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i dont know where else to turn

i'm not sure if this is the right place for this or even if anyone will see this but here goes nothing:

my boyfriend and i have arguments like normal couples but he gets to the point sometimes where he just wants to walk away. i cant stand that it infuriates me and i do not like to be ignored or walked away from. so i try to keep him from leaving. i dont do anything more than block the door way. i just want to talk so he can hear me out. i'll also throw things to alleviate my anger (i'm working on that) but not at him. he gets so mad at me for trying talk to him. we dont have these explosive arguments a lot but when we do he chokes me and throws me down. he tells me that its the only way to calm me down and if i would just let him leave that he wouldnt have to. i try to let him leave and most times it works i stifle my feelings enough so it doesnt hurt when he leaves. is this my fault? what do i do? i'm trying to make it better, i try not to get angry when he walks away from me. i just feel so bad and confused.

Re: i dont know where else to turn

  • The most important piece in all of this is him choking you and throwing you on the floor. Leave and leave now. That is abuse. The more you allow it the more violent it'll get. There's more I can touch on for both sides, but it doesn't matter, abuse isn't and will never be okay. You need to leave immediately. There is never any justification for something like that to be okay.

    "I stammered, unable to form a coherent thought because I have a vagina."

     

     

    [Deleted User]
  • so that means its my fault right? if i get help then maybe we wont have explosive arguments anymore
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  • myskyegirlmyskyegirl member
    edited July 2013
    In the chance that this is not a MUD, but, I can't tell now w/the last comment..

    Violence is NEVER ok, and it's NEVER your fault.  I know it's hard to leave when you don't know if you're strong enough,but this is him telling you this and he's lying to you so you feel this way.  You are strong enough to leave and you need to know this.  There are abuse hotlines, please I think I speak for the entire board when I say call and call now.  It's esp important if your user name is accurate and you have a child. Don't allow your son to grow up in an abused home, don't allow him to be hurt and think it's ok t hurt others.  https://www.thehotline.org/
    [Deleted User]
  • KenziKKenziK member
    This comes off as MUD to me as well. If everything you are saying is true though, no it is not your fault that your boyfriend is putting his hands on your in a violent way. You should not allow someone else to treat you that way, and if I were in your shoes I would be out the door for good. That's not a healthy relationship at all.
  • whats a MUD? i thought i knew what abuse was...he doesnt do it unless i make him mad, he's a great father. i dnt know. maybe i shouldnt have posted this, i just think its me. i'm sorry for bothering you all. thanks for the advise
  • I will ignore that last comment in the hope that this is real, or if it isn't, it helps someone who reads it. An abusive relationship can never be fixed. Once the line is crossed and accepted the first time (i.e. justifying it, allowing it to happen without pressing charges, not leaving the relationship) there will always be violence in the relationship. No amount of counseling, classes or help will ever change that. The only way to fix an abusive relationship is to leave it behind and never look back.

    "I stammered, unable to form a coherent thought because I have a vagina."

     

     

    myskyegirl[Deleted User]
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • Sounds like he is trying to walk away to keep from getting violent and you actively work to prevent allowing him to leave. WTF. Not a healthy relationship for either of you.

    "We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch

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