court tomorrow for CS and paternity what to focus on?

Pamelacake

DH has court tomorrow with BM for CS. At first I didn't think this was such a big deal but BM keeps saying she is having a paternity test done on 5yo SD but not 6yo SD. It is clear that 5yo SD is favored and always has been. That's why 6yo SD is kind of behind. I don't want to focus on that b/c 6yo SD actually looks not like DH at all.

I'm very nervous and don't want to see anything happen to these girls. With what just happened last week, I think it's clear that even if paternity came back as not DH's, neither would go to BM. They would either remain here or be placed in the system.. If BM is even granted a paternity test.

The money part, yeah it would be useful even though BM is totally sure that DH will get nothing, DH didn't file for CS. The prosecutor did it for him. DH is now wishing that it wasn't filed. BM has been threatening the paternity test since the motion was put in.

  I know I'm probably just being really nervous but does anyone  have any input on a situation like this? I know it's a very touchy one.

SimpleJane

So, she doesn't think the 5 yo is DHs? Yikes. I mean, if shes asking for a test that means shethinks there is at least a chance he's not the father. That could potentially cause all kinds of problems.

No advice here, just thoughts and prayers.

Pamelacake

Thanks. There is a known possibility that neither is his. 5yo looks a lot like him but could possibly belong to a cousin. I just really don't see them taking them from him. They were married during both births, He's on both birth certificates.. I know is some cases that stuff doesn't matter.

I really hope it plays a huge role in this one.

Thank You

 

Lavender P

Im so sorry you are dealing with more drama. In a worst case scenario, if one of the girl's is not his, not all hope is lost. Depending on what state you are in, there may be a presumption of paternity. That means that if you are mrried and get pregnant, then the man you are married to is presumed to be the father, even if you have an affair. That would definitely work in DH's favor. Or the fact that he is on both birth certificates and has raised both girls as his own for so long, he may still get rights even of it is proved they are not biologically his. I'm sure she is just mad and lashing out so it won't amount to anything. Either way, I'm sure it is really stressful and I wish you all good luck and some peace of mind.

twister22

BD & I mediated our CO, but we still went before a judge, and the judge asked BD if he would like a paternity test. BD said no, and the judge warned him that if he waived one now that he was waiving that right here on out, and even if DS was ever proven to not be his that CS would continue. BD still waived it. (There's no chance any one else could be the father anyway, so NBD.) Do you know if anything like that happened with DH? I know they were married and I believe you guys are in a different state, so I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't ask DH that.

Regardless, I think Lavendar's right. T&Ps your way - keep us updated please!

Pamelacake

We are in Indiana and when CS is applied for, the defendant has the right to ask for a paternity test. I'm assuming that's generally for NCDads who have doubts or try to get out of paying.

There is no way she could take care of either one of SD's.

I'm really hoping her request is denied. She could be just lying, it's been done many times before, She has been threatening DH with this since she first got the papers in April. BM has said she has written the judge about it IDK how many times. But since I got some legal pull last week I know BM is on rampage.

I'm just confused and need to try to rest my mind. I have spoken with 2 attorneys in the same county over this and got two different answers. DH's attorney said it's a possibility but not likely that she will be able to take either even with a paternity test proving not to be DH's.

I just hope that the outcome from last week has an impact on that. BM got supervised visits for harming the children's mental health.

They won't be going in front of a judge, just the CS prosecutor and an attorney will be there for each of them through the prosecutor's office. DH's attorney was going to go as well but DH told him he didn't need him to, to save cost and the attorney agreed.

Thanks Ladies. I have just finished up some notes for tomorrow and going to try to relax.. I'm sure I won't be able to sleep.

I'll definitely update.

Pamelacake

I looked up the presumed paternity last night and Indiana is one of the states that has it, Which I was happy to know about. Thank you so much for that . One of the attorneys brought it up but I didn't know the legal term for it.

This motion was put in by the prosecutor when DH was checking on his CS from BM1. This case popped up and the prosecutor literally slammed her hands down on her desk three times shaking her head and repeating "this is just not right" She was furious. When the divorce decree and c/o were put in, the judge (fill in judge) said in court that BM was to pay child support, When we got the C/O in the mail the whole CS section was crossed out with a pen before being copied.

