-american kids (dad was american GI and mom is gewrman and after the divorce and PCS, the kids stayed in Germany) who were in the Spang DoDDs school.  

Let HER take YOU to court. Then YOU can provide YOUR financial information and see what the courts say/do

HisChamaoleGirl

Ilumine said:

I would not provide more money for the school.  Even IF there is an increase in tuition, in intact families the three choices would be:

1) stay in the private school and not do extracurriculars (no child died from not playing soccer) 

2) remove him from the private school and continue with the extracurriculars

3) parents get a second job to pay for everything.  And since she has not gotten a first job, then #3 is on her. 

That is what thousands of Intact Families have to decide every year, all over this country. 

And in HER case she has a 4th option, put the boy in the DoDDS school. Now she may not have that option due to the school, but I know of at least 3 sets of german-american kids (dad was american GI and mom is gewrman and after the divorce and PCS, the kids stayed in Germany) who were in the Spang DoDDs school.  

Let HER take YOU to court. Then YOU can provide YOUR financial information and see what the courts say/do

While reading this post I was thinking "wow this sounds like Illume!" Your new siggy threw me off for a minute :-)

Yes SS has the option of going to the school on base (right next to his house BTW) but BM said she doesn't want him going there bc her mother teaches there. He lives with that grandmother and has no chance of being in her class, but BM has reasons she wont share with us for him not attending. I don't understand it especially since the quality of education would be better. Another thing that confuses me is BM is Catholic but the school she chose for SS is Baptist. He's only nine, but already is asking questions bc what he learns in school contradicts what he learns on Sundays at church.

2chatter

Does DH have joint legal?  Seeing the addtl information about school would make me shift my focus - away from money and towards education - which just happens to have a potential financial benefit.  It's crazy to me he's Catholic enrolled in a subpar compared to the free school Baptist school based only on BM's super secret reasons.

HisChamaoleGirl

Yes DH has joint legal, but based on the advice of the attorney I listed above, DH hasn't fought the school decision in a court setting.

Ilumine

Again, I would not provide the money.  

But I would also start doing some research before I sent her a formal "Hell No."  I would get all of the information on all of the schools involved: test scores, graduation into college numbers, class sizes, extra circulars provided on campus (and if SS does not use the school's soccer teams notate that), ciricculums used and any reviews on them. 

Then I would say something along the lines of:

Until now I have not interfered with your decisions regarding SS's education to date, because I have felt that you would have chosen his school after carefully researching and comparing your options.

However, after your latest communique regarding the increase in school tuition, I was concerned so I did my own research on SS's current school and the other schools SS is able to attend.  Here are the links to the information I was able to find regarding the schools test score, placements statistics, curriculum and overall benefits. 

In my opinion, using the above information, it does not seem that Baptist School is the best option for SS.  And since you will not provide me a valid reason for your choice in Baptist school vs the other options, I no longer see a reason for my financial support. 

Since SS is already settled in this school, I will not remove all of my financial support.  I will continue to pay the same amount in tuition that I have done before.    

The decision to continue with this school, using the assumption that there is a tuition hike, is now on you, since I do not agree with the choice of school.  However, your decision to stay wtih this school even with the supposed tuition hike, will not affect SS's extra-cirriculars.  Our court order includes extra monies specifically for these activities, NOT for school tuition that, also under our court order, I have equal say in. 

If you use these monies for anything other than their Court Ordered purpose, I will have to start paying them directly to <insert names of the sports organizations that cover SS's activities> instead of through you."

Now, I would run that by your lawyer, but I am not liking your lawyer all that much.  I get that your DH created a precedent and all by his lack of action when she first put him in the Baptist school, but precedents can be changed, especially when you can prove that the alternative is actually better for your SS>