Visitors the first week

AACaHa13

What are you ladies doing about visitors wanting to come see the baby that first week? Are you telling everyone now how you feel about it or waiting until LO gets here? I am already overwhelmed and having anxiety over the issue because I have so many family members that want to see LO. I know that I am going to be irritable and trying to establish a routine with my newborn and understand that everyone is excited to see the baby but I feel like I will need some space and time! I don't know how to relay this information to everyone without looking and seeming like a total beotch. I mean honestly, I have even considered just not telling extended family/friends about LO's arrival until a week after. It's just NOT something I even want to be thinking about right now!!!

bendicott7

People that have asked I told that we won't have visitors until the end of the first week at the earliest because we will need time to get settled and whatnot without lots of people around.

Emeraldeyed315

I think we will be okay with short visits from people. DH is in charge of that timeline of visits. It's hard to say now what we will be okay with, so we are winging it. We are not having any overnight guests stay with us for a few weeks after LO comes though. 

RoosterMemphis

I couldn't care less if people think I'm being bitchy. i will have just pushed a st. bernard out of me(Friends reference) therefore i set the rules. we aren't allowing anyone over to visit until 2 weeks after LO's arrival. do what you are comfortable with.

BelhurstBride

I had no idea how I would feel and didn't say anything pre DD's arrival. But it got old, fast. 

I told my family I was overwhelmed and needed time alone with DD and DH. They understood and waited to be invited. 

DH told his family. They still hold it against us. 

You win some, you lose some. 

BlondieBia21

Here is what we are doing, ours is a bit different because we live 2 hours away from any of our friends or family. 

Day of Induction: Parents/Siblings of myself and FI can come to the hospital. They can come by the room for 30 minutes at a time, up until I say stay out. No one but FI and I will be in the room when baby comes. Since we will be at the hospital, my parents will stay at our house so they can take care of the doggy. FI's parents and siblings will stay in a hotel. (This is easiest for them because one of his brother's has cerebral palsy.) 

People are welcome to stay at our house during the day when we get to come home, but no one will be staying the night. It sounds like right now that everyone will head back around dinner time of that day. 

FI only has off work the first week so we don't want any visitors during that time. The only exception is my sister because she is doing her doctorate program and won't know when she will be able to visit. 

After first week: Mom will come for 3 days, MIL will then come for 3 days. 

After 2nd week: My aunt and grandma will be coming for 3 days. 

Then we are on our own. We decided that with friends, if people want to come, they can. It makes it difficult being 2 hours away because we have to all match schedules. Since fi will be at work, it could be nice for me to have some company. 

Sorry that is long. I just wanted to put it all out there. I think it is important to limit people's days of visiting because then it will become them being a baby hog and not really helping us. If people are only wanting to come to see baby (with exception of friends, but I know they will all be wanting to help, too) then they can wait until we travel back to our hometown. Speak up about what you want now rather than later. 

PackersFan315

My best friend is staying with us for the first couple nights. My mom is staying at either her friend's or my aunt's the first night or two, but then has to go home for work. She will come back to help me out that first week when DH goes back to work. My mil is just going to drive out to visit the second and third day.

But then I also told my mom today that nobody else aside from my mom, best friend and mil can visit me in the hospital. The rooms are too small to accommodate all my aunts and cousins. Before LO arrives, I think I'll ask that my aunts and cousins start visiting towards the end of the first week just so I have time to catch my breath!! Plus we're in the midst of preparing to move so it's already chaotic in our apartment with clutter.

Millie1984

Obviously immediate family is going to come right away, from both DH's family and mine.

Beyond that, I'm not having any other visitors, and thankfully I am pretty sure my extended family is going to be OK with that.  Part of it is that I am being very careful about who has received the TDap vaccine, and DH and I are only sure that our immediate family has gotten it.  

Plus, there will be plenty of time for everyone to meet the baby, and I really don't think they all need to come in the first week.  I have no idea what it will be like, but I know it will be hectic we will need help from immediate family, and not to be entertaining people who just want to come for fun.

thellx

We are limiting visitors to immediate family only (our parents and siblings) for the first two months. They all know the policy, so they can tell extended relatives if it comes up in conversation with them, and if a friend or family member mentions a visit to us, we just tell them directly. 

I was concerned about getting unwanted visitors, because we've had a few situations where my husband's dad has invited people to our house (and our rehearsal dinner, and our wedding) without consulting us first. He means well, but he just doesn't realize it's an inconvenience (and a major pet peeve of mine) or that we may not want them there. So I told my husband to make sure his dad understands that no one is to be invited for a visit, at the hospital or otherwise, unless it's by us.

MissyCee

I'll see how I feel when it comes down to it. If I feel up to it, I won't mind visitors. If I'm not, I'll ask people to hold off. I don't care if people like it or not, though I honestly don't anticipate anyone being upset with whatever I choose.

sfeebs13

I don't have a clue how I will feel about visitors the first week. I'm thinking I won't want any. Maybe my mom because I feel so clueless. She will be more help than your average visitor though. haha
DF's family is quite a bit less-involved than my family and I have no problem telling my family to back off if I need them to. My mom has already told me if I need her she'll be around but I most likely won't want a whole lot of her company. haha. At least she's prepared.