Yes, both of the girls are on Medicaid and they have been since birth. I wanted to take them off but we can't afford their medical bills right now,

 4yo SD  (5 now) has bad teeth, They are still a little stained but she has gone 4 times in the last 10 months to have cavities filled. She hates to brush her teeth so doesn't really do a great job of it. Sometimes DH or I do it for her. Her dentist can tell when we do it bc her teeth are much cleaner.

6yo SD has a condition that makes her really big for her age. It really effects her self esteem. I'm not a tiny woman and she can fit into a lot of my clothes. we have come a long way with her self esteem but still have lots of work to do. She has to take a daily medication to help her use the restroom. She has a very hard time having a bowel movement. I think a lot of it had to do with her diet as she is slimming down a little but her Medicaid covers the cost of her medications. I do think there is possibly an underlying condition going on with her but I wasn't able to suggest anything. I don't have the same type of relationship with the Drs office as I do with the school and the counselor's. We have been chalking it up to her using food as comfort.

Didn't mean for that to be so long. I remember looking into this when BM first started saying she wanted the paternity test. If she does get it and proves DH not to be the father, if the BD doesn't want to step up then DH would still be considered BD. And we all know DH's cousin wants nothing to do with her or SD. I'm not too concerned bc SD does look like DH.

and 6yo SD's probable BD for certain wants nothing to do with SD. He taunted DH after SD was born, kept texting him, how does it feel to raise my kid and stupid stuff like that. But she isn't after 6yo SD..

I just hope they deny the paternity test altogether. It has to be approved by the judge and they have to have the most recent c/o in front of them anyways.

I decided not to go and to leave all evidence out. The money would help but we would rather have SD's. I'm hoping BM will make and @ss out of herself like she normally does and they just deny it.

twister22

Pamelacake said:

 4yo SD  (5 now) has bad teeth, They are still a little stained but she has gone 4 times in the last 10 months to have cavities filled. She hates to brush her teeth so doesn't really do a great job of it. Sometimes DH or I do it for her. Her dentist can tell when we do it bc her teeth are much cleaner.

Not to get off topic but I would be brushing SD's teeth at least once a day for her. DS(4.5) has always gotten perfect scores at the dentist's office (they do a "report card" at our Pediatric Dentist). Each morning will typically let DS brush his teeth on his own, and then in the evening DS brushes again on his own, and then either DH or I will do it again for him.

karatechrissy

I hope everything goes well. For all you know she is just threatening because she knows that there may be a sliver of a doubt in his mind.  

Sending you T&P

Pamelacake

Yes we do need to start doing it more often. I'm also thinking of asking the dentist if there is a different toothpaste that would be better for her. She tends to want to brush better when we brush together as well but it doesn't always work out like that. I also got her some little princess flossies and we do that together. 6yo SD has perfect teeth. I think it has a lot to do with what 5yo SD gets away with eating. Nothing but junk food. She would rather starve than eat a vegetable or a fruit unless it has sugar on it.

Thank you. I can definitely see that. BM has proven to do or say anything to try to get out of court for anything involving the girls. She tried to bribe DH with money to not go last week.   I can't believe they aren't done yet. It has been 2 hours.

 

 

:-q [-X

KTdidit

T&P for you that everything goes well. I can't believe that after this long, and only after CS is brought up, that she would pull the paternity BS. Even in the small possibility that your DH isn't biologically the girl's father, I'm sure the courts wouldn't take her from him. He's been her dad for 5 years. And yes, if the child is on state support of any kind they are required to collect CS. Helps mitigate state costs. So she can be p!ssed about that all she wants, there's nothing you or your DH can do about it.

Pamelacake

Yeah. I think she's a very special, one of a kind, I really hope they wouldn't. One of the attorneys said the same thing. He has been there since day one and she wouldn't be able to take her.

I mean.. if she really wanted SD and was able to take care of her, why did we have to put up with all of the phone calls saying she was coming to pickup for her not to show up and threats to us and our family and ugh.. makes me insane. But most of all... why wouldn't she take SD with her from the start, why did she agree to let SD's stay with DH.

Sorry.. went off on a rant there. Thank you and I really hope to get a call soon but maybe the fact that it's taking so long is a good thing. I'm glad I didn't go. but I feel like I am on death row or something.

:-S

Littlejen22

You should be brushing the teeth of a child until they are of an age to write cursive which is the age where they can turn their wrist to the correct angle to get all sides of their teeth. My son is 6.5 and has excellent hygiene and I brush his teeth one a day because dentists say at 6 they still will not get all the surfaces. An electric toothbrush is the best since it spins faster than you could brush. Let them pick their own kids spin brush, they are around five dollars. Honestly if a 4yo is getting cavities and an adult is not brushing their teeth I would not consider it a condition but not being properly taken care of.

As for the rest, good luck. Remember that looks does not mean they are or are not related especially if the other possible family member is a relative. What a Jerry Springer situation.

Pamelacake

Littlejen22 said:

You should be brushing the teeth of a child until they are of an age to write cursive which is the age where they can turn their wrist to the correct angle to get all sides of their teeth. My son is 6.5 and has excellent hygiene and I brush his teeth one a day because dentists say at 6 they still will not get all the surfaces. An electric toothbrush is the best since it spins faster than you could brush. Let them pick their own kids spin brush, they are around five dollars. Honestly if a 4yo is getting cavities and an adult is not brushing their teeth I would not consider it a condition but not being properly taken care of. As for the rest, good luck. Remember that looks does not mean they are or are not related especially if the other possible family member is a relative. What a Jerry Springer situation.

I never had the teeth brushing issue with my BK's so thank you for that. I bought both SD's spin brushes and after an 8 hour visit with BM SD's threw them away.

As far as looks, I know that too.. all too well. My XH was not my son's BD, DS was 3 when we met. But everyone said "he looks just like his dad" referring to XH

Pamelacake

No paternity test as of yet! No CS but meh.. They have another court date in September for child support, in the mean time, they called in DH's attorney, yes.. he was there! They want him to investigate BM to find out when she stopped claiming the girls, we know it was at least 3 months after separation, She will have to pay Social Security Disability back and pay DH what she was originally supposed to pay up to this day which was $200 a month as she was collecting $400 a month for SD's on her check.

While there, the attorney did tell DH a few rules for the supervised visitation.. but I want the whole list, I don't want to be unknowingly violating anything, I want it in black and white so we each have a copy of it. I know, I want a lot. lol

The rules he did set and told DH about were that BM's FI (being her ride) is not to speak to the girls on the phone, that is her time. If BM tries to make SD's talk to him the call is to be terminated. FI is not to stick around for visits, he is to drop BM off as they are her visits, not his and if BM or FI don't want to comply, the visit is terminated. This was put in because of the threats FI has made to DH.

And I was wrong about court last week.. the judge wasn't saying I will have legal guardianship if something happens to DH. The judge gave me legal guardianship.

 

 

 

 

^:)^

Littlejen22

Does that mean you have legal guardianship now? Does this judge have the legal authority to terminate parental rights because if he does it seems like he would with would be awesome for you guys.

Pamelacake

I have no clue.. that's what the paperwork says. I mean, I already do everything anyways, I enrolled them in school, I talk to their counselors, I can sign them out of school, and make decisions that DH or BM could make so it's really no different, just a document.

I was asked by the attorney months ago if I was willing to adopt bc in the case her rights were taken there had to be someone willing to adopt. He also said that the judge couldn't take her rights fully until a year was up. Which is in 2 months so if we can survive supervising the visits I am hoping we will be good to go.

 I have decided to use a video recorder (legal in our state) for the visits so nothing can be said that didn't actually happen and I can't find anyone else to do it.

SimpleJane

So, was the request for the paternity test heard? They denied it or she didn't present it? 

She doesn't have to pay child support at all from this point forward other than back support? That is BS. Major BS.

Otherwise, I think this situation is going to work out good for you guys. I doubt she will keep up with the supervised visits, and even if she does she will likely do something to violate the rules and her rights may be terminated completely. Very good call on the video recording.  

Pamelacake

DH said he heard nothing about a paternity test. So, we really don't know what happened with it.

I'm just assuming here but if BM did ask, they may be waiting until the follow up court date, which is scheduled right at a year from the original C/O,  to see if she is following through with her phone calls and visits. Bm has said she wrote to the courts to ask for a paternity test approx. 37 times but the attorney said they never received any letters from her asking for one.

Yeah it is BS and DH was pretty down about it but I told him that I would rather have both SD's here and safe than have a little bit of extra money, I know how to bargain shop and coupon so I'll just be doing more of that. DH agreed.

BM is more irate about having to be drug screened than having supervised visits.. just sad. So I'm hoping she does slip. I don't think she will keep up with the supervised visits b/c FI won't be able to be there. On the other hand, She really has it out for me now b/c I was appointed a legal guardian. So only time will tell. Thanks (=