ELauren88

I'm pretty ok with visitors coming by the first week, as long as they call/text/ask first. I cannot stress that enough. My door will not be opened to people who don't call a head. I've already turned off my door bell in anticipation of the IL's just dropping by. You have a cell phone. Use it. I'm not asking you to make an appointment, I'm asking you to ASK if you can come to my home, not just assume I want you there.

MrsSteSte

Eh. I know we'll welcome all of the help and extra hands we can get. I think my parents and possibly my brother/FSIL will stay with us on and off the first week or so, depending when the babe arrives (ILs are out of state, so won't be coming for the first month or so). I know any friends who would want to come know "proper" new baby etiquette, and would come more to help out than just see the baby.

It makes me sad to think people have anxiety about this. Humans weren't designed innately knowing how to do this. It takes a village, remember?

lydsyjane

I'm putting DH in charge of telling people that they can only stay for a short period of time. I have a HUGE family, so I'm sure people will be coming and going constantly. And if I'm sleeping, forget about it.

BrideMay2005

We are fine with having close family visit during the first week because last time it was kind of nice to have some short visits and everyone was respectful of not staying too long and they usually brought food and offered to watch the baby while I showered or took a short nap.

But if you aren't comfortable with visitors, maybe arrange a meet and greet for those that want to see the new baby on a day that you are comfortable with so you can control the visit? You could always give a day and time range.

Lovehavinggirls

My parents will be driving 5 hrs and staying with us. I'm perfectly fine with that. Anyone else that wants to come by will call or text. If we are ok with visitors we will tell them to stop by if not we will ask them to come at a different time. Our family and friends don't just stop by and are pretty understanding so I'm not too concerned with too many people coming by.

AACaHa13

somebodysmama21 said:

MrsSteSte said:

Eh. I know we'll welcome all of the help and extra hands we can get. I think my parents and possibly my brother/FSIL will stay with us on and off the first week or so, depending when the babe arrives (ILs are out of state, so won't be coming for the first month or so). I know any friends who would want to come know "proper" new baby etiquette, and would come more to help out than just see the baby.

It makes me sad to think people have anxiety about this. Humans weren't designed innately knowing how to do this. It takes a village, remember?

I so agree with this! People get so freaked out and I just cannot imagine not accepting help.

I am not saying anything about not accepting help. I would gladly accept help, that's a whole different story. It's about how I know that tons of family and friends will want to come that first week When DH only has that week off. Having to think of that right now and how I'm supposed to handle all of these people contacting me to come see the baby right away is just a little overwhelming.

TurleyAug25

We have already told friends and family that the labour and first 24-48 are a huge transition and we will be tired so we will keep in touch and let everyone know how the delivery goes.
Once we get home we anticipate we will need some rest, time to settle in and enjoy the first few days of being a family before we are ready to have guests over. I started telling friends and family now so they can let it sink in and so that they aren't offended.
We may need a few days or weeks- not too sure as this is baby #1! But ensured them that as soon as we are ready for company we will call!

kbeeb

We are only having immediate family come to the hospital, and plan on not letting anyone other than DH & I be with the baby for the first few hours. Then we will let my parents and his come in for a SHORT visit. They will also have DS, and i want him to come see us too, as i'm sure i'll miss him and he'll need some cuddles...not sure how that will go. DH may take off for awhile to spend some special time with DS while LO and i rest...Then DH & I want to be left alone with the baby for the first night. 

As for visitors at home, i know it will be different this time because of DS...i'm going to need more help, so i think i'll want my mom and MIL around more than i did with DS. That said, i really don't want lots of people stopping by. We don't really have much family who lives in the area, but DH is super social and most of his friends have an open door policy with him...

with DS we had a sign that we hung on the door when we weren't accepting visitors (i basically left it up all the time, and pulled it in only when someone called ahead and got the ok) - it gave some details about DS to satisfy curiosity, and basically said we were resting, thanks for stopping by, hope to see you soon...The only problem we had was that we hung it on our door, and by the time people made it to the door the dog was barking her head off! If we were actually resting it would wake us up, and if not then whoever was there would hear us hollering at the dog to be quiet!

AACaHa13

TurleyAug25 said:

We have already told friends and family that the labour and first 24-48 are a huge transition and we will be tired so we will keep in touch and let everyone know how the delivery goes.
Once we get home we anticipate we will need some rest, time to settle in and enjoy the first few days of being a family before we are ready to have guests over. I started telling friends and family now so they can let it sink in and so that they aren't offended.
We may need a few days or weeks- not too sure as this is baby #1! But ensured them that as soon as we are ready for company we will call!

That sounds perfect. I am thinking that I'm going to start telling people now so it gives them a heads up and it isn't a surprise to them when the baby comes.

thellx

Our issue with not having a bunch of visitors isn't about declining help or even so much about not wanting to entertain company (though that's definitely part of it); it's that a baby's immune system is very weak for the first 2 months, and we don't want a bunch of people coming over, exposing him to whatever germs they may bring in, handling him, etc. Something as simple as a cold or fever can be devastating to an infant.

Plus, I am a big believer that you shouldn't make plans to visit someone without an invitation in the first place. When we're ready for people to visit, we'll extend the invitation. Until then, if they try to invite themselves or just show up, they're going to be told that it's not a good time and that we'll let them know when they can visit.

Texasmomma13

I'm one of those people that when I don't feel well, I don't want anyone around me. I'm thinking I'm probably not going to be feeling really well after birthing a watermelon. So, I've made it clear to everyone that there will be No open door policy. Call ahead and respect our decision if it's not a good time. I don't anticipate anyone but mil having an issue with this. She doesn't take hints easily. Dh is already prepared to run interference if it becomes an issue.

BlueJewelM

I was really adamant about no hospital visitors, which didn't really get followed...but mostly it did.

We came home from hospital on Thursday and had a bunch of visitors Saturday. And then my parents stayed with us the weekend.

I am usually really weird about stuff like that, but honestly didn't mind. They all brought food or cooked for me. So it was ok.

Monilee1017

My rule is when in the hospital anyone can stop by at anytime. But if you do not tell me when you are coming and I am feeding the baby you can wait in the waiting room until LO and I are done. If you called I could have given you a time period. I don't care how long you wait, only DH, MIL, my mom, sister and SIL can watch me breastfeed. When I am home I don't care just don't come before 10 or after 8. DH is there the first week, my mom is there the second week and we will be in New Jersey after that for BIL's wedding.

Augustmama1113

Speaking from experience, I had way too many visitors with DS. Not everyone is there to help and if you don't speak up, you will just prolong your recovery. I had a c-section, so the situation may be a bit different, but I plan on not having as many visitors this time around.

Augustmama1113

chattychiqa said:

@cbruckner32 do you mean in the hospital or at home? I'm having an RCS also, my 4th c. I'm just not up to company at home and short visits in the hospital.

Both, i had too many at the hospital and too many at home. Limit who you see in both situtations. I'm convinced my recovery took much longer because I was constantly hosting people. Again, not everyone came to help and were more of a bother.

MommyR8113

I have mixed feelings about visitors. I really stink at relaxing when people are over and I really want our fur babies to adjust to their baby brother but with visitors they will be so excited to see people I am nervous that excitement will delay their acceptance of a new baby. I'm a push over so my hubby will be the one monitoring visitors. A friend of ours suggested buying to go cups. I know it sounds a little rude but he said it was one way to nicely signal to visitors that it was time to leave and not hang around all day. We haven't bought any to go cups but I already told my hubby that when it's time to feed I'm no longer going to be available to visit.

katiebenes

I have time limits that people kinda know about. I basically told everyone that I think will visit that I will probably not be up for long visits at first... and only grandparents are allowed the week DH is home from work

Roseluv10

Kinda lucked out on this b/c we have no immediate family nearby and only a few close friends.  We sat both families down about 2 months ago and discussed our wishes.  The immediate grandparents will come into town when we call that the baby is on his way. They will be the only ones allowed to initially visit the hospital and spend the night at our house for the first week.  (My family is 5 hours away, DH's is 3 hours away). This came as a shock for my 11 and 8 year old neice and nephew and SIL on DH's side who have been under the understanding that they were going to be waiting at the hospital with the whole family.. The children are incredibly needy --the 11 year old is autistic and the family has not gotten help yet with how to control him--needless to say things are very chaotic with them around as it is....There is no way I can deal with them immediately postpartum or overnight visiting for that matter.    They are playing it by year when they come to visit but it will only be for an afternoon and maybe overnight one night.   As for my siblings, they are 10 & 12 hours away and have plans to visit later in the month and in September once the dust settles.  I'm cool with short visits from local friends both in the hospital and once we come home.

kcox123

With our first we let everyone know that we were open to visitors in the hospital (with the understanding they might have to wait if baby was nursing). But I made it clear we did not want visitors (MAYBE immediate family if they weren't able to make it to hospital and they were only staying or an hour or less) at our then apartment until appr. 10-14 days PP. I have not cared nearly as much with subsequent babies/deliveries, but I was glad I stuck to my guns with my first. I was a new mom and wanted time to figure things out on my own without worrying about how I looked or how my house looked for others. Edit: also space was SOO tight since we were still in an apt then... There was nowhere for me to get away from visitors if I wanted and we would all be on top of each other with the limited seating...

rissa06

i said, it will depend on how we feel.

jenniferw91

I really haven't told people they can't come over once we get home. DH won't be able to take off work very long (probably just while we are at the hospital and maybe the first day home) due to it being a fairly new job and not having paid time off. So I know my mom and mil will be over when they can and whoever else inbetween. I'm not really nervous about bringing a new baby home eventhough the nursery isn't even started yet but that could change. With both of us having really large families pretty much everyone will understand me napping or kickin them out and such lol. But I don't want to turn down the help!

vcabbyw

Your baby. Your rules.

Simple